Stress Unraveled: Healing Burnout with Maya Miller | LeadingLane Podcast | Ep 23

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros, with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic, and raw perspective, you found it.

All right, well, welcome to the podcast. I'm super excited for our guest today. We have Maya Miller. And we actually both Ashley and I have hired Maya. And I won't steal your thunder, but give us a little rundown and then we'll go into why we got into hiring you each individually.

You want me to go first or do you want Ashley to go first?

I want you to go, Maya. Who are you? What do you do? Why? What's going on?

So my name is Maya Miller. Thanks for having me on. I'm super excited to be here with you beautiful, amazing people. You guys are two of my favorite clients ever, because you're like, no bullshit, and you just do exactly what you need to do. So you guys are like my faves. Love you so much. I am a functional diagnostic nutrition practitioner. That's just a fancy way of saying that I run clinical labs on behalf of my clients, who are often busy entrepreneurs. They're moms, dads of humans, of businesses, of dogs. They have often burned themselves out from burning the candle at both end. They've gone to the doctor, tried to order labs. The doctor either said no or ran some random labs or like, everything's normal. And then my clients kind of go off on their own trying to figure out how do I feel better? Because I know that all of the symptoms that I have are not normal. So, yeah, I run clinical labs based off of your medical history that go really deep. And based off of those clinical labs, I figure out what are based off of the medical history. I figure out what labs I want to run. And the purpose of those labs is really just to be kind of a medical detective. While we're waiting on labs, we do some quick wins. Some quick wins around kind of non negotiable, low hanging fruit. And then when I get those labs back, I connect all the. All of the dots and that allows me to put together tailored protocols that reverse all of your symptoms. So I'm not a doctor. I don't play one on tv, but I oftentimes can do the things that your doctors weren't ever able to help you with, because I look at your entire body as a whole, and I look at your entire biography as a whole because your biography becomes your biology. So, yeah, that's kind of what I do.

Love it. Thank you. You said it so much. Better than I ever could have. I call you my nutrition chick. Everybody knows you, Ashley.

What do you call me?

I just think I like my. I think I say, like, wellness. That's normally what I say.

My wellness lady. I like nutrition chick.

Let's go for it.

I mean, so I'm glad I didn't introduce you that way so that they got the official, like, what you do, and it's way more in depth than just nutrition. Right? Yeah. So, Ashley, what was you. You've obviously are still currently working with Maya. Um, what was like the, like the start of you thinking that you need to find help and started looking for the solution? Like Maya.

Yeah, I was actually. We were in Chicago and we were just talking about. I had actually hired a different functional medicine. And what I thought was interesting was I was getting, hey, you should take all these pills. But I always thought it was interesting because there was no labs or anything. So I was like, how do I know that I'm actually taking the right pills that I should be taking? And our friend Tracy, you know, we kind of talked to her about it. I just talked about that. I obviously, I definitely am burn both ends of the candle, but what that was doing and how I feel, and I just feel gross all the time and tired and stomach issues. And then that's when she was like, you have to speak to my friend Maya. And we got introduced. I think Stephen reached out first and was like, you're gonna love her.

Yeah, I know that from that conversation. Like, I instantly was like, Tracy sent me, like, an introductory email and we got Maya and I got on a call and I was like, fuck, yeah. Like, she's my. My type of people. Like, let's. Let's get down to it. And me too. You know, like, as far as, like, I feel like I'm. Every time I go to the doctor, it's always just shoving another, you know, prescription at me and never really got down to the root cause. And being quite honest, I don't feel that I've ever had a doctor take the time to truly review everything and understand and make sure that I was understanding as well. I think they just looked at me as like, chart versus a human. So my. Like, when. When you work with people, what do you think, like, the first aha moment that you get out of them is? Or even. I mean, you can use me. I don't care. I'm going to speak for Ashley. You can use her. What is our first, like, aha moments?

So, well, first of all, I want to take a Step back. That I have, like, full body chills right now. And so it makes me, like, a weird combination of enraged and sad, annoyed and frustrated, that, like, there are people out there that experience these things very, very frequently. So, like, first I want to just acknowledge all of the people who have gone to their doctors or gone to a practitioner, and it just didn't go the way that they. That they had wanted to. Now, so you want to know what are. What were my first aha. Moments around you guys?

Yeah, we can go with that. That works.

Okay. I was like, wait a second. Did I. Did I get. Did I get that question right?

Yeah, that works.

So my first aha moment, I would say with I'm very intuitive, some might say a little witchy, where I hear things and they're not my things. They're like, things for you guys. So, you know, for me, my first aha moment with Ashley was, I think that she's always been the good girl who needed to kind of prove her worthiness through her actions, that whether this is true or not, that she. She felt like just being herself was never enough. That was my first like. Like, download that I got about Ashley. And that means that she has spent her life playing the role of the worker, which is, I'm going to do good. I'm going to be good. I'm going to get a lot of that external validation. I'm. And I'm sure that is one of the reasons that Ashley has been so successful in life. She's been rewarded by this really scarcity mindset that I am not enough. And so she's like, I'm going to prove to you that I'm enough. And so for me, when I looked at. When my first conversation around that, and then I started getting kind of like her medical history back, and then all of the labs, and they really just confirmed all of that. Ashley, am I. Am I pretty on point with kind of that first?

