Have you had a bellyful? (feat. Laban Ditchburn)

Foreign Hi, I'm Susan Drumm, and welcome to the Enlightened Executive, where your personal evolution sparks your leadership evolution. Each episode we feature groundbreaking techniques and strategies to help you get the edge in personal and leadership effectiveness. This episode is brought to you by Meritage Leadership. At Meritage, we help strengthen leaders and empower teams to achieve high performance. Go to meritageleadership.com to learn more. Today we're focusing on personal transformation and I'm excited to introduce Laban Ditchburn, author of the book Bet on youn. Laban was a child badly affected by divorce and dysfunction and sought validation and escapism in all the wrong places. But through self discovery and not being afraid to ask for help, he conquered the full gamut of addictions. Alcohol, gambling, drugs, and negative self talk. Today, he defines the word transformation, reshaping his body by swapping 60 pounds of fat with 30 pounds of muscle. And now physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally in charge of his own destiny. Laban, known affectionately as the world's best courage coach, inspires those ready to make change in their lives. Welcome Laban.

Susan Drum. Thank you very much for having me. What a thrill and honor. Great to see you again.

Great to see you. You've had quite the trans transformation. Can you lead us on a little story about where you were and where you are now?

Well, really six and a half years ago is when I bounced along the floor of rock bottom and finally ground to a halt. And physically I wasn't hurt, but I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually beat up from the abuse of bouncing. And I found myself back in Australia on a laptop on a Tuesday night with three and a half bottles of appropriately priced Pinot Noir coursing its way through my veins. And I was gambling on a horse race in a country that I wasn't in. And I was spending money that I shouldn't have been spending. And I noticed in the bottom left hand corner of the screen on my laptop a phone number. And this was for the gambler's helpline. And I'd been on that screen thousands of times and I'd never seen this number. And I instinctively just grabbed my cell phone and I called this number and this woman picked up the phone. And I'll never know her last name, Susan, but her first name was Mary. And I'm going to say that her last name was Magdalene because she was my guardian angel, whether she knew it or not. And she. She listened to me without judgment for the first time in my life. That conversation triggered a year and a half of Gambling counseling through the Salvation army, funded by the taxes from gambling losses. So for the first time in my life, actually got some money back on my compulsive gambling. And it was after the first session with Lee, the counsellor, that really opened my eyes and helped me connect the dots between coping mechanisms and escapism. Behavior developed as a result of being for me a child of divorce and all the associated escapism dysfunction that flowed forth from that whole experience. And so on the 26th of August 2022, I'm very proud to stand before you to share that I'm celebrating six years of sobriety from alcohol, longer from drugs, longer for gambling, longer from philandering. And the limiting beliefs and the negative self talk have gone the way of the dodo, which is extinct, in case you're wondering.

That is amazing. I'm glad to see that all those behaviors are extinct for you too. I mean, that's quite a pivot. And so that first call that you mentioned started your journey. What was most impactful for you to maintain that level of sobriety awareness and commitment?

Yeah, look, it's probably one of the most common and challenging questions that most people will try and answer. But for me personally it was the pain that I was in emotionally, physically, spiritually was way worse if I continued on that path. And I think any high performing executive will know that like in order to affect change, like it has to be come from a place of pain, like alleviating pain and to really, to really stick to it. The beautiful thing, Susan, is that I didn't need to go through a 12 step. I didn't need to go through anything else other than just really understanding. I'm a very inquisitive individual. And I started reading and became insatiable and started to reverse engineer everything that I experienced. And it really was nothing more innocuous than growing up as a child of divorce with parents that were ill equipped to esteem themselves fully because they grew up in less than nurturing or dysfunctional environments and couldn't esteem their kids effectively. They did the best they could with the tools that are available. So it was easy for me. It's almost been too easy. Like the biggest challenge that I've ever had to address since that time is like overeating at times. And it's like people struggle and they go to AA meetings and Narcotics Anonymous and gambles and all that and they go there for years and years and years and I haven't had to do that. So I'm very blessed.

And so that difference of not having to do that, not being tempted to go back. There's got to be some frame of reference that is your guidepost or how you make sure you don't go there. What is that for you?

I knew from a very young age, maybe early teens, maybe younger, that I was destined for great things. I didn't know what it was, but I hit 35 and I'm 42 now. Just turn. And I wasn't. I was not achieving any of that. I was nowhere near it. In fact, I was spiraling downward. I was doing more and more reckless things and exhibiting reckless behaviors. The old. Like, I was doing more stupid things the older I got. That's not how it's supposed to happen. And so, yeah, like, that's it really. Like, I just. It had to be done. And I think by figuring it all out, when I understand how things work, then I can fix them. Right. Like an engineer. And that's what I've been able to figure out with a lot of this stuff. Knock on wood.

