Simone Biles' Olympic withdrawal sparked a look at saying no under pressure. Using William Ury's idea of a "higher yes" – a deeper commitment behind the refusal – you can say no to protect what matters most, whether that's family time or your health. The trick is feeling that higher yes in your body, which shifts your nervous system and makes the no feel real.
Hey everyone, I wanted to share a message that I'm sensing is gonna be evergreen even though it has to do with today's newspaper headlines. And today's newspaper headlines had to do with Simone Biles pulling out of the Olympics and the team sport, the team competition. And so it really got me to thinking about what does it take to be able to say no, especially when there's a ton of pressure on you. And certainly in Simone's case, I can't even imagine the pressure, the millions of dollars in advertising, and, and, and, and, and. So thinking about what does it take to be able to say no, and it reminded me of a tool that I've been using for a number of years. It's William Ury's book, The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes. And Ury has been a Harvard negotiation specialist and written a number of books on negotiation. What I really appreciate about his process is that he asks people to really think about what's the higher yes that you are saying yes to when you are actually saying no. And sometimes that can relieve that sort of tension and stress of I'm going to disappoint someone, or they're not going to approve of me, or I might get left out, or whatever it might be. And so just as a couple of examples, Let's say that you would like to say no to someone who's asked for your time and you don't really have the bandwidth. You'd like to be able to help them, but it's just not really in your calendar or your space. So thinking about a higher yes in that situation could be something like you really have a higher yes to being committed and present for your team or your family or your partner, whomever it might be. So that's an example of a higher yes. Like, on a personal level, it could be if you have a positive no to, I want to stop eating late-night unhealthy desserts, my higher yes might be something like, I'm really wanting to be committed to experimenting with what my body feels like when I'm not giving it sugar too late at night. So you can play with a higher yes in a number of situations. So for anything that you might be wanting to say no to, Notice, think about what is my higher yes, and not just think about it or write it out or see it visually, also experience it so that your brain and your body can support you in that process. Because when we experience it somatically, as you know, things shift. You get these different neurochemicals, and that gives us the confidence so that when we do say no, people can feel that, and they know that the no is a no. And in the process, you get to say yes to the things that are valuable and meaningful and purposeful for you.
Susan’s ICF Educator Award | The Heart Behind the Impact Katy Montgomery, PCC