Aha. Yeah, sure. I mean, it is. I mean, it. It's just funny because it's kind of like we talked about, actually. Stephen and I's episode that came out yesterday was about burnout. And, you know, just through all of that, there's this worse that we're all trying to find. And I think both of you can agree, like, I'm in a different spot than I was, you know, a year or six months ago, 100%, you know, but it's through people helping you that you get through that. But otherwise, it's. It's daunting. And you try to take on the weight of the world for everyone else. And at the end of the day, you know, through working with you, I realized that I was. I was, like, burning myself out, making myself sick. I'll never forget when you told me that, like, you wanted me to stop playing volleyball. And I started crying because I was like, what do you mean I can't play volleyball? And you're like, no, your. Your body is just, like, that stressed out. I think, you know, there's a. One of the quizzes that you do, and it was like, I can't. I thought to myself, like, I can't be that bad. And we got there, and you're like, I was on the one that was. You can't be that bad as how.

Far burned out I was so completely crashed. And by the way, I can, like, I can. I can really empathize. I remember when I. I'm a former D1 tennis player, and so I remember when an orthopedic told me, like, a couple of years ago I was having Achilles issues that, like, would not ever go away. They just. It just stopped going. It just kept coming up over and over and over again. And I remember him being like, you got to stop playing tennis. And I literally cried in his office. So, like, I understand that. Like, I understand. And in the reality was, is I had a whole bunch of stressful things happening in my life. And cortisol shortens muscle fibers, and so when you have shortened muscle fibers, you are significantly more prone to injury. And I had. Had probably six or seven injuries in the matter of, like, four weeks, one of which I had to go to the ER for and get a cortisone shot because I couldn't walk. I couldn't walk, I couldn't lay, I couldn't sit. I couldn't do anything. So, like, I totally can empathize with, like, just want to, like, go out and do these things that make me feel powerful or make me relax. So I totally. I totally get it. And sometimes you do need to take a step back in order to kind of take some steps forward. Stephen, with you, I felt like my.

Aha.

Like, with you, like, what my initial impression was, like, there's a veil here. There's this veil that keeps me disconnected from, like, people don't truly see me. Like, there's almost like a disconnection that, like, maybe you. You. You're good at faking it, right? But, like, you really feel very disconnected. And so that probably has to do with a lot of the things that you've Experienced, you know, growing up as well. And so it was really important for me for. For you to feel seen. Like, that was, like, the thing that I really had to be like, okay, I need him to really see me seeing him. And I feel like some of the. And I don't know how much you want to get into. I'm going to err on less versus more. But I feel like some of the labs, you know, like, the thing that I was, like, really kind of, like, nervous about kind of talking to you about, I was like, you know, I feel like there's some things with labs that just, like, clicked right with you and some things. Same with things. Same thing with Ashley is like. With Ashley, I was like, have you had mold? Like, mold exposures, like, more than once? Because these markers are bananas. And a couple of markers for you where I'm like. I don't know how to say this, but this is popping up for me. I'm not a doctor. I'm not here to diagnose or treat, but this may make you connect some dots, right? And so, you know, the way that I want to work with my clients is, like, I want to see them as human beings. I want to look at the whole body in front of me. And it's not until after I, like, take a really good, long, hard look at you as a human being, then kind of like my weird, sciencey, like, OCD brain kicks in, and I'm like, okay, now I want to dig, right? I'm like a little gopher. I'm like, okay, these labs. Let's. Let's look at this here so that. So that I can kind of say, okay, all of this makes sense, but really, all of the work starts with, like, me acknowledging you as a human being, and then we go from there.

I think that, like, for me going through all of that, the. The aha moments, there are so many different things that you said, like, not even about the labs, just making the connections of why I am the way that I am, right? Like, this was passed through. And I'm gonna not take your. Your analogy, but the analogy that I remember you giving me was talking about how our parents carry around the baggage from their parents, and then they pass the baggage down on to you. So can you share that? Cause that was, like, huge for me of how much weight I was. I was carrying for things in the past and for others.