Yeah. A couple of the different things that you've highlighted here. One is, I do believe, and this is what I have in my book, the Leaders Playlist. Step one is you have to have a belly full. You do have to hit to a point where the current course of action no longer works for you. And you are so clear about that, and you're really ready for change. It can take a lot of people a long time to get there. You got there, you experience enough pain to know to make the shift. But what I also think is interesting is both the source of the pain and going down the wrong path happened in childhood, as well as the solution, meaning the source of the pain through divorce and what that meant to you. And these are things that we're suffering from our childhood wounds and how they show up in our adult life that never get healed. But also, you said you had as a child this vision of what you wanted to be for yourself. And when you reconnected to that vision of who you wanted to be and realized the vast gulf between where you were and. And what you had said for yourself, the vision that came from that also came from childhood. So it's really fascinating. I'm wondering, was the counseling that you went through help you reconnect to that vision? How did you reset your course based on that or even remember it?

So I found what my purpose was years later. Really? Really. Two and a bit years ago, I was nailed down to what I wanted to do. Right. And to be known as the world's Most positively influential speaker. Let's say March 2020. Right. So two years, two and a half years ago, the counseling was magnificent because it was non judgmental listening. And if you've never had an opportunity where you are able to just share without judgment, I highly recommend that you find someone to do that because it's magnificent. It really is magnificent because when you share, it relieves the burden of tyranny. And if you don't get scolded and judged, then you're more inclined to keep sharing. And it was getting all that energy off my chest that was really part of the healing process.

Yeah. Incredible what people, coaches and counselors can do when they just approach it with deep listening and nonjudgmental and curiosity. What was your experience like? Tell me more about that versus it, living and festering inside you. So it sounds like that is the thing that started and made all the difference for you. And so now as you're looking ahead, what do you want your life to mean? You started saying being an influential speaker, what's the difference that you're hoping to make with your work and the book Bet on youn?

Well, I appreciate you bringing that up. And I wrote the book because it's something that I wish I'd had access to 10 years before I hit rock bottom. And maybe it wouldn't have been as relevant, but maybe it will be to someone else because I think about, I don't really regret anything, but I could have done a lot more with 10 extra years. Right. Of going towards my purpose where doing what I do, what I love is effortless and rewards me with fulfillment. And fulfillment really is what I'm aiming and striving towards. And I don't care about legacy when I'm dead, Susan. I want to witness it when I'm alive. And I think that's a big difference compared to something, you know, I want to, you know, great grand generations away, they can have the wealth. Who cares about that? Like, I want to create impact now. That's what's incredibly rewarding. And I've come to learn that operating from a place of service, like a real Go Giver mindset, is a wonderful book called Go Giver by Bob Berg and John David Mann, which is a, a wonderful book that any executive should read, anyone should read. And that's really what's important. And I also understand that the all the other wonderful blessings and the abundance and the financial rewards and the fulfillment, all the other stuff comes as a byproduct of service. So I've kind of Found that sweet spot of heading in that direction. That's what really lights me up. And the book is a memoir, self help book, and it's really just. It's an incredibly entertaining book. Not just my thoughts as well. I wrote it in a way that's. That's vivid stories of my own experiences. And if you read the book, I want you to read the book as if it's. You put yourself in my position and you will find parallels to your own existence in there in some way, shape or form. And so it's entertaining so that it's not a chore to read. And then there's a couple of three little bullet points called Laban's Random Lessons at the end of every chapter. And I didn't never want it to be a book where I'm finger waggling, saying, this is what you should do. There's plenty of those books out there. All right. It's a very entertaining, very lighthearted read and can allow you to not feel so bad about the decisions you've made in your own life.

Talking about what you should do, I hear in the thread of everything you said, is get connected to a meaningful mission outside yourself. And that's often what I look for when I'm talking to executives and entrepreneurs is like, what really matters to you. That's not about your own identity, ego and self image. Like what's outside of you that you're looking to create in the world. And how can we get you more connected to that? Because that's where your power truly lies at the end of the day. And yes, all the other accolades will come with that, but not if you go after it directly. But if you go after what is the meaningful mission? Because that's really the job of leadership, right? What is that? And it sounds like that's what made the difference for you. I'd be really curious, what are some of those bullet points that you mentioned? Can you give us a flavor for the types of things that you mentioned people need to keep in mind?

I can, I can. I'll share a couple. The first one's a funny one. Don't fall asleep at the nude beach is one that I put in there. And I only ever share things that I've experienced and I can assure you, do not fall asleep.

Well, that's a good one.

