"It Must Be Nice" | LeadingLane Podcast | Ep 2

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros, with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic, and raw perspective, you found it.

All right. Okay. You want to. Who started last time? Do you remember? It doesn't matter.

So the intro's already done, right? Yeah, got it. So today we're going to be talking about. Want me to start over?

No, I think this is great. Like, we can't even get our shit together right now. Like, who's going? Okay.

Who's going? I'm going. Okay. I'm gonna go.

Okay.

So today we're going to talk about the common comment of it must be nice and where that comes from potentially. I think how people can maybe, you know, if you say it, what it means, if it's said to you, how it. How you might take it, numerous ways to take it. But I think just that a lot of us get that often, I think, and, you know, can take offense to it or can get upset about it. And I think, you know, just having the open conversation as why do people say that? How we take it? Maybe better ways to handle it in the future.

Yeah. So for me, I know that this is something that, like, going through, you know, success and going through all this stuff with business and people saying, oh, it must be nice. It, like, gets under my skin. It, like. Like, icks me. That's my biggest red flag. Like, no, I mean, we've had people send it, you know, directly in text messages to us, like, basically face to face, saying, oh, yeah, it must be nice. And we had people, you know, trolling on the Internet, you know, talking and making, you know, signed comments like that as well. To me personally, when that. When I hear that and somebody tells me, it's like, they're not giving me the validation. Maybe that's not the right word. But they don't know what really is happening. Correct. Yeah. Like, we work freaking hard and, you know, the things that we do. The. The vehicles that we drive. Yes. We drive nice vehicles or we go on vacations or whatever we're doing. It doesn't even matter what is. I had somebody made a comment about my Christmas decorations and how many freaking Christmas trees. I hadn't. Like, I mean, it doesn't matter. Everybody has an opinion, and it, like, instead of. I don't know why we don't just go ahead and, you know, applaud. Like, good. Good for you. I love that you have 12 Christmas trees in your house. Or. I love that I Think it was six this year. I cut it back a little bit. Yeah. But, you know, like, we worked freaking hard. They didn't know that. You know, we started the business with basically freaking nothing, barely able to pay bills, and we only had, you know, the five grand in our pocket to be able to get where we are now. So we've worked extremely hard and we, you know, go and celebrate our successes. That's how I. I deserve to have a nice vehicle. I deserve to be able to treat myself, ourselves, to go on vacation or whatever the case may be. But, yeah, give credit when credit is due and applaud and cheer each other on versus trying to make shitty comments to bring other people down. We work hard.

So, yeah, you know, I. I actually was having this conversation with someone the other day, and, you know, they made a good point about how it can be really, like, two ways, right? So, like, one way, somebody is meaning it to be sarcastic, you know, but also maybe somebody does just truly mean it as, like, it must be nice. But I think that you can normally tell in people's tonation of what they're saying. And I think it used to bother me quite a bit, but. Right. Over time, we grow over those obstacles and whatnot. And so, like, as of recent, my response normally is just, yep, it is. And, you know, Carrie, I think some people are actually caught off guard because I think that they were actually expecting some type of, like, argument, but something correct. Right. And I think it's just, you know, which we can. We can. We can talk about to a recent Facebook post from, you know, a week ago. And what I. It was kind of a dig at me, which is fine. It happens. But what I want to, like, remind people is, like, we have to just give people grace because one, like, we don't know where they've been from. I think we've talked about it before, but people that we've met along the way, like, you know, like, clients that I met in the last year, like, they just know me now. They don't know Ashley from 20 or 15 years ago when we lived on Ramen or, you know, I had a savage salvage car, you know, like, nobody knows those things. I think that when you just assume that someone in their current matter is how it's always been, right? Like, assuming makes an ass out of you and me. So people should stop assuming. And what I always tell people is, like, the way that I want to. To more see that is, like, if you see someone that has, you know, really nice things, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy or that they are financially stable. Let's be honest. We know many people that are financially strapped because of things that they've bought. But if you think someone is financially stable and doing well, like, why not instead, like, open the conversation of, how'd you get here? Like, what tips can you give me? Right. Like, my thing is I just want to bring people, like, along with us, right? So, like, we are doing well. Like, let me show you the way. Let me show you that it's 80 hours a week. It doesn't happen, you know, 10 hours a week here and there. And I think that's the other misnomers. People just think it super easy money. You and I both know that is far from the case. And many days, I think to myself, why am I doing this? I think that if it was just more people were intrigued or, you know, tell me more, or when they were to actually, like, sit down and go through what an actual day or work week or years look like. You know, we used to flip homes on a regular basis because we were trying to make up for debt. Right. And we don't do that as much. But at the time, that was the only way we could afford to do things or make things off. And people didn't understand that was every night and every weekend. You didn't post about that. Right. Everyone posts differently, and we choose not to post all of those struggles.