Oh, man. Yeah. So one of the things that. I mean, we are, like, an amalgamation of all of the people that we have spent a lot of time with and our parents, our friends, but really our parents are kind of like, you know, like the main ones. When we, when we first started, you know, when we first started like living. And so, you know, there's kind of, there's the subconscious part, your brain, your mind is broken up into kind of two, two big pieces. And I want you to, for this, I want you to imagine a, a iceberg. So an iceberg, it's really big on the bottom, right? And it's really small at the top. And this iceberg represents like your brain and your mind. And so if you think about your parents between the ages of like 0 to 8, right? Like so think about your mom and dad or parents, dad, dad, mom, mom, whatever the combo was. Think about your parents between the ages of 0 to 8. You've got this mind and it's broken up into the subconscious, which is the small part of the iceberg. It's 5% of all brain processes happen in the, in the subconscious part of your brain. And then you've got the, I'm sorry, that's the conscious part of your brain. Then the subconscious part of your brain is everything underneath the water. It's like 95% of all brain activity happens in the subconscious part of your brain. And, and the one part is significantly more powerful than the other. And it's the subconscious part of your brain. The subconscious part of your brain is kind of where your beliefs and values live. It's the right side of the brain that develops first in children. It's where your beliefs and values are. Your emotions live here. Your habits and urges live here. Survival and fear lives here. Imagination, intuition lives here. All of your long term memory lives here. It only thinks in the present. I am, has no sense of humor. It's very literal and it can't differentiate between like real and imagined things. It believes anything and it's very illogical. So what the conscious part of your brain does, it's logical, it's rational, it's analytical executive function. Short term memory, willpower. Lives here, right? Have the pizza, don't have the pizza, have the pizza, don't have the pizza. And we think that the, the thinking brain is very powerful, but it's just not. Like if you're trying to think your way out of a problem, like you are bringing like a knife to a gun show. Well, to think about like brain development as kids 0 to 8 years old, you're in this phase of downloading. 8 to 12 is where you kind of start getting logic. And then 12 plus you start reinforcing the things that have been downloaded subconsciously and the things that you have kind of brought some logic around. Right. And so your mom and dad, when they were born, they had absolutely no logic, no reason or inhibitory processes. It means that in this download phase, between the ages of 0 to 8, anything that they heard, saw or felt went directly into their subconscious. They are born with fear of falling, loud noises. And all other fears are learned over the years through identification and association. And it's during these years that the child creates a library of identifications and associations. They classify some things as good and some things as bad. And then these associations become the life script of that child. Think about now. Your child parents have now grown up and this means that they're now pouring into you. And everything that their parents poured into them are now they're pouring into you. Which means your great great grandparents gave a set of bags to their kids, who gave a set of bags to your mom and dad, who gave a set of bags to you. So you were this like 4 year old walking around with a, you know, military grade backpack of bullshit that doesn't even belong to you. None of it is yours. But you've been walking around your entire life being like, here's my backpack. Gotta carry this backpack everywhere I go. And sometimes it takes somebody like a coach to be like, oh, put that shit down. It's not yours. None of it belongs to you. You get to right now. You're no longer a child. You do have executive function and reason. We do have the ability to reprogram subconscious brain. We get to choose what your future looks like. Do you like this backpack?

No.

Let's get rid of it. So that was a very long winded. That's the why behind. Behind what? The what behind the. The why behind the what. So that's why that was so impactful for you. But it was, it's impactful. And I know to bring it up because of all of this brain science that's kind of at the foundation of a lot of my practice.

Sure. Yeah. No, that was a huge eye opener for me. Like donate that shit to Goodwill, get rid of it. Right. Bye.

Bye.

Yes. See you later. Not even. See you never.

Ashley. What do you just take on? You wrote down a question, I think.

Oh, I was just saying as far as like some things, that one of the really simple things that you had me do right away was the aura ring which tracks your readiness and sleep. And Steven knows that I'm like psychotic about trying to get it to the exceptional Level. But when I started wearing it and here like I'm thinking that I'm getting all of this enough rest, if you will. Yeah, like every morning it would be like not. It was only like good. And I was like, well, I don't like good. Like I was on top of everything. And I think it took like maybe three months for me to even like step up a level. And it was really when I had started, you know, dissecting certain things, if you will. And then I. We were, when we were on vacation like a month ago, there was like a day of sleep. Like I got plenty of good sleep and it came up to exceptional and I was like, I did it, I'm back. Had taken it away. But I think when you're really starting to be aware of those things or you know, you have a late night and then you see how much it actually affects the next day. Like you're just more aware of, oh, like I want to be in bed a little bit earlier. I have my routine. It also finds your routine and tells you how far off you are. So I think just being aware of how important sleep really is even it'll tell you like, don't exercise today. Your body can't withstand what you were planning or whatnot. And it's just, it's so interesting to me.

Yeah, you know, it's interesting because your programming of must be good, right? Like must be good, must be excellent. Really sometimes can cloud your, your reality. Like you, your, your identity is being good. And these, your identity is kind of like a pair of rose colored glass just change the way that everything looks and sometimes. And the reason that I love the Oura ring over a wearable that like talks to you like your Apple watch. I hate them. You know, the Fitbits hate them. I hate anything that like beeps at you and tells you like you're late for a meeting or whatever. Right. I love the Oura ring because you wear looks like just dope jewelry and once a day you, after you sleep in the morning, you sink your, you sink it, you sync it up and you pretty much don't look at it for the rest of the day, right? Because it's on your hand and it's not talking to you. It's not an additional thing that stresses you the F out. And so sometimes you need to level set like okay, maybe I just don't know what I not only I just don't know what I don't know, right? Like there's things that we know, right? Like tell me one Thing that you know, Steven.