Second degree burn on your bum is not. It's not good. But in all seriousness, the real catalyst, I think, for my own success, Susan, in the last 12 months is the total and utter removal of negative self talk. Now growing up, I'm from New Zealand and I spent half my life in Australia, so it's probably why I sound Australian. Mum's a Kiwi, dad's an Australian. They have something called tall poppy syndrome that exists. A lot of people in the States don't know what it is, so I'll explain real quick. Uk, New Zealand, Australia have tall poppy syndrome where anyone that's succeeding the rest of their friends cut them down so that they're all at the same height and they never really allow them to step into their greatness. And a lot of that is used with self deprecating humor. And so you will never hear me use negative self talk. If you catch me, I'll pay or Venmo you $100. And by doing that it's made me hyper conscious of the language people around me use. And that is like everyone understands the power of language and the words that we use. Like why wouldn't that be the first thing that you get out of your vernacular? And so that for me is an obvious first choice. Do that and watch the world around you transform forever for better.

And I'm assuming you're saying both internal self talk and externally what you say.

Oh yeah. And it's not about being delusional. There's just way better ways of reframing language. You know, problems can now become challenges. You know, I can't do that to. I'm learning how to do that, like reaffirm that very powerful subconscious. Like we operate 99% of our days on our subconscious. Right. I think you even dropped that in your book as well. And if you start thinking about life in that manner, like man, it's really transformed and you start attracting higher vibrational human beings, so you start attracting less idiots. Who doesn't want that? Especially in the corporate world. Right?

We can do it less than that. What were some of the negative self talk you used to have and how have you turned it around?

So if you, if you Google YouTube and you look, search Laban raw comedy. I've left them up there deliberately. I did two five minute sets for stand up in 201516 and you can see examples of self deprecating humor. All right, there's many, many examples. But like you've seen them with comedians, they talk about how fat they are and how ugly they are and how single they are and all these things, right? That is self, that's self deprecating and it's sort of disguised as this, you know, funny light hearted thing. But it's actually, it's really sad to watch once you, once you get rid of it and you don't want to be around anymore. You want to be around people that say you can take over the world and let me help you do it.

Yeah. Really powerful. So now what would be, as opposed to the self deprecating humor? Externally, I imagine, internally they were very different. What kind of judgments did you used to have about you and what is it now?

I certainly used to say that I was unable to find my ideal partner, that I was unattractive, that I was useless. Insert the cliche here. And I've proved now that it's the opposite because I got hot. I fixed the emotional part, and then I transformed physically. Like you mentioned the numbers. 60 pounds of body fat, 30 pound of muscle, and I started running 60 mile ultra marathons completely out of the blue. And then at the peak of my physical fitness, met the hottest chick you've ever met in your life, who's now my wife. We got married together four years. Like, it's for people out there that are listening. They might have everything. They might have all the financial, you know, they might have the career, they might have this other stuff, but there's something underlying that's missing. All right? It's probably fulfillment. And you've got to go towards whatever that is your purpose. You know, Evan Carmichael, the famous guy on YouTube, talks about everyone having Michael Jordan levels of genius. It's something. All right. You might be a powerhouse at making money for a corporation, but is that really your, your destiny? Is that your reason for being on the planet? Whether you believe in God, Allah, Buddha, Jesus or Scientology, Whatever you think. And I'm, I'm. I found my purpose. I have found it and I'm so grateful. But it took a lot of work.

Yeah. And so what is next for you? You found your purpose. Where are you on your journey to being more enlightened? And what do you think is sort of the next challenge for you to overcome?

So with the world in its current state. Right. I find myself becoming insatiable for knowledge. And my mantra in life is very simple. I just want to know the truth so that I can make an informed decision. I've been lied to a lot in my life. I've done a lot of lying as well. Trying not to do it much now. But I was lied to about my health and about all sorts of things, nutrition and women and all kinds of stuff. So I'm on a path of seeking the truth. And I'm very open minded to the fact that what I believe in today may evolve and change. So I'm not dogmatic anymore. So as part of my evolution, I just want to continue to absorb and learn and grow and share that message. You know, there's that movie, Catch Me if youf Can, Frank Abagnale, you know, with Leonardo DiCaprio, based on the real life character. Right, Frank Abagnale. And he taught a whole semester of school when he was 17. And they interviewed him years later and said, frank, how did you do that? He said, I just had the lesson book and I read one lesson ahead, and that is the lesson, we don't need to have completed life to be able to teach it to people. So in the coaching and the speaking and the podcast and the books and the masterminds and all the other stuff that I'm involved with, that's what I love to do now. So bring it on, world, is all I'm going to say.

