The Midlife Remix: Petra Kolber on Resilience, Reinvention & Leading with Joy

Foreign. They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But what if life gives you cancer twice? Today's guest just didn't survive. She remixed her entire life from best selling author to DJ to VP of mindset. She's redefining what midlife looks like and what's possible when you stop waiting and start living. Hi, I'm Susan Drum and this is the enlightened executive where your personal evolution sparks your leadership evolution. Each week we spotlight cutting edge strategies to help leaders and entrepreneurs grow in leadership and life. Today we're talking about how to turn life's hardest moments into powerful new beginnings. My guest is Petra Kolber, author of the Perfection Detox, a keynote speaker, a positive psychology coach who spent over 30 years helping people move past self doubt, doubt and into joy. A two time cancer survivor, Petra has reinvented herself again and again from fitness icon to DJ to mindset leader. And now helps ambitious achievers in their midlife rewrite their next chapter with confidence and purpose. Petra, welcome to the show.

Thank you. Susan. It is so good to be here with you.

Wow, what a journey you have had. Can you just rewind? Take us back, Tell us a little bit about how you've been able to reinvent yourself so many times.

Well, how long do we have? So I'll see how far I go back. I think, you know, for me, Susan, the interesting thing is like sometimes reinvention comes out of choice and sometimes it gets thrown at you out of necessity. So much of my early, early years I was in the fitness world and known as an expert, a thought leader, traveled all around the world, was so blessed, had an incredible career, an unusual career to be able to make really good income doing something that you loved. And it was in the heyday of fitness. So that was like my foundation. And the reason I bring that up is because during that time I was so successful and I suffered so badly from anxiety and panic attacks, never feeling like I measured up. So that was an ongoing journey that kind of came with me for my next pivot. So as with anything with any company, I worked with Reebok for many years. You know, the new faces come in. I had a great career with them for like 10 years. But one of the best pieces of advice, Susan, I got was don't ever give up your own name for the sake of a brand. So I knew early enough when I was doing all these conferences as well. When Reebok brought me in, I did a Reebok session, sponsored session. I would also ask, also ask the Conference, Could I do one under my own name? And they're like, yeah, but we're not going to pay you because Reebok's paying you. I said, fine, not a worry. So I. I knew early enough to, to keep my own name. So when Reebok disappeared, I had enough. People knew of Petra, not Reebok, who's featuring Petra. So I was able to parlay that 10 year foundation into my own fitness career for like another decade. Wow. Long story short, that was super successful. And so part of that pivot was when I was growing up in the. In the fitness world is all about dance choreography and just having fun. And then. Which I loved, which I truly loved. It was in alignment with what I love to teach. Then it started moving into the hit and the high intensity stuff, and I just didn't like it. So what I did, I learn early. I try to teach and lead in a way that I thought what the audience wanted. Okay, did not end well because there was people that could do that so much better than me and enjoyed it. And so I was showing up, kind of forcing myself to be a leader, a teacher, an authority on something I didn't even really believe in. So that was a little bit of a lesson. Anyway, fast forward. I then met what I thought was going to be my forever relationship. This was a life pivot that was kind of thrown at me, and I moved. I literally gave up my career because this person had a beautiful child. And so I want, of course, wanted to be a perfect stepmom. And all my work was on the weekend. So she gave up my career. Well, that suddenly ended five years later. The forever wasn't quite as forever in his. In his memory. So I ended up back in New York, single, without a career. When I had left my career, I was making a very good income. When I moved back to New York, in my bank account that year, Susan, I had made $10,000. I had gone from making quarter of a million when I left the industry to 10,000. So I'm like, okay, I need to reinvent. And so I had a choice. Do I go back to an industry that knows me and loves me, but I'm now 50, or do I do something new? And I thought, okay, I have enough Runway, I have enough finances. So I went back to school for positive psychology. Game changing changed my life because all of a sudden I realized I'd been studying the neck down for 30 years. But really what that. What matters is what goes on between the ears.