Oh, shit. I don't know. Don't drink out of a water bottle.

Anymore out of a plastic water bottle, okay?

Because I have one right in front of me, and I was like, I can't drink in front of her right now. It's a plastic water bottle, okay?

And then, like, what's one thing that you don't know? Do you know how to speak Polish?

No. No clue.

Okay, now tell me, like, 10 things that you don't know that you don't know.

I don't.

You can't. You can't. You can't tell me 10 things that you don't know that you don't know because you don't know that you don't know them. Right?

Right.

And so I would say the things that we know represent, like, 5, 5, 5, 5% of the.

Of the.

Of, like, the circle.

And.

And then there's, like, the things that we don't know that probably represent another 20% of the circle. And then the, like, things we don't know that we don't even know represent 75% of the circle.

Right?

The. The solution to the things that you keep running into don't live in the things that you know, because if you knew the answer, you would do them, right? They don't live in the things that you don't know because you don't know them, but they more than likely live in the things that you don't know, and you don't even know that you know them. And so that's where you need to have this, like, external perspective. And that's my job as a coach, to be like, okay, Ashley seems pretty type A over here. I bet you getting an aura ring onto her would motivate her, right? Like, I'm using the things that I know like that, like, make my clients tick in a way that's, like, positive, because, yeah, we think we've got it. We think we're being good, but, like, the reality is we don't even know what good is. We haven't felt good in our bodies since, like, the day we were born. So we don't know what good is. There's no frame of reference for that today. For most. Most people, sure.

And I know that when you and I were first started working together, you were. You asked me a question like, are you always in fight or flight mode? And I was like, no, I'm good. I'm good. And then we started really getting into some shit, and I was like, oh, my God. That's all I'm, I'm ready to fight 24 7. Like, let's go. Like, but that's not good, right? That's where in, in my opinion, the burnout comes into play. And, you know, it's constantly, like you said, burning from both ends. So what are some indicators for people that are out there that, you know, high cortisol, like, going just off the rocker, that they need to say, like, take a moment, reflect. Maybe you need to reevaluate some things that are going on in life.

