Powerful Women in Business | LeadingLane Podcast | Ep 21

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros, with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic, and raw perspective, you found it, right?

Welcome back, everyone, to Leading Lane. I'm here with Nima Fisher today and we're excited to have a couple of different conversations with you, but please remember that you can find us online, Facebook, Leading Lane, and you can check out coaches, webinars, all kinds of fun things there. So, Neva, this was kind of a on the fly idea, but lots of things going on that we're both aware of and some life experiences. We thought it'd be a great time for us to hop on and talk about that. So why don't you take it away?

Good morning. Thank you guys so much for having me back on again. I will come on as many times. You guys are just so much fun to hang out with and chat with. So, um, but the big topic I think that has been in the discussion and just my inbox lately is just being a female in this industry and the business and all the things, and I was like, what better person to talk to than to be Ashley Frederick. So thanks for having me today. How did you get started into the business?

You know, it's interesting. It always takes, like, a weird trail of how things come into the business, but, you know, everyone kind of thinks they have a path. So my bachelor's degree was healthcare administration, which is also a male dominant job as far as, like, running hospitals and running clinics. And we felt that, like, in our college training, but there were a lot of females that were going on. I actually had a lot of my friends from college out there are still running nursing homes, assisted living facilities. I did that for a while. So I think when you kind of come out of college. For me, like, I already kind of started in a. In a leadership role, right? So I was in my, you know, 20s and leading a 55 bed, you know, or 55 employee facilities. And so right away, you're like kind of thrown into being responsible for 55 employees. And many of them are, you know, double my age or some of them are super young. So that was kind of, I think, like my first experience leadership role. I was delved into that real estate team in a roundabout way because Ben decided to be an entrepreneur himself and start Frederick Construction, and I helped him with that. We took a small business course and really got to know the ins and outs of running your own business, which to this day, it changes every single day. Know what to expect from one day to the next.

Yep.

Then my realtor at the time, Charles, had actually said, you know, had you. Have you ever thought about being in real estate? And kind of blew off at first, but realized that I really wasn't happy where I was. And, you know, kind of that was it.

Was it like the 8 to 5 side of it or was it the like corporation side of it? Sorry to cut you off, but no.

There definitely was no 8 to 5. That was more like 7am to 11pm so that we joke that Ben would make me dinner. He still does to this day, but many times he ended up eating in my chair because I never came home. You know, my would be cold or he'd bring it up to me. But that was, that was definitely part of it, you know, and obviously real estate has no set hours either, but I think like working that long. But also the corporate side of it, because it's funny how, you know, looking back at it, it relates to humans. Well, when you're running an assisted living facility, you know, you're. You're taking care of other people's most important people. And that was at the heart for me. That's why I did it. I enjoyed. You know, one of my stories is this woman that came from Georgia, you know, and we're in rural Wisconsin. And she came, you know, with her fur and mink coats and her jewelry, like to the nines. And so I was adamant that that was part of her care plan, was that she better have her earrings in, her bracelet on, her lipstick on, you know, and people thought I was nuts, but that's what. That's how she lived her life. There's no reason why now that she's in her 80s, we shouldn't help her do the same thing. And I cared about the people in Moscow. In any type of, you know, facility like that, a lot of times it's corporate rules come into play. And I just didn't have other feeling about it anymore. And it wasn't bringing me the joy that I thought it would anymore. So I actually, when I left that I was kind of like a break, if you will, while I was getting my real estate license and I started selling Leah Sophia. So that has some kind of way. But it was a jewelry company. And so I was much like I. So before that I was. Before assisted living, I was in insurance. So I go into people's homes and sell them insurance policy. The same thing with jewelry. I go into people's homes and, you know, be in front of 30 people giving a jewelry show and you know, then you get invited.

Did you guys. Did you guys build teams too or did you just do parties?

So I was on someone's team really, like we were. There was like a team of us of like eight, I think. And she was pretty good. Good. That really wasn't my focus. I just really enjoyed selling the jewelry. I mean, you should see, like, I have armoires full of jewelry. I probably don't wear a hat as much as I used to, but it is fun. Like, I still see people today that I sold jewelry to, like no lie. So. And they still wear the jewelry, so it's kind of fun. But that was like a art, you know, like a. Again going in people's strangers homes and selling things which, you know, in a sense of what we're doing today, we're going to. So you film inside the building, the house. So it was kind of a way that I think helped, you know, I helped get some extra income while I was getting my license. I still sold insurance on the side for an independent insurance agent and then, you know, started in real estate. And that was almost 12 years ago. And you know, I think that what a lot of people don't understand about real estate, I'm sure you can relate it, but it's really what you put into it. So, yeah, a lot of people think real estate is super easy and they're just going to make all this money and there's not going to be ever any legal issues or no one's ever going to be unhappy with you. We just, you know, open doors and that's it. But we learned really quickly that that's actually not the case. That's far from the fact. And so I think for me it was being able to see what I put in is what then reaped the rewards. Right? So the time and effort of doing weekends, doing late nights, being available and you know, I've obviously changed that schedule a little bit today. But when you're first starting out, like, you really have to be willing to help pavement to really get going. So I think for me that's probably when that entrepreneurial spirit really took off. Was what I'm putting in is equating to my results. You know, did that under national franchise for seven years and then, you know, I think we could talk about this too. But culture is extremely important and working an office full of women can go really solid without a strong leader. And I saw that firsthand and I mean, I saw it at other jobs too, but I kind of Joke about it. I remember working at an insurance company, and I'll be honest, like, the females were mean. I mean, crucial. And I. I look at that now in such a different position than I was now that I would have, you know, at that point in time, like, would have stood up for myself all the HR or something. But back at, you know, in that time when you have a founder confidence that it's really easy to be walked all over. They would make fun of the way I dressed, you know, the shoes I wore, if I was overweight. I mean, I got it all. And so it's just funny sometimes for me to look back and one look back and see where they are today and be like, I mean, that worked out itself. But secondly, it's part. It's part of who I am and maybe who I am. It made me a lot more aware of that. And today, like, when, you know, I hear people doing that or seeing people doing that, like, I try to stop it or try not to give in to that. I'm also very aware that it made me probably why I'm a little bit, you know, rougher on the edges today is because you had to put that turtle shell on for so long.