Yeah. And. And, you know, I think that the other part of it, too, is in real estate, obviously, and. Or sales or any type of business. It's not consistent. You know, we're not W2 employees, so we don't have a guarantee check coming in, you know, left and right. So there's times that times are freaking great, and then there's times that are freaking horrible, and it's like, oh, man, here. Here comes back the. The Ramen era again. Um, but, you know, I would be more apt in probably. Yep. No, I would be 100% more apt to be able to say, let me help you. Let me show you the way to be able to at least get where I am at, or I'll share. Share everything, all the struggles, all the tips and tricks and everything that I have learned along the way so that you too can reap the benefits of being your, you know, an entrepreneur.

So I don't think it necessarily just has to be for real estate. Right. I mean, like, plenty of entrepreneurs and they've also put in, which I tell people, right. Like, it's. It is blood, sweat and tears for numerous types of things. And I think that if people could just be a little bit more. If they actually truly mean it, like, I would take a man. I'm so proud of you. Like, look how far you've come over. It must be nice. Or like, gosh, you're killing it. Like, anything you can help me. And again, like, it's things outside of real estate too. There's just actual business practices, period, that you can do to try to help yourself get some ground made up, right?

Absolutely. And you did make a valid point. And it's a lot of times maybe we're internalizing. I'm speaking for myself, not for you. But maybe, maybe that, you know, I'm so sensitive, if you will, with that phrase that my guard goes up immediately and like, I'm kind of going to this attack mode to where maybe, like, I don't have to prove it anymore. Like, I don't have to prove anything to anybody else. So I don't know. Why do you allow that one phrase to get under my skin and be an ick? And so maybe that's a challenge for myself that I need to, you know, really push myself to step back. And it's okay to say it, it is damn nice, but it's not a challenge anymore. It's not trying to prove. And it very well could be this person on the other side because we don't hear tone, we don't see, you know, expressions or anything else. Maybe on the other side they truly are being genuine and saying, man, that, that must be nice.

So I think it's like when you're in person, right on. Someone says, for me, like, nine times out of 10, I'm caught off guard. So I'm not prepared in my mental status to be like, you know, But I think that, I think why it's probably such a, like, immediate want to do defense is because right, Only. Only us ourselves have faced those downs, right? Or the financial struggles or the tears. So I think what it does for me sometimes is it brings that back, right? Like those are some really shitty times. And I wish, you know, like, that people would understand, like, how bad of a spot, right? Like, I've told stories about, you know, I was in a bad spot, that I was going to quit real estate, you know, and making me think about that. And then what would have happened if I would have quit real estate? I mean, like, you and I would have never met. We wouldn't be here today, you know, Like, I think that it brings back that. I think that's Why I am so, you know, annoyed by that. But I do think it's good that, you know, in the same sense, like, getting to a point where, you know what, they don't know us, they don't understand. And, you know, if that's how they choose to see that, like, that's on them. And.

I think that, you know, at least I have this realization. Both you and I are working with Maya. And so she's. What is her title? Naturalist.

Yeah. Wellness. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, like, so wellness. And we're doing labs and from everything that we won't even go into, but we're doing all these crazy labs. And, you know, I went into this going, you know, working with Maya and saying, oh, it's all going to be health, health, health, and only off of these labs. Well, one of the things that she had us do was a timeline of events that have happened in our life. That stress has been peaked in. In, like, I wrote mine out a. I was very resistant. I think it was two calls that I. She kept on, like, hey, you need to do this. This is your homework. And I didn't know. But then I was like, holy shit. Like, writing down all of the different. Like, the word that I never associated with was traumatic. But truly, all these traumatic events that I didn't realize were traumatic. Looking back, it's been like a constant. And I've been in this constant fight or flight mode and For a long time. Right. And not even knowing it. And so I think having that realization, doing that work with her and then with this conversation with. It must be nice with my defense going up automatically, like, of course it's. Because that's all I know. I've only been in fight or flight. And I was ready to go ahead and let's. Let's fight it out and let's go. But yeah, that was a huge realization for me. And, you know, people don't understand each other's struggles. We judge a book by its cover.