So would it be helpful to kind of explain what fight or flight mode is before we kind of do that? Just so that if your listeners aren't like super familiar. So your autonomic nervous system has two components to it. One is called fight or flight. The technical name is your sympathetic nervous system, but I'm going to call it fight or flight because it's easier to say. And then the other half is your. The part of you that is called rest and digest, and that is the parasympathetic nervous system. And here's how the nervous system works. So there's some zebras hanging out at the watering hole. They are resting, they are digesting, they are sunning, they have their feet on the ground, they're earthing, they're communing, having conversations with their fellow zebra homies. Life is good. All of a sudden, Simba is like in the distance. And instantaneously, the adrenals, which are these two tiny little. They're about the size of a cube of sugar, they sit on the kidneys, they instantaneously surge cortisol, which is the stress hormone. And so some things are enhanced. Right? Simba's coming to get you, A saber tooth tiger is coming to get you. And so what needs to happen? Well, you need to get away, right? You're really focused on short term survival. So heart rate goes up, blood pressure goes up, breathing rate goes up, big flow. Blood flow to big muscle movers goes up, energy goes up, strength goes up. Okay, but there's the. The body is always in balance. So if we're optimizing, enhancing all those things I just said, that means we are suppressing digestion. Which is why people, when they're scared, will, like, you know, go to the bathroom in their pants. If you can't digest your food, that's a problem. Because your cells need those micronutrients in order to function. Your immune system response is suppressed. It does not matter whether or not your immune system can handle cancer cells. If Simba is going to eat you Reproduction, it does not, it goes down. It doesn't matter whether or not you can have a baby if Simba is going to eat you. Growth hormone production doesn't matter that you can grow or to repair your tissues if Simba is about to eat you. So in, if we are constantly in fight or flight, the body is constantly prioritizing any or prior is, is prioritizing anything that, that it doesn't, anything that it needs for immediate survival, right? So the things that you don't need for immediate survival, like really important things, immune system reproduction, like cancer, fighting cancer, like all of that stuff gets put on, gets put on the back burners. And so your adrenals, like they are responsible for that part of that process, they're responsible for hormone regulation, electrolyte balance, fight or flight response, sleep and wake cycles, blood sugar regulation, and then kind of this fat switch that I really talk about. And so how do you know if you are, if you are what symptoms, right? So your question was like, okay, what symptoms are you going to, are you going to kind of really experience? And the symptoms are going to depend on the stage that you're in. So we've got stress that causes this part of our nervous system to go into fight or flight. And if that happens, if that happens for kind of a period of time, you're going to be in this stressed level, okay? But if that continues for an extended period of time and the time is different for everybody because everybody has a different amount of vital reserve, then you kind of move into this tired and wired phase. And then if the stressors still don't continue, then you move into this crashed phase. I'm going to walk you through the symptoms kind of like in all of these phases. But before I do that, I'd love to kind of walk you through what are stressors, right? Because we don't have like Simbas walking around. It's not a saber toothed tiger that's causing our bodies to go into fight or flight. So there's the first category of stressors or physical stress. So any sort of trauma, women or men who have been sexually assaulted, you know, trauma with a capital T or trauma with either a smaller lowercase T, micro traumas, fractures, muscle injuries, nerve compressions, repetitive injuries, intense and prolonged exercise. I'm looking at athletes right now, poor posture accidents, car accidents, those kinds of things, right? Snowboarding accidents, traumatic brain injuries. So if your listeners, right, like start, like doing mental, mental checklist of look. Oh yeah, I've had those. Then you've got chemical stressors Everybody has these inflammatory foods. Yes. Additives. Everybody's eating them. Pesticides and GMOs. It's in all of our water. Alcohol, for the most part. Caffeine, yes. Sugar? Yes. Drugs, for sure. Pharmaceuticals. It's in your water. Every woman who's on birth control is urinating that into the water. And our water treatment plants do not filter that out. We are literally drinking estrogen in the water. We got drugs, party drugs, right? Fun stuff. Poor sleep, lack of exercise, Antibiotics, over the counter meds. Okay. Like literally probably every single one of your listeners is like putting a check mark next to almost every single one of those things. And then we've got emotional stressors. Cool. We just came out of a global pandemic filled with fear, worry, anxiety. It ruined relationships. I mean negative perceptions, existential angst, you know, bad attitude. All of those things are like we experience all of those things. This primitive part of your nervous system can't differentiate between a saber tooth tiger and your husband being a jerk. Like it's just the same a shitty email from your boss and a woolly mammoth coming to like impale you with its tusks. Same. It's very binary, right? It's this primitive part of your nervous system. And so depending on how long you've experienced those kinds of stressors, it will put you into, into either that stressed, tired or wired or kind of crashed environment level. And so if you are stressed, right, And I have a, there's like a quiz that you can do that'll give you your level. But if you're stressed, you're gonna feel edgy. Other people to you are going to seem really slow. Like they can't get your coffee fast enough. They can't hit the gas fast enough. You're like, you know, like everybody is just super slow, super dumb, can't get it right. Like let's go, let's go, let's go. Right? Your sleep, it's hard to fall asleep. Like head is going, you've got that cortisol that's like keeping you up and then your mental function can be kind of like fast and scattered. That's so that's kind of where I would put people that are stressed. So your body is constantly trying to adapt and after a while your body is going to, is going to have a hard time adapting and there's this maladaption that happens and you move into tired and wired. One quick thing about that stressed phase. Oh, it feels so good. It feels so good. You feel like you are just doing it all you are the queen of the world. You are getting your to do list done. You're getting that workout in. I mean, you are firing on all cylinders and you're like, yeah, this is also where literally all of the damage is happening. Cortisol feels good until it doesn't. But it also breaks you down at a cellular level, like fun. So if, if you are in that stressed phase for a while, it's like the good time's gonna stop happening. Like it's after a while, you' going to start hitting a wall and you're going to move into this tired and wired phase. So how are you going to feel? You're going to all of a sudden go from feeling edgy to feeling overwhelmed. You're going to go from feeling that other people are too slow, that they're actually incompetent. Right. Like they're idiots. You may be able to fall asleep, but now you can't stay asleep. You are waking up between 2 to 4am Something like that. And your mental function at this point can be like a little erratic. Now if you are, if those stressors still keep happening, right, maladaption is getting worse and worse and worse. In this crashed phase, you're going to feel exhausted. You will sleep 12 hours and wake up as if you have slept 12 seconds. Other people are going to seem like they're very demanding, like, everybody wants something from me and I can't handle it. Your sleep, you may be sleeping 12 hours, but you're waking up completely unrefreshed. You are not fresh as a daisy in the morning. And your mental function, you're just like. You have complete brain fog, unable to generate ideas. You go downstairs to pour coffee and then you're standing in the kitchen, you're like, wait, what am I?

What?

I don't remember what I. Why I came here for. So those are kind of the why you'll get into those phases, right? What causes them and then how you would feel when you are in each of those phases.

Yeah. Ashley, did you like feel any of that? Like, did you go through your like, mental checklist and be like, yep, I was there.

Yeah.

I mean, and actually like, I was thinking like that one of those sounds like Ben right now. You know, it's just interesting when someone puts it in a perspective for you to just be like, oh, like, yep. I just thought that was normal. Isn't that how everyone acts is not how we just process every day?