And it. And I feel like it's. It's like almost like a given and accepted in the corporate world and the industry even. You know, we've chatted about this a little bit. You know, women come off as a certain way by their, you know, people they're threatened by or, you know, or in my mind, it's like if you're not. If you're doing that, you're not busy enough. Like, in this industry, I'm too busy to worry about what other people have going on to be into that caddy stuff. But you're also like, next to them in the office all the time. And it. They're, I guess after doing the work, they're insecurities.

That's what.

That's what they are. Start to show up, and then they just consume the energy in the office. And it just. It does. It starts to feel icky. I experienced that when I tried corporate America for a little bit. And you just. You either accept it or you leave, because there's really, like, it's just in that type in that industry, I just feel like it's kind of inevitable. Now when you were talking about wanting to switch over because you said you did insurance, you. You did the jewelry thing, at what point did you feel comfortable to say, okay, I'm diving in both feet, just real Estate and I'm considering it full time. Like how long do you think that transaction took?

Um, I would say, I mean, so actually I feel like for the most part like I did jump in right away, like full force, full time. So everyone views coming into the office differently. But sure, rewind 12 years ago and it was extremely important. So I mean I had like zero business, but I'd go to the business. I'd go to the office every single day and I would, you know, go through my database, call people, et cetera. Facebook wasn't as big of a thing then either. But by being in the office, I was given opportunities. Right when there was a walk in or when there was no other agent in the office and somebody came in and wanted to list their house. I mean I can look back at those transactions and I know exactly how many of those came from me being in the office. So I jumped in. Even though I like was like, I don't really have a whole lot to do at the office, but I'll figure it out. You can find stuff to for sure. And then, you know, at, at night I would still go and do Leah Sophia parties like twice a week. And then on insurance, I think that was pretty similar. A lot of that it could be like done on, online, but I would do like four hours in the morning, like 8 to noon at our clinic and I'd sit in the clinic lobby, but in like I could do other work while I was waiting for people to come in. So when I actually started to feel it like, okay, like I, I'm not giving enough time or I don't feel it. I mean for me it was probably about six months, I would say. But you know, I'm lucky that I came in under a team. So as Charles and I, so being able to help someone else with their business that was already established really sped that up for me. That's not for everyone. You know, obviously we later, when we're sick ways, you know, you were streaming out. So obviously it was done cordially and whatnot. But I think that if you weren't, you know, it's a matter of who you surround yourself with, which I know we talk a lot about. It's 110% and I, I always, you know, even to this day, even, you know, as of recent, like you look at people, you thought I'd have been in your life forever. And then you begin to realize like, yeah, they just don't have the same life goals or all it is when we, when we get together is talking about somebody and, like, bring me joy.

Like, I.

Again, I don't have time for that. Like, I thought we were going to get together and, like, plan the next, you know, how are we going to take over the world? That's what I thought we were having, you know, get together for. So it is. I think that's hard for people though, too, right, because we get so comfortable with our group and that that's the norm. And like, yeah, we just, you know, chitchat. But I even had a friend, I had. I'll lunch with that tomorrow. She's like. She was kind of having a down, you know, week or whatever. And I was more so the not, like, not listening to this. Like, this isn't true. And like, what are you gonna do against that? And we're gonna do X, Y and Z. And she just was, like, laughing. And so this is just so funny. When I remember like, four or five years ago and we'd have lunch and it was just a bitch session. And she's like, it's so funny how, like, you won't even let me go down that for like, five minutes.

I love that.

Personal growth, for sure. But I mean, like, as you transpired through those different types of jobs, like, what was it for you that you know about the biggest change or your biggest influence?

So when I. So I went to Kansas State University and I got a degree, I kind of did things a little backwards or out of order, whatever. It's fine. There is no right way, I guess. But I tried college right out of high school. A little too much freedom, but I was a nanny. And so I did my nanny thing for quite a while. And I think that was my first taste of, like, the job of freedom. Right? Like, it was. I was at their house, but we could go to the pool if we wanted to. We could go do whatever we wanted. Right? Like, But I was getting compensated for it. When I found out that I was pregnant with my oldest, I decided to go back to college and got this degree in social science and I ended up having a minor in women's study. Okay. I think that was so random. It was so random. But the courses that I took just led me down that path. And I. I'm super thankful for it. You know, just being a female at a business industry that sometimes can have, I don't know, like, some male dominance to it as well. But the. I tried. After college, I went into a sales job, marketing. And I. It was for the newspaper and online. And I absolutely loved going and seeing my client. I Just love the interaction. It wasn't always about the seller. We knew what I was there for, but it was more like I just loved building the relationships. I loved, you know, getting their business more business. Like the helping, nurturing side of things.