Yeah, I think that same thing. I think I went back 20 years on the timeline, which puts me to, like, actually, no, I must have gone back. Oh, I was still in high school. Because I think back, like, I always tell people I would never go back to high school unless I was the person that I am today. And I think about all the shitty things that happened in high school. But then I actually, like, as I was, like, writing them down, like, some of, like, how that affected things that happened in college and then, like, first jobs or whatnot. And, you know, one. You see A little bit of repetitive behavior, which for me, I realized, like, I have some toxic traits as far as, like, I cut people off. Like a. Like no other. Like, if somebody. It's bad. I mean, if somebody does, like, something out of that, like, you know, or like, breaks that trust, like, I'm a hot one and done. Which was very apparent on that. And I think just things that, you know, like weight struggles that I've had. And I wrote down, like, you know, I used to try. I used to make myself throw up in college, you know, and like, you think about, like, how 20 years later, like, what that effects have done to your body. And like, now we're just really realizing that. And I think it really is, like, a moment to, like, take time. Like. Right. Appreciate who that was, what that was gotten you to today, but by being aware and being more subconscious of that, like, all the good things that can come.

Absolutely, absolutely. It's absolutely crazy. One of my favorite stories that you shared with me is you had. You had a client. You were showing them houses, and I believe that they were driving an Escalade at the time. I don't remember what you were driving, but I'll let you tell the story. Like, I love this story.

Yeah. So if we were to rewind it back a little bit. They've been past clients and they were just selling some land. Like, super. This guy, like, he is a teddy bear. But at that time, I was like, like grizzly and was deathly afraid of him. Whatever. We did a small transaction for a piece of land they had. And he had always talked about that they used to get the same car because. Right. You get a new car. And the comment is, it must be nice. And. Right. So the people, which I've done myself, like, we've actually, like, made changes or decided not to buy something because of the fact that I didn't want to hear it. Must be nice. And like, when I actually, like, sit down and think about that now, I'm like, what in the hot screen curse? So anyway, they were into Cadillacs, and then it came time to sell their personal home. And I had a Yukon at the time, and my Yukon, I like, parked it next to the Cadillac and I legit have a picture of, like, their Cadillac and my Yukon. And he comes out and he's like, what are we doing? And then I was like, oh, you know, just checking out what it's like to, you know, have a Cadillac. And, you know, he's like, ashley, I don't get it. What is your problem? I Was like, what are you talking about? He's like, why don't you just buy one? You work really hard. I know you work hard. You deserve it. And then I said, you know what people are gonna say? And then he was like, you can't take it with you when you die. You know, might as well enjoy it while you can. So I sat on it for a while and thought about it and kind of hemmed and hoed, but looked around. But that was when you couldn't buy a car, like, to save your life. So got put on this wait list, and, you know, unfortunately, they had something come up. And he had cancer. He passed away of cancer. And that was a pretty tough time. And a couple months ago, his wife came to visit me, just to stop by. And she said, I heard you got a new Cadillac. And I was like, I did. And she's like, I have to see it. So I took her out to the car and I showed her. And, you know, the way that I viewed it was I literally spend probably a good majority of my time in my car. So if I'm going to be in my car a good portion of the time, like, why not have something that is comfortable? I have clients in my car all the time. So we were showing her around, and then I was like, where'd you park? And she kind of pointed over, and it was. She didn't have a Cadillac. And I was like, where's the Cadillac? And then she's like, oh, you know, this color was different. And he kind of liked it when we drove by. So we decided, you know, just. Just to get the. I think it was Yukon or something. And I actually, like, I hate it. I hate everything about it. She's like, I. It's nothing. Like when I drove the Cadillac, and I literally, you know. Right. So this is, like, full circle. I was like, well, why? Why aren't you getting the Cadillac? And then right in my head, like, how is this happening that I'm having the same conversation? And then she said, well, you know what people are gonna say. And I was like. And then I got in my defense mode of. And why in God's green earth do you care what anybody else thinks about what car you drive? And, you know, her thing was that somebody would relate it to her husband passing away. And I was like, girlfriend, if anyone says that they belong in no part of your life, they're horrible people. And the only people really that matter are you and your closest family, like, if they're happy for you. And she said, well, they did tell me I should just get it. And then I was like, well, then here we are. And I was like, if your husband knew we were having this conversation right now, what would he say? And she's like, oh, yeah. Because she sat there for a little bit, and then she looked at it. She's like, what color do you think I should get? So I have to follow up with her. But I think, right. Like it for me. Like, it. I remember, like, I think I had a call with you that day. So I was actually pretty emotional about it. One, you know, because we miss him a great deal. But secondly, like, for me, that was like, how far I've come to be able to. Been like, like, never in a million years I care what people think too much. And then to be able to, like, have that same conversation with someone. But you. It is sad. Like, the more and more you talk to people, you know, people make comments about the Cadillac, which is fine, and I'm over it. But I typically tell that, like, I don't, you know, I don't care anymore. Like, people can say what they want. I'm happy, my family's happy, I work hard. But people are so apt to tell you the things that they aren't doing. So like I said someone that was like, yeah, you know, we just get the same boat because we don't want anybody to know we got boat. And I. Same thing. I was like, what? You know, and I. I just wish that there was a way for like, everyone to just not, like, why are we caring what other people do? Like, care about? Like, right, you like water. The. Where you water, the grass is greener. Right? So just take care of your own. And if someone else has a great boat, like, great. Good for them. When can I get a ride?