Well, I think going through that, that quiz that she has or that questionnaire, you know, like Having to select a number. I think that's the one that was like a one to five type of thing.

Yep. Drop down boxes.

Yeah, yeah. Like, where do you rank yourself? And there's no bullshit around giving an answer in it. Right. Like so it's forcing you to stop and think, and what do I rank myself at? And then when you get that bottom score and you're like minus 18, you all right?

That's when I was like, no, there's no way I'm considered trash.

That's something.

I must have picked the wrong number.

Yeah. Let me go back and maybe re. Smudge some, some other ones real quick. Like I thought everybody, I thought this was good. No, but it is.

It is good to offer a reframe, right? Like we're constantly, especially if we are. Are children of trauma, which many of us overachievers are, this is our trauma response, is to become a perfectionist. And one of the things that we do is we constantly classify things in life as good and bad, good and bad, good and bad. Because we've always been classifying ourselves as good or bad, good or bad, good or bad.

So.

I don't know what is good, what is bad. It's just a story, man. It's a story that we tell ourselves about ourselves and about the people in our lives to like, help us like get through the day. But like, is it really bad that like, you have a crash score? Like, my reframe on that is like, cool. I'm glad that we know because once you know, right. Once you're aware of something, you can change something. And so I really, I think one of the things that I really try to help my clients experience is a judge free way through the program. Like, it's just a story. Good, bad, you know, late. Like all these things, they're just stories. None of it's real. You either did something or you didn't do something. And then there's the stories that we create about what you did or you didn't do. And like, what if we could use all of these things that we're experiencing and discovering for ourselves to like, change who we are being so that we can change what we are doing. So that we can change what we have at the end of the week, month, year, life.

Absolutely. No, I, I think for me, like, all of it is such eye opener and it's the line in the sand to be able to say, okay, this is where I'm at to start. And now what do I need to do? Baby steps. Chunk it away. To so that I'm not so overwhelmed. Because I don't know if this is just me, but, you know, I've done every single fad diet that is out there, like, whatever it is going to be, and go all in. And then it completely, you know, once I'm off, then gain everything back. Right. So it's this constant battle and none of it put it in perspective, like, what you have put it in perspective for me in that framework. So I, I know that it, it is great to have that analytical information and then layer the labs on top of that head help even more and continuously with the, with efforts.

Yeah, I, I think that, man, we're constantly looking for, like, the thing to do. Like, Maya, what supplement should I take? Maya, should I eat cheese? Maya, like, what workout should I do? Like, people are always, like, wanting to know, like, okay, tell me, like, what do I need to do? What do I need to do? But during our very first call, our onboarding call, do you guys remember that, like, the activity that I did with you guys? And I said, this is going. This is like, this one activity is going to be the foundation for, like, literally everything else we do in the program.

Was it the identity one?

Yeah, it's your identity adjectives.

Yeah.

So how did that help you? Because, you know, you, you talked about, like, oh, I, you know, in the past, I'd, like, start something and then I would quit or I'd lose the weight, but then I gain it back. Right. There's this kind of like, yo, yo thing that's happening.

Yeah.

And, and you're not the first person that said that. Like, you're not the only person that's ever experienced that. That's like struggling with health and wellness. And I know that taking action isn't the solution. I know that changing, like, the programming that's making the hardware work. Like, if your body is the hardware, your mind, your conscious and subconscious brain is the software that makes the body work. And so, you know, for me, having you start from a place of like, okay, what do I want to have? List all of these things. And like, yeah, okay, you want new results, you need to take new actions. Let's write down all of those actions. But that's where people start, and that is where people fail. Because you have to have the identity of the kind of person that can do the things you need to do to have the things that you want to have. So for all of my clients, I'm like, there are certain identity adjectives that have been your old programming. Right. People I've been people pleasing. I've been, you know, all of these, like, all these things. Okay, how's that working out for you? You're here, like fat, sick and nearly dead. Like, to quote the. What it was. That was a movie, right? That director just died. So anyway, yeah, so it's like, okay, well, yeah, yes, of course we want to take new actions, but do you want to take consistent action? Well, consistency is part of the identity of a healthy person, right? So it's not just taking action. You want to take consistent action. You want to take action for the rest of your life. And so that it's like focusing on the actions and the systems is kind of like putting the cart in front of the horse. You need to figure out, like, what is the fuel that, like, makes the horse run. What's the software, right, that makes that. That horse run or you run?

No, I. For me, like, the. I had to just pull up my, My notes real quick. Like, I had to pull my adjectives, right. I wanted to be kind, respectful, compassionate, powerful, and extraordinary. And so really, it's almost the things that you have to tell yourself, what are you going to stop doing first then? Now you have the foundation that you can start moving forward.

Well, so it's interesting, like, early on, right? I asked you to. Right away, I was like, hey, can we pull alcohol?