So it's.

It still felt very natural that I could continue to have like a nurturing type feel because that deep down is who I am. Big, big nurturer. On the flip side, though, my being a nanny, so my mom was a business woman 8 to 5, and my dad was a firefighter, so he had more presence in the home. He was, he only worked every third day. My mom was the one that was out in the workforce, but my grandmother was a very strong stay at home, nurturing. Took my grandpa's shoes off when he walked in the door. Farm life, all the things, right? So I had this, like, conflicted. Oh, I really feel like that's who I am. But then I liked my mom. I would walk in and she'd have her high heels and that was, you know, pantyhose were a big thing back then. And her rosy red cheeks and lipstick and she dominated the office. And I was like, oh, I like that too. But when I became a mom myself, ultimately you just want to be able to give the best life for your children and your family. And I really wanted to find like that balance of I want to be there for my kids, but I also want to be able to like, comfortably live. So after we had our second son and daughter, actually worked for Corporate America as a property manager. And it was that same office feel that you said, right? Like, some of the girls were great, and then there was a few that just was a little tense, the air was a little thick, you know, and my boss did not have children. And I. It was a very. I'll never forget this. And I think this is on days that I'm like, I just want to stay in bed. I remember this moment. My middle son Amari was sick. And I don't know if it was teeth, ear infection at the time, but he was sick, he wanted his mama. And I had just had Amaya. So I had used up all of my maternity leave. Will had used up all of his sick leave. And my mom had meetings and I had nobody to watch him. And she said, the daycare provider to the state doesn't know this. So she listens to this. She'll find this out. But I called my boss to tell her that Amari was sick. And she's like, well, you need to figure it out. If you want a job, you need to be here. And I was like, okay. And at the time, I'm a 35 year old woman and I'm like, what am I doing? And so I gave him ibuprofen, enough to get me at least maybe six hours, right? Knowing he didn't feel good, knowing he just wanted his mama. And now I'm exposing other kids. But I was literally backed in the corner of this situation and I was like, I left after I dropped him off, I just bald my whole way to work.

I cried.

She didn't ask how he was, she didn't ask, you know, like, oh, I'm so glad you were able to make it. None of it. And that was a day that I put my two weeks in. I was like, I'm done. I, I don't deserve this. My kids don't deserve this. I will figure it out. And I told, that's what I told Will. I said, we'll figure it out. So that started my journey as a stay at home mom. But like you, I wanted to bring some extra income because I still had that drive to want to contribute to the family. And so I was introduced into the, to the world of Monat and social selling, mlm, whatever you want to call them, they have a, they have a culture that I had no idea that I, I craved and I really wanted to be a part of something like this because all, it wasn't just women, there was men selling money, but it was all walks of life. I mean, we had doctors, lawyers, we had stay at home moms, we had everybody, but everybody was there to that had a common goal. We love to sell, we love to make people's lives better. We wanted, we saw a bigger picture. And let's face it, in the sales industry, you're limitless, right? Like you, the sky's the limit. Nobody tells you this is how much.

You make an hour.

This is it, all the things. So when I joined Monat, I had no idea that that was like the culture that I needed and the missing piece of my life that I needed to grow as a person, to grow as a mom. And that really spearheaded my, my, I don't know, just kind of my journey into real estate. Because when I knew the kids were all going to be in school and I needed to find something that I was going to be able to have the flexibility to be in their lifestyle, but then also be able to provide a really decent income, real estate was, was the thing that was going to allow that. So I started my journey with Both feet, gas pedal down. All the things started April 7th. The class took the test June 7th and then hit the ground running by the end of July. So it was something that I'm so thankful that I look back and my journey went the way that it did because I don't know that the door to real estate would have opened up for me that way. But also just to entrepreneurship as well, because like you mentioned, it is not for the faint of heart, but it's also something that doesn't come with a handbook. It doesn't say you need to wake up at this time, you need to be here at this time. It doesn't do that. So you really have to find deep down inside and build a character that is going to allow you to be successful. And some of that is tapping into blocks and things that you've heard in your past that might have held you back.

And how long have you been in real estate trouble now?

So I'm getting ready to renew for my two years. It's been. Yeah, it's been two years. And the other, you know, I, when I first joined, like, I was a little nervous of how do I let go of these other things that I'm doing. Right. Like I was subbing. I still have my money to this day because I just absolutely believe in the products and love it and all the things. And I've made a lot of great connections through it. I think it's one of the top industry for people that would love to step into something like real estate if you are somebody that's interested in it. I just, I think the cultures align a lot. But like you, I was with a different brokerage before and I just never felt comfortable enough to let go of the subbing, let go of the other kind of guaranteed income until I switched. And it took confidence in the brokerage, but it also took like being around, like you said, people that bring the best out me and that I knew was going to support me. And I knew that was going to say, hey, listen, this isn't going to be easy, but we're here for you and you're in the right place.

Well, and I think it's a little bit of like a. We have things, right?

Oh, for sure, Absolutely.

We don't know from one day to the next. Like. Right. Like lawsuits are changing how business is done. You know, the market itself, whether inventory or natural disasters, like there is no guarantee by any means. But if we continue to put the time in and, you know, show up for ourselves as well, I mean, I Think that's really when things start to make a difference.