And what I love about you, Laban, is you really are courageous and take big swings out there in the world. Bold action. That's what I know about you. Can you share a couple examples of the bold action you've taken? I mean, certainly one you've highlighted, which is all of a sudden you decide to run ultra marathons. That's a pretty big, bold action. Where else have you sort of come out swinging on things that other people might be a little less ballsy?

So my former life, I worked in recruitment, and I did technology recruitment for 13 years. And at 12 years working for someone and then a year as an entrepreneur, which was a total unmitigated financial disaster. And I used that for effect only. That's not negative self talk. But that whole experience taught me about cold calling sea level. And when I finally made the decision to go out and become a speaker before I had a book, podcast, coaching, really any Nothing. I had nothing. I got hold of Brene Brown, and most of you would have heard of Brene Brown. If you haven't, you can check her out. And I rang her up and she picked up the phone and this was on News Day, her time in 2020. And she said, hi, Brene speaking. And I said, brene Brown? She said, yes, yes, it is. How can I help? I said, brene Brown, it's Labor Ditchburn from Melbourne, Australia. She said, well, hi, labor, can I help you? I said, brene, I've been instructed by all my mentors that I should reach out and connect with people that are much further along than I. And I wondered if you were interested in sharing some ideas Right. She said to me, well, Evan, I'm about to sit down and have New Year's Day dinner with my family, but if you'd be so kind to send me an email with what you had in mind, I'll come back to you. And so I wrote this bio of who I was. I had no clue about anything at this point. Right. Recorded a one minute YouTube video which if I played it back to your audience, there would just be cringeworthy. And she replied back. She replied back. Four days later she said, laban, thank you for your email. And with what I have going on with family and university at the moment, I can't give this the attention that it deserves. You will do fantastic. Now, the reason I wanted to share that story with you, that response from Brene Brown triggered thousands of phone calls to the most extraordinary people on the planet. Spoken to royalty. I've had all of my heroes come on as guests of the podcast. They've written forwards to my book like it's transformed my life forever. And that wouldn't have happened if I didn't have the balls to make and take bold, massive and strategically courageous action to facilitate my own miraculous outcome.

Yeah, fantastic. And so how did you come up with the world's best courage coach?

That story takes about 15 minutes to tell, but let me do the condensed version. It was from an experience with a guy called Steve Hardison. Look them up for all you executives out there. This guy coaches some of the most successful CEOs. He looks after Clayton from Keep and FusionSoft and a number of other high profile people. He's a devout Mormon guy who up until about a year ago was a complete enigma. It was an experience on a phone call with him that I had and a follow up phone call with one of his students that we came up with. The world's best courage coach. Because of the. The outrageous phone calls that I was making to people because we were in lockdown in Australia for two years, right. So we couldn't do much more than make phone calls. And so the world's best courage coach came about, which is zero to do with ego. It is a commitment that I make to myself. And I wake up every single morning and I ask myself, how would the world's best courage coach conduct himself? And it is really great to make a declaration like that because it propels me forward and people call me out. I go, well, how are the world's best courage coach? And they end up jumping in the freezing river in Sedona. It's like so it's had a wonderful impact on my life and the people around me. So if anyone wants to know more, they can reach out and I'll tell them the full story. It's a great. It's a great yarn.

It's really a declaration for you and how you want to show up every day. And if you're not taking massive, bold action, then how can you expect the people that you're trying to inspire to as well? So I think that's what I found inspiring about you. Where can people learn more about you?

Do you know what, Susan? I'd love for people to read the book. It's available on Amazon and I recorded it in my dulcet tones on audible. It's available Amazon everywhere in the world and you can connect through me there. A Laban Ditch Burner is about the most unusual name on the planet. I'm easily found. Read the book and if it resonates with you and you want to do more together, then connect with me. That's a little teaser.

That's great. Well, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing wisdom from all sorts of paths here, which I think is really powerful to say. Look, you've got to be conscious about what you say, what you think and what you put in your body. All of that matters.

Amen. And for people that are listening, this is the first time you've listened to the show. If you haven't subscribed and gone and give a review, Go and do it now. That's right. These help get the word out to other people that need to hear Susan's amazing message and go out there and do it now.

Well, the amazing people that I bring on, really, I'm trying to give them a spotlight as well. And our mission is really about promoting conscious leadership and having people helping them along the path for enlightened executive and entrepreneurs. If you like this episode, you're not going to want to miss my interview with Omar Zenholm, who teaches us to embrace and value the failures we experience in our lives. Let's lead the way. Hope you enjoyed today's episode and I'd like to point you to the next important step. Hit the subscribe button to get notified when we release new content. I'll see you on the next episode of the Enlightened Executive. Sam.