Okay.

And by the way, you were drinking a lot. Yeah, there was a lot of alcohol.

I was like, there's what else to do here. Right, Right.

And I remember talking to you about it, and you're like, yo, I live in, like, a real small town in the Midwest. And I'm like, I get it. And he's like, there's nothing else to do here. And I'm like, okay, so is this gonna be, like, if I asked you to do this, is. Is this even going to be a problem? And was it ever a problem for you? Like, was it. Did you ever struggle with that? I made ask, you agreed and said, okay, I'm gonna pull. I was like, just for like a short amount of time, let's, like, just, let's stop drinking. Were you able to do that easily or did you struggle with it?

No, I did it easily, honestly. And I believe. I can't remember if it was two or three weeks. And I was like, cool, I'm good. And then I remember having a discussion with you that I don't know what it was, if it was a holiday or whatnot, but I was like, I. I drank. And you're like, there's Nothing wrong with that. But it. Don't put yourself down, but you did what you needed to do. And if you continue to cut back and you continue to be conscious about what you are doing, that is what we're after.

The reason that it was easy for you is because you were operating from your identity adjectives.

Right?

Right. Because does a powerful person not be able to like, like pull alcohol for three, four weeks? No. Powerful people can do whatever the fuck they want to.

Right, Right.

Does a kind person. Right. Like if you're being kind to your body and we saw all the things that were going on with your body, right. And you have a paid professional being, like, it's related to your drinking. Does a kind person knowing that information say, oh, no, I'm gonna drink anyway? No, it's. It's the new programming and that is why it was easy for you. And here is a cheat code for everybody. If it's not easy, you're not gonna do it.

Right?

If it's not easy, you're not going to do it. Humans are hardwired to do two things. One is seek pleasure, sex, drugs, rock and roll, let's throw some food in there. The second thing that they're hardwired to do is avoid pain. So if, if I'm like, okay, enjoy your kale smoothie four times a day, Ashley. Like, yum, kale smoothies. Right. You're going to be like, get the heck out of here. Like you were insane. I'm not going to do this long term. Even if you could do it for the short term. Right. So those identity adjectives help you find freedom and flow.

And I'm going to throw out here, sorry, Ashley. And then I'll throw it back over to you. I know we haven't gotten to my new updated labs yet, but I would like for you to take note at my liver enzymes of where the first one that you have, and I have older ones, I think you have quite a bit of them. But then to where I am now, so that's. We can set that up for our next call. Go ahead, Ashley.

It's just gonna. You had us write down those adjectives as well and like put them places. Yeah. Three that I remember are be kind, be consistent, and be organized. Kind is on my mirror, so I have to see it every morning when I'm getting ready because it's also being kind to myself. Being consistent is on the refrigerator door because I want to be consistent in what I'm consuming and then being organized. I actually took to the office And I have it on my desk at the office. But when you like constantly have to look at it, it's like a stark reminder of whatever. The desk is a mess, but I'm looking at that. So then I clean it up before I leave. But it's just amazing how then over the last couple months. Right, right. You hire a bookkeeper because not organized as far as that comes, you know, so it's just interesting when you consume yourself in looking at those, how it affects every day.

Yeah, well, it's a system, right? Like your, your goals are bullshit. Losers and winners all have the same goals. Like your goals don't matter. The people that won gold at the Olympics had systems that allowed them to take consistent action. And so yeah, we could have like gone. You know, you could have created those identity adjectives and you could have like had them in your coaching call notes where I wrote them up for you and then you would never look at them again. Or I could tell you, can you put one in front of your toilet so that when you take a poo in the morning, you're looking, you have a physical reminder of like, I am going to be kind, consistent, powerful. Like all these things, you need to have systems for taking action. And so seeing those on a post it note, right. It's like very specific. I want you to take it, put it on a post it note and put it in places that you're going to see so that you can remind yourself, Right. Is this the behavior of a powerful person? No. Okay, I'm going to stop behaving this way then because I am powerful.

It's just something I say. So simple, but so impactful.

The most impactful things are simple.

And really it's breaking it down just to that level. And I think that you can take that to nutrition, health, to business. I mean, it's all the way across the board, the consistency aspect of it. So tell the, the listeners like if they want to get in contact with you, give us your rundown how they can reach out to you, find some more information about you.

Yeah. So you would go to my website, mayamiller.com that's, that's Maya with a J. And there's some information there about kind of my four phases, how I operate, how much things cost. And if you are interested in chatting, there's a quick little application I have you fill out just so that I'm not showing up to the call blind and I can prepare a little bit. And after you fill out the application, you'll just schedule a Time magically on my calendar, and then Zoom will do the rest. We'll have a discovery call where you can kind of tell me a little bit about what's going on. I don't accept all clients. I'm actually very particular about who I accept because I have 100% success rate, so I don't want to mess that up. But not everybody's ready for the work, and that's okay. And then there's also times where, like, I know I'm not the best fit for somebody, and there may be somebody that I think is smarter than me or better than me in an area that I feel like you really need. So at the end of that call, I'll either extend an invitation to work with each other, or I will let you know. I don't think it's a good fit, but I think this person might be a great resource for you. And then we get started, and then we get to get to do some onboarding and write out your own identity adjectives.