And I think too, when you start to align with who you are. I love nurturing. I love helping. So this industry to me is like, it just feels like such a good fit because like you mentioned the things that we are going through, it actually makes me want to help people even more. Right. Like help guide them more, help, you know, protect people. Because owning a home or purchasing a home or selling, you know, one of your biggest assets, that is a. It's such a delicate thing. And I think, like, when I hear people tell me that I helped communicate every step of the way that they were scared, they were nervous, but I made it and feel so much more comfortable that to me, we need more of that, especially with these things that are happening and coming up. And I don't, I don't want us to get away from it going. I know we're doing a lot of AI stuff and it's all great and it's, it's. But there's just still some things that need that personal touch.

Yeah. And I think that that's the other thing too, is same thing. Like, I think buying a house or selling a house, a lot of people might just think that it's super easy. But like, as we know, there's just so many things that come up in a transaction. And it's also just a, you know, why are they buying or selling? Like a divorce or where there was a death or something exciting like their family's growing or their, you know, empty nesters. There's so many things that carry so many emotions. I can't tell you how many times I've been at a listing preview and there's just automatic tears. Right. People don't think about how you have to be able to handle that. Or let's be honest, there are some transactions that are really dicey because sibling, maybe siblings don't get along or it is a divorce. And like, for us to be able to nurture both sides separately is its own kind of beast, if you will. But you have to be willing to actually care about people at the end of the day.

Absolutely, 100%. Now how. Okay, let me ask you this. In this type of an industry, we have to have our emotions. I mean, yes, you have the tears and you have the happy, but moments. But there's sometimes where it can be. We talked about this. Where. Why is it when men who walk in their leader. Well, you just say it. What do you, what do you think when men walk into the room, they're perceived as like, leaders. Right?

Yeah. I mean, and if, and if men are like, authoritative in a meeting, like, they're seen as, you know, respectful or authoritative. But when women are, you know, authoritative in a meeting, for whatever reason, it turns into they're a bitch or they're mean or, you know, they're cutting edges in a. It's. I can't remember what it was, but there's a whole bunch of examples in this one article.

Right.

And I definitely felt it, I still feel it to this day that for whatever reason, I do feel like sometimes we're just at a disadvantage as soon as we walk in the door by being female. That is what it is. That's just my personal opinion. Um, how have you overcome?

Yeah.

Did come a long ways. Right. Because I used to then like, not go to places because I didn't want to deal with that or I got tired of hearing about, oh, I actually watch a knee or obviously my resting bitch face comes up all the time. And so I kind of steered away from it for a while and I actually think I kind of reclused and didn't do a whole lot, didn't stand up for myself. And I think it was really, to be honest, it was probably after I got into, you know, the, the new business. So four years ago. And just realizing how many other people were counting was like, we're more or less counting on me. Right. So, yeah. So kind of what I look at it is, is that there are other people behind me that need the help because there aren't other people in front of them leading them. So if I can be the one that helps to lead them. And I was actually at a Lee Brown, like, speaker class and they had to like talk about it and got a little tree eyed because I think that like, Lee understood what I was trying to say. And the way that she explained it was that more or less like, I wear this shell and all I do is take arrows and my shell in order to protect everyone home. And I think she put that, like, right where it was. And that's really hard to have that shell all the time. Sure. But it is, you know, with time and with confidence. Wigan's also. Once you start to get some traction and you can see that you're making a difference and you can see that you're inspiring other people or you actually get something done or accomplished that you were trying to, people start to reach out to you and thank you. You know, I think that that's when it really started like a light bulb moment for me that hey, like, this is tough, but I can do it. And to be honest, there's going to be more people that it affects positively than these handful of people that yes, you know, you come into a room and they don't like it. Like at this point I'm just like, well, I don't care. That's my problem, not yours. This is what I have to say. These are the facts. Whether you take it, you know, as me being, you know, rough or stern or whatnot, I mean that's on them to take it that way. That's not necessarily on me. And I think that's the other thing I've had to learn is that what you kind of mentioned before is a lot of times people are just projecting their own insecurities. That was a really big light bulb for me is that I can't be responsible for that or if people are threatened by me like that I can't also be responsible with, you know, like, you're a great example. You know, like sometimes meeting strangers are just automatically threatened or you know, they'll tell, people will tell me like years after we met, like, oh my gosh, I was so intimidated by you. Um, and my friend Brandon once said that to me and I said, am I intimidating or are you just intimidated? Um, good wake up call for him. And I, I say that a couple times, people and like they don't know what to say because then it's like a reality check of like, oh shit, it's not you, it is me. And I mean that in the kindest way. But sure, I didn't used to think that. I see it really now when people looked in at it like, why am I just a normal human? And it is because I, I think I do come across like, this is what I want and this is my need. And you know, I think that's where it comes from. But at the end of the day, like, it's okay. Like we need people, we need movers and shakers, we need people that aren't going to take no for an answer. Otherwise we stay as this kind of stagnant, you know, industry or you know, whatever that might be. I think that, you know, the other part is in real estate particular, I think the average age of a realtor is or the average, like I think it's a 53 year old male. I think is what, is what the standards or the guidelines say for then you're fully. Because I don't know, I mean, I don't even think there is anyone in My office, that's very close to that. But everything, you know, everyone is younger than that old office. That wasn't the case.