Absolutely. Let me hit your ride.

Yeah.

I think that. Such an amazing story. I mean, like, full circle for sure. And I mean, you're empowering somebody else. And I think that just, again, goes back to what we were kind of starting out with. Like, I'd much rather help other people and lift them up versus, you know, have them try to degrade me. And here we are, you know, helping others, and you never know where they are in their. Their life and in their journey. So, yeah, and you kind of hit on it a little bit. And I never realized it until I started doing my high performance coaching. Like, fear of success and fear of money, of I can't show people that I make money. So I was always told, like, I can't drive a nice car because Then somebody's not going to hire me because I make too much money. And so therefore, they're going to go with somebody else that needs it or deserves it because I'm intimidating. Like, what in the world? Like, that is the most ass backwards thinking that you can tell somebody that, you know, you have to make sure that you drive this style of vehicle so that you can continue to get clients. Like, no.

To be honest, though, like, I know, like, we're all, like, on some on Facebook, like, real estate, like, mastermind, you know, Facebook groups or whatnot. And I can't tell you the amount of times that someone posts like, you should never drive a nice car. Your clients are gonna hate you. And, like, I'm to the point where a lot of times I just don't partake anymore because the craziness is over the fact. But the way that I look at it is that, like, if that is already how the transaction's, like, gonna start, like, I don't have a good feeling about how the rest of that transaction is gonna go, but to me, I don't. I think it's affected my business. I think the way that, you know, I've had prior clients and they know what I drove before, and for me, they normally say, like, oh, my gosh, I love it. Like, where did you get it? I'm so happy for you. And that's what I feel. I mean, I think you look at the devil's advocate in the same sense. Like, somebody might be like, you know what? They must do pretty good in their job. I do think I want to hire them, you know, so I think that, you know, that's all over Facebook groups, and I can' that, like, just drive what's within your means. Drive what makes you comfortable. And business should just come not because of what you're driving, but because of who you are as a human and what type of work you do for your clients.

As long as I get there on time and make my appointment and we're good, that's all that should be mattered in first judgment there. Right?

Right.

Well, on the topic of vehicles, I got in a wreck today.

What?

Yeah. I didn't tell you because I wanted to see your reaction. Somebody. Somebody hit me going down the street. They were pulling, pulling out. And then I was trying to get over into the next lane because I saw them coming. Nope. And then just kind of little, little, little bump.

I'm glad you're okay.

Yeah, me too. But no, it was just body damage, though. Well, like, I, like, saw her coming And I was like, oh, move over. And I was not moving over quick enough. She. She gave me a nice little love tap in her big O GMC Duramax. So. But hey, everybody was good. It was, it was only body damage. And that's the. At the end of the day, that's the thing. It's. It's only a car. Like, I don't like. Yes. It. It's irritating. Yes. I have to go, you know, get body. Go to body shop or whatever. Oh, could you im. I could even. I was calm, cool and collected during this whole process. This, like today, I could not even imagine if I would have had a brand new vehicle that I was supposed to be having right now. So I would, I would have lost myself. So. But it wasn't like in looking at her like you could tell that she. It was a total accident. So it's just a car. It's just a payment. It's okay. Yeah. And at the end of the day, that's all that mattered. So shouldn't judge. We shouldn't have been living through materialistic stuff like that whatsoever and making sure that everybody is good at the end of the day, helping each other out regardless if they hit you or not.

You don't know what kind of beer they had. You know where they're coming from. Nothing.

Right. Not at all. But yeah, that. It's been a fun day. So here we are.

Yeah.

Good. Well, thank you for sharing your. Your story with the Cadillac. And I think that a. You should definitely tell your client to listen to this so that she can see how her husband impacted your life and. And then being able to have that full turnaround to be there still as. As a friend and a client to be able to help her through that process too. So that's absolutely amazing. So thank you. Cool. Well, here we are. So we'll wrap up and thank you guys for listening. Hopefully you will tune into the next one. We're excited to drop it soon. So go ahead and subscribe like and give us a share. We have a goal that we're trying to. To hit here within 1Q24, so help us out a little bit and get some people to subscribe for you. So thanks for listening.

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