Super honestly. Super easy. Very easy to work with. I. I think that. Not. I think I know you've made a huge impact on. On my life, Maya. So I greatly appreciate you. And, you know, the labs. Yes. Give the. The numbers, but you're the one that's truly delivering them and making the impact. So thank you for everything that you do for me.

Oh, thank you, guys. You're gonna make me tear up on video.

Well, I have to say that, you know, it's two things I wanted to say is that, you know, you've impacted, obviously, myself, but also just our. Our company in general is fully impacted because of what has come about. So to keep it short. Right. Like, one of the problems was that I had mold in my system. And I remember you sent me a message, and you're like, is there any chance that you live or work in somewhere where it's a wet often? And I wrote back, and I think I was like, you mean because I put buckets underneath the windows at my office? Does that correlate to anything? You know? And we. We ended up doing a mold test in my office, and it was a high level, and we had to move very quickly. We had no intentions of leaving. And lo and behold, you know, a week ago, we closed on a brand new building, and I'm relocating my whole entire office to a new location, which, to be honest, like, the location is perfect. I was just telling someone the other day, it was kind of heartwarming to me. I, like, saw my agents walking out of coffee shops and, you know, little restaurants where we are located now. But I mean, that would have never have happened. We would still be in that building. I would still be just as sick as I was had we not had this phone call. So it's just amazing how something that simple but now, like we're changed the whole entire office, everyone's super excited about a new location. But that wouldn't have happened. So I'm grateful. I know we're still through that, working on that journey, but I'm super grateful for that. And I think the other thing is just if you could leave the listeners with a couple pieces of advices, which I know were really simple for me was getting sunlight in the morning and movement right away. So if there were three little nuggets, what could you leave people with?

So before I give you the three little nuggets, I'm going to say it's been just like such a dream working with both of you guys. And what you are experiencing is that when you are in integrity and integrity, the real definition of integrity is simply keeping your promises and agreements. When you keep your promises and agreements to yourself, right? When that is the most powerful way to change the world around you, to become a representation, an example of what it looks like, what it feels like, what it vibes like to like live this like big, hairy, audacious, like amazing life. And so that it's because of. It's because I live this way, right? I am in integrity that I'm able to impact you. And when you are in integrity, you are able to impact the world. And that to me, I mean, again, full Body chills is like some of the most powerful stuff. Like we are so, so powerful. And then like we were put on this earth all to impact it in a very particular way. And you can't do that when you feel like crap in your own body. So three things that I would focus on right after, like, you have to be a healthy person in order to act like a healthy person. We're not going to get through all the identity stuff, right? But if you. There's a couple of like small things that you can really kind of throw into into your day. One is wake up, get outside within 30 to 45 minutes of sunrise. This is no headset, no phones, no rolling calls, no listening to podcasts. Like, it's you out, you're getting sunrise or sunset sun in your eye, which is healing. It is powerful, it sets your circadian rhythm. It what gets all of your hormones on the right cycle. It's probably one of the most powerful things that you can do. So that would be do like a 20, 30 minute walk within 30 to 45 minutes of sunrise and then you come home and have essentially 2 grams of protein per ideal body weight. So, you know, if you are looking for that, that's how much protein you need to get in your entire day. So for, you know women, you want to get at least maybe 30, if you're like on the smaller side, 20 to 30, 40 grams of protein within 30 minutes, 30, 45 minutes of waking up and that's the first thing that you're going to put in your body. It's not going to be coffee, it's not going to be coffee, it's not going to be snacks. I can get any of that stuff. You can go on a walk, you can chug water, that's fine. But then you're going to come home and you're going to either eat a high protein and fat, low carbohydrate breakfast, whether that's a smoothie, a chia pudding or something like that. So that's two. And I would say the third thing.

Is.

Eight, seven, four. Breathing. So you guys want to do it together? I'm going to show an example. It'll be an inhale for eight. It'll be a hold for seven. Sorry, inhale for four. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. So give me a inhale, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, hold, exhale. Doing eight rounds of that first thing in the morning and first thing in the evening as you go to bed is going to be like super powerful. Super, super powerful. It's called box breathing. So essentially when you inhale for half as long as you exhale, you are moving from fight or flight into rest and digest. And that's a great way to start the morning and it's also a great way to end the evening.

Love it. Well, thank you again, Maya. I appreciate you taking the time to being here with us today and listeners. I hope that you reach out to her if this is something that interests you and definitely has changed our lives. So we highly recommend it, put a gold star on it. So have a fantastic day everybody and we'll chat soon.

Thanks guys. Bye.

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