Yeah.

So kind of interesting to see like how those dynamics change. And it is interesting that to think that it is like a male dominated society. Society in real estate because it's really not in, at least in our local market, it's much stronger of a female driven market. And I think it's interesting just in different, you know, townships, different cities, different parts of the country, how different that is. But I was actually just thinking that when I'm thinking about like CEOs of franchises, I don't know if there's a female in real estate that's actually like a CEO. I think of all the ones I can think of, they're all male down the road. But you know, it's interesting just try to look at, you know, nar and same thing like, oh, it's a lot of times I've been, you know, led by a male or other roles. That's great. I mean, obviously a lot of them have made huge changes for us. But it would be, I think just nice to have a female voice in the room sometimes.

Sure.

Yeah. And I think that what people say is, you know, women are, you know, compassionate. Right. And I think more so nurturing. And sometimes that's missed in these rooms because it might be, you know, too much of the dictating or all business.

Yeah, yeah.

Not accounting for feelings because I mean, let's be honest, there are relationships. You know, I think that there was an article that I was reading that, you know, women apologize pretty much, which I definitely can relate to that. I'm sorry all the time. I was just like a instant peacock. Just like, I'm sorry, I really want to change that. But also like, you know, they say that women don't negotiate for themselves. I've worked really hard with some of my friends that, you know, I know they've been in a job for 20 years and they haven't gotten that many raises. And I'll sit them down and be like, oh, you're going to have this discussion, you know, and a lot of them I'd be able to get raises. So it's ability to have, you know, give that confidence to others maybe if they're not currently doing it. And I just think that it's just a world that we live in too is people just think that all women want to have families and that they don't want to work and they don't want to be breadwinners. And I think it's, you know, to each their own. Like, you have a family and you're in it, you know, Like, I actually get. I think this is. I don't know how people take this, but a lot of times when people refer to family and I'll say, like, I have plans with my family this weekend. And then they'll say, oh, with your kids? And then I'll say, I don't have any kids. And they're like, well, then what do you mean you have plans with your family? Like, you could show us houses. And I was like, there's no. Like, family is family. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not. So I think that there's been that misnomer, too, that women that want to have families, like, won't be as committed to their career. And I think that's the farthest thing from the truth when it comes to certain women.

I loved, and I love this industry for that reason because, you know, I've seen the success come in all walks of it, and it's super motivating, you know, if my kids might be the. The focus of. Why. I like the flexibility that real estate brings to me, but it's also on the flip side, too, of where, like, I get a lot of independence when I'm doing this. Like, as a woman who just, you know, I see a bigger picture in life. I have high maintenance taste, I guess. I don't know, whatever you want. And so I'm like, listen, I'm a go getter. I want to go after it. And I don't want to be, like, scaled down or held back because I've been in that position before, and I just don't want to be there. And I am. I just want to go out there and be the best version of myself and that this industry, like, aligns with that, too, as me as a woman. Like, I'm a mom. But there will be a day where my kids are out of the house, you know, and there will be a time where I'm. It's just me and my hubby, and we're creating a different phase of life for us. And so I think I also wanted to tap in on what you were saying when, you know, you sit down with those friends and people that are. You're like, okay, this is it. This is what you're. The conversation you're gonna have, and this is the raise you're gonna go get. This is what you're gonna do. It's because people in even like, money the or the MLMs, it's a top 5%, like literally a top 5% of people in this industry, in this world that are in a certain industry that allows them to have this extreme amount of income but flexibility and perks and all the things. Because I don't know how yours was but you know, they offered incentives of vehicles, bonuses, all the things where that type of commission based industry takes a certain type of personality. And so I think when you sit in a room where you might become the bitch or the mean one or the. It's because it's so unfamiliar to people. Like, you have no idea how hard we worked on ourselves to get here and to break the shell because it's definitely not easy. And there's moments where I'll just go back to the complacency or I'll just go back to what's known. But it's unit. It's just so unfamiliar. And that's where it's hard for people and even, even men, right? Like it's not just women to women, but in this, this type of go getter industry of whatever you're choosing to do but you're trying to, you're taking control of your time freedom, your, you know, limitless life. There's, it's not for everybody or else everybody would be doing it. We hear it all the time. And my, my upline would preach it over and over and over again. Like you're going to sit at tables where you relate to nobody there. You're going to sit at tables where it's still the gossiping, it's still the complaining and you're going to want to sit up and push your chair in and walk away because once you have a taste of the entrepreneurship life or the life where like you're able to go to the beach and answer a phone call. Like once you have a taste of that, I mean it's hard to go back. I don't know that I can't say.

That I haven't, I could never go back to like a corporate. I just, it would be miserable.

And I, I've. There's been times, don't get me wrong, where you as you're switching over and I still knew fairly new where I'm like, oh man, is this, maybe I should just go get something that I know, I know what the income would be every month and all the things and then I snap out of it.

I'm like, no, we all have to have like a city party for ourselves every now and then, right? Like it's okay to have a bad day. It's okay to have a bad week. And I think that that's the other thing is you mentioned, like, working on yourself. And so, you know, two things. Like, one, I don't think I came back to this before, but you know, like when we first met, right. Like there was an immediate attraction and it's because we're both confident in ourselves, right? So it wasn't like you looked at me and was like, oh my gosh, she looks such, you know, rbf, right? Like, yeah, because you are already confident in yourself. So I think that that's where a lot of that comes from. And I found that with other friends when I say something to them about that and they're like, never thought that about you. And you know, it's because they're confident and they see that I'm just trying to help them in life or whatever that might be. But, you know, as far as like working on yourself, that is a huge part of it. I mean, I will take some, I will take some props for me working on myself to get to where I am. Like, it's the books is that, you know, I think I mentioned it another time. Girl washed her face, but they don't really follow her anymore. But you know, there is this again, like, if you haven't read it, I strongly suggest it because it is talking about who you're surrounding yourself, people with. And I, while I was reading it, I was thinking of like the toxic people that I'm listening to every single day. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is why I'm so dumb all the time. And this is why I'm so crabby all the time. And then that's when I removed that person from my life, like real fast. And it was amazing how all of that, you know, went away. But you can't stop, right? Like, I think it's really easy to read a book and then stop for a while and then like read another book. And I've full on realized that, you know, if I'm not almost daily listening to like even 10 minutes of a podcast or reading part of a book, I feel it. And I'll feel being drugged down. So it's a matter of getting the right type of materials too. So like, Fear is My Homeboy is a fantastic book as well. But for me, like, lately it's just listening to the business podcast because people want to help people. People want to.

Yes. And I, that was, that was huge for me too, was in the voices in the head that were going to help push me forward. Right. Because there's so much self doubt and there's so many people that. I mean, if I'm being honest, when I switch to the brokerage, I know there's people watching me, waiting for me to fail. Like, I know it totally understand. So, you know, it's not, I don't have time to worry about that per se. That's not, I'm not the type of. To say like, oh, that motivates me necessarily because that will die out and all the things. But it is, it's one of those where if I, if I don't protect the voices in my head and the things that are just so easy to be surrounded by, it's so much. It's just harder to be positive in an industry like this when all of that ick is the norm. And especially, I mean, I think my friend circle is pretty small and I'm okay with that. I think that that's something that I naturally did when I started going through the growth, like, phase of. It wasn't even necessarily, like, cutting people off. When you stop engaging, if you have a conversation with somebody and all they're doing is gossiping or talking about somebody else or complaining and you don't say anything back, they know they, they don't call you anymore. You're not the one they pick up the phone to do it with anymore. So you don't even have to like, necessarily say, I'm going through a growth phase, don't want to be your friend anymore. Sorry. I hope you understand. Just stop engaging in those things and naturally. Yeah, and. But then the opposite happens too, right? Like, you start to put yourselves in the circles. You start going up to the, like, instant attraction. I instantly, when we started talking, I was like, I want to know more about her. I want to pick her brain, all the things. And I think that's what's so cool about the podcast world and the books, the entrepreneur books and things like that where, like, you start to realize that those are your people now, right? Like, they just come in a different form in your, in your circle, in your head. And I'm so grateful for them. And I hope that we're able to be that for our listeners as well, because that's a huge part of it.

You, that's the set. Like, if anyone's listening, like male or female, like, I encourage you to look outside your current circle, right? And if there is someone that maybe you feel intimidated by, like, why, why do you feel intimidated by them? Go have A conversation with them. Go ask them the questions. You know, I think that. And you might find your. The best friends, you know, you might find a bit of this partner you had no idea that you would connect with or that's just willing to be a cheerleader for you. Because that's, that's the other thing, right? Like, over the years, like, the people that are standing up for you in rooms that you're not in are your people and the ones that don't. Or I always, always just thought it funny when someone will say, like, yeah, so and so said this about you. And then I. Over the years, I've gotten to the point of, like, why did they feel comfortable telling me that? I mean, like, if. That. If you would have stood up for me, then they probably wouldn't have said that, you know. So I think that that's also been kind of a light bulb moment for me, like, over the years is like, as someone, if one of them. I do have, like, sometimes, I don't know, like, right. There's rumors, and I hate rumors, but someone will ask me about them then, and I'll be like, I don't know. Like, I can't answer that. And I'm not going to say anything because I don't think that's true. Like, there's sometimes I hear myself and I'll literally look at the person and be like, are you listening to yourself right now? And I know, time to laugh. And I'm like, oh, really? And I was like, plus, who else have you said that to? Like, that's not kind of.

Yeah.

And, you know, don't get me wrong, like, we all pass up about whatever here and there, like in small doses. But when you take a hard look at your conversations at dinner or at lunch or out to drink, like, it could really be about, what can I do to help, you know, your life? What can. What are you struggling with at home? And it laments just a shoulder to cry on or someone to just check on you and be like, hey, you know, you had a really stressful week. Is everything going okay? It's those super small things that I think that we actually forget about.

Well, and they're, they're. They're super small, but they become so big. And when we stop doing all the other gossiping, complaining all the time, then when we truly need to vent, then those quality conversations get to happen. Because I'm not perfect all the time. And I don't ex. I don't ever want a friend to feel so low. And like, well, I'm not going to call Neva because she doesn't like to hear complaining all the time. I don't want it to get to that point ever. But it just allows me to help be a more of a quality, you know, contribution to you and your help us find a solution to what you're going through or just be a lending ear to you when it's not all the time.

Like when I think people just like automatically think that they're a burden. So I despise when people say to me like, I didn't call you because you're so busy. And I was like, no, like I determine my business. You don't determine my business. Like if you were struggling and I was working on something, that doesn't matter, like, I'm gonna drop what I'm doing and come and help you. So like, I think that's what we forget is we just. And everyone does have a life, everyone has family and things to go on. But like, if your friend actually knew that you were struggling, I can guarantee you like your true friends would stop what they were doing. There's no such thing as being too busy for people. And I, I think that's, you know, we live in a such a fast paced world that everything moves so fast. And that's just something that I made on as far as like my quarterly goals is like part of my quarterly goals is like two copies or two lunches with a friend. Right? Like, and it is, it's, it's kind of crazy but like you have to schedule it otherwise it's not going to happen. So normally like we'll lunch and then we'll book the next one because we know that if we don't, it's not going to happen. But know or if you just haven't seen the one for a while. And I think it was not too long ago somebody's Facebook post seemed off to me and I was just like, that does not seem like normal. So I just sent them a message like, hey, can you do coffee soon? I'm like, sure. Shit. Hey. Like something craziness happened and right. They needed to be back, brought back to reality. And then I was like, okay, well we're not going to let that continue to happen, you know, and it's just being that friend too because you're going to need it back at some point in time.

100%. 100%. And I think that up for quality comes in for them as well, you know, because we, when you block out the time, if it's not on the calendar it doesn't exist. Right. We say some of that stuff, but you know, putting it truly on the calendar and blocking it out allows, you know, nobody else to interrupt the time and all the things. And that's really how it should be anyways, so I love that you do that and I, I'm going to steal that from you because I think that's super, that's super important. I just have a final question for you as we start to wrap it up. But if you were to give any advice to somebody that was wanting to get into any sort of like real estate, into the industry, but had the self doubt, what would you say to them? What are the things that you would, you would.

Yeah, you know, conversation. Like sometimes I have that discussion. I'm like, could I. If only I could write myself a letter from who I was like 15 years ago. I think, you know, what I would tell them for one, I mean, like find a mentor. And that doesn't necessarily have to be someone that is in real estate or, you know, I think that's what also worked for me is that I started meeting these other women that were in other industries, but they were also powerhouses in their own industries. And you know, it's a matter of being in the same room with them, going to meetings with them, going to fundraisers with them. And when you get to watch like other females succeed or speak up for themselves, I think that that is empowering for you to be able to watch that. And it's not necessarily like a mentor that you have to meet with all the time or anything like that, but just find someone somewhere that you maybe admire and ask them to go to Kotb, ask them to go to lunch. You know, you'll be surprised. I mean, a lot of those females would love the opportunity, I'm sure, to help someone come up with them or get them out of, you know, whatever self confidence issues they're having, but something just as small as, you know, the podcasts or a book like find a self help book, like those are, that's one of the most beneficial things I've ever done. And also, let's be honest, like the least expensive thing too, like you can buy a book on Audible for, you know, $9 or something like the hard copy, you can do that too. But that's such simple way to start changing mindset and I think, you know, taking care of yourself, because that's what I started to realize over time too, is that because we're such nurturers, we like to take care of everyone else first. You know, I think we've talked about this before, but it became very apparent to me that unless I was taking care of myself first, I couldn't take care of people. Right? So we talk about the. The. The mask on an airplane, right? Like, you have to bed and then someone else. And once, like, you really start to think about that. I think for me, too, it just. It really clicked. And I'm a proponent of, like, working out every single morning. Like, I. That's just me that I need that time. But I've also felt that over time, like, I am less stressed during the day. I can take on more during the day and that time too, right? Like listening to podcasts, and it's kind of like you're setting yourself up. So I think that the other big thing is you have to look at, I don't know, pick your three people you spend the most time with, and you have to really evaluate what are they pouring into you or are they ripping things off, Right? And if they're not, then you have to make those hard decisions, like join business groups. Join. Go to a business after five, go to a. I mean, to be honest, like, my sister's a prime example. You know, they live in big cities. I think big cities are different in that you don't have the ability to, like, network with as many people, like, as a rural USA town, but, like, join random groups. Like, she joined, like, an outdoor women's hiking group, and, like, those are now some of her best friends. And that can still happen when you're 30, 40, 50. Like, you can meet new people all the time. So I think you just have to be willing to have an open mind, but also recognize where you're at and recognize that you might need help, whether that's audibles. You might even need professional help, which is completely fine as well. Um, but I think you have to surround yourself with those people. Start watching YouTubes, find those women in your community that will, you know, help you. And let's be honest, there are also men. Like, I have had some fantastic men supervisors or mentors in my life, and we. I'm not discrediting them at all. That's not what this podcast was about. But I don't think we talk enough about what the female struggle looks like. But I will say that I can think of, like, three men for sure. That one saw that I was hard worker, helped me promote through the rings really fast because I was, you know, rewarded for the work I put in at other jobs, you know, or Gave me opportunities to be in rooms that I would have never thought that I could be in. I think I might have talked about it one other time. It's a little off topic, but it was doing a capital campaign for a new athletic complex and older, well established businessmen. You know, I would go with them to meetings to ask for money. And, you know, I thought most of the time that they were going to take the lead and we'd walk in the room and then they'd be like, well, Ashley's here to tell you about what we're going to do. And I was like, no one here. So, like, I'm already nervous because, like, they're influential men and, like, asking someone for, you know, $50,000 or whatever that might be. And I'll tell you that when I look back, you always have to look back at, like, markers in your life. And that for sure is one of them was being on that leadership campaign. And it wasn't just the males, but I mean, the females in that group too. You know, I was younger, probably by 15 to 20 years, most people in that group, and they scooped me up and they made me a part of everything, every meeting. I mean, to this day, we go to, like, wine parties at their house and those types of things. And they're the kindest humans. But I think that they must have seen something in me. But I don't know, I told them many times, like, how grateful I am. But it's an amazing opportunity when someone is willing to bring you into their circle and kind of like groom you to learn how to have those professional conversations, be more confident in yourself, call you for questions. I mean, it is life changing. But I mean, there were just, you know, like I said, there are other men that I can think of that, you know, when it comes to the real estate, you know, put all their trust in me. You know, you're the expert. You tell me what to do, Ashley. And I think that that really helps over time, give that confidence. So that was a really roundabout answer to your question, but same thing for you. If you had the same thing, somebody came to you and was looking at, where's my next step? How do I feel more confident? How do I move forward? What would you tell them?

I think you hit it the nail on the head. I mean, you've got to do the work. I also think that life, it's so crazy. It just happens like it's supposed to, right? Like you're met in vulnerable states, and if you act on it and you go with the gut and you just take the leap of faith like you mentioned, I think you'll surprise yourself. But I know for me, when this, this industry, I kind of had them like you, like, oh, it's going to be easy. It's going to be fun. I love people. I like houses. I look at houses all the time, you know, and then you get in it and you realize that it's so much more. There's so many other parts to it. And I'm so grateful. I know that I've maybe mentioned it before, but I feel it all the time. Steven brought out a version of myself that I walked up for a long time. And so when you said like a mentor and things like that, when you run into somebody that sees your potential even more so like, than you and genuinely wants to help, you pull that best version of yourself, get ready. Because it is addicting. It's exciting. You crave the days. And that to me will, hands down override any of the bad parts that I have. But in order to find that, you have to do the work, you have to do the self work.

It is.

It's the books. And the crazy part is I'll never forget one of my moments where I started learning how to do the self work. I had bad postpartum after I had my daughter, and I just couldn't get out of it. And I literally opened my computer and typed in how to be happy. Kid you not. I typed in YouTube how to be happy. And this guy pops up and he's talking about how it's impossible to be happy and mad at the same time. And so kind of gave just some generic, like, think of a happy thought, you know? And it wasn't that, like, I couldn't think of happy things. It was just like, my body wouldn't let me think of be happy. And so one thought, one happy thought led to the next happy thought. And my son walked in and he had my bus pump and he was pretending like it was a trumpet. And it was the first time I had laughed. And I kid you not, like, nine months. And that's that clicked for me that, like, I have to continue. Like, it's not just gonna happen. If I want to be different and have the different mindset, I have to do different now. That was like chemical imbalance. Call it whatever you want, but I. I didn't want it anymore. I didn't want to feel that way anymore. And so I started to dive into the work and. And you literally pull up YouTube and if you just type in something, you're feeling frustrated or how to be motivated or how to be successful, you just type it in and all of this stuff happens. It's crazy. It's like it almost knows your thoughts some days because I, I do the motivational stuff too and I just, I don't know what I'm going to listen to. I just type something in whatever I'm feeling that day and boom. The most life changing video I'd heard to that date, you know, So I, I would, I would definitely agree with you on that. And surrounding yourself with people that are genuine, authentic, embrace you in your authentic self. Because we've all been in rooms where we've not been accepted for just being who we are and it doesn't feel good. And it, you know, we're too loud or we're to this or we're too that. And so we diminish ourselves and then we end up losing a little part of ourselves. Coming to this brokerage, I feel like I have found myself again. I have allowed myself to like, you know, be the toddler in the trampoline park where they're supposed to yell, they're supposed to be loud and they're supposed to do all things because it's a safe place to do it in.

Right.

And I just, I, I've, I still have those times. This is why doing those daily things is important because I still have those. Is this really my life? Like, is this really what's happening? I think that's part of being human and normal and all the things. But yeah, I completely agree with you on all of those things.

And I agree. I mean, there are some days that I'm like, why, why am I doing this? Like, this is exhausting. People are horrible. Like, I'll crawl in a hole for a couple days or whatever, right? So we have like no days. Perfect. We're not going to be happy every single day. We're not going to crush the world every day. And you'd like to, you know, run to the mountaintop every day, but sometimes we stay at base camp for a while, you know, and that's okay. I think you made a good point though, right. Our fearless leader, Steven, who is not with us today. But why we're here, I mean, right? Like this is why we're here on this podcast today. He's one of the most amazing men that I think, you know, when our, you and I have met and there is something about, you know, Stephen and when you get an idea and you run with it and being able to be around someone like him and run these ideas together and run these wild paths together and know that at the end of the day, we're making ground and we're impacting people's lives and we're able to have these open discussions that, you know, we hope impact someone that's listening today to know that no, we're here to help. You know, whether that's encouraging you to do those things or you can always reach out to any of us. So definitely, Stephen. But Nita, thank you so much for your time today. I think this was a great episode. You know, obviously these are our personal views, which is why we're here, so you can hear what we have to say. But if you're looking for more, you can check us out@leadinglanecompany.com or Leading Lane Company on Facebook and we're happy to help you in any way that we can. Have a great day.

Thank you. Have a great ones.

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