Right? Right.

You can have the best body the best workout. But if you're not enjoying yourself or loving yourself or if you're beating yourself up, what's the point? So from that pivot, I decided to give up sweating for a living and move into speaking for a living. I got really lucky that I also through. Through the breakup, I did get a great book agent. So I started just reinventing myself. I'm like, okay, I want to write, I want to speak. It's being creative in a different way. So that moved me into the world of really solo entrepreneurship without a foundation of 30 years of fit. Again, another leap forward. Covid happened. Everything shut down in New York. And I thought, you know, I just, I've had this hankering to go to Europe. So I gave, sold everything, moved to Europe for 10 months. And this is where things get interesting. Like, if you're listening right now and you're like, I've got all these different parts of my life, and I feel like I want to reinvent myself, but none of it makes sense. I guarantee you all the strengths that you have from your past will somehow come together where you are the only person that is fight for this position. And it so happened. Susan, a friend of mine said, hey, I'm with this big fitness company. We're rebranding the entire company. We're moving out of trying to sell a six pack into something that they were calling Health esteem at the time. And because you wrote the book, the Perfection Detox, because you had 30 years of experience in fitness, because you've moved into speaking, because you've done your own programs, it started like, I just want you to come onto the call and have our CEO basically pick your brain for 30 minutes. I'm, okay, you need to pay me for this. But let's see how much information he picks out of my brain and then we can decide a number. So I got on the call, no makeup, just like, hey, what do you need to know? And at the end of that call, Susan, they had created a VP title for me, offering me a huge salary of benefits. And I ended up running into corporate for the first time at 59.

Wow. Oh, my God.

And if you had said, petra, you're going to go into corporate at 59, I'd have said, you're out of your mind. I have no experience in that world, but I had the right experience for that particular opportunity.

Yeah. What a beautiful story.

Yeah.

Like pulling all these pieces together, you know, and we share some things in common. Where more of mine happened early in my career where I was bouncing around and, you know, I went to law school, but that wasn't quite the fit. And then I went to consulting, and I liked consulting for the Variety, but I didn't like the type of consulting I was doing, which was just pure strategy work. Then I go to business development and marketing at NBC Television Television, thinking, oh, well, if I'm in an entertainment company, that'll be interesting and glamorous. But then I found, like, that wasn't the right fit. Then I went and got a master's in acting.

Like, of course you did.

Five years after law school. And people are like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I don't know. But I don't like. Like, I am just burnt out after five whole years of working. And I don't, like. I don't find the passion in what I'm doing. So I just need to, like, reignite. Well, after that, I kept thinking, there's got to be a way. What I'm learning in acting, I could bring back to business. Right. Things about your. How to be authentic, how to show up, like, really powerfully dealing with that inner critic inside your head, like, all things that actors need to work with. And this was right now, 25 years ago. And when I realized then I got into consulting, but in leadership development. So that started my whole career that I've been doing, you know, for almost 25 years now at this stage. But I. All those things that I did match perfectly with the type of work I do today.

Yeah.

And that is just an amazing story to just follow your intuition and your gut on that.

Yeah. And I think, Susan, so for so many people, right, if they're like, they wanting to reinvent themselves, they think they're starting from scratch. And what they do, they underestimate all the strengths and the skills that they've learned in all these other. The areas of their life, all these. These facets be. And because they think they starting something new, we get overwhelmed. The inner critic steps up. We're like, oh, I'm too old to start this, or who am I? When in reality, you're not starting from scratch. You're. You probably are like 20% away from everything that you need for this next idea. And the idea that also that you said, Susan, is like, I don't know. I think we misinterpret what I don't know means. I think when we say, I don't know what to do next, or I feel so overwhelmed, we take that as a signal that we should stop, that we're not in the Right place that this isn't for me. This is too big of a dream. Where in reality, I don't know, is such a great place if you can bring the acting skills to it. Right. The improv. I say yes, and. And then we'll figure it out. So for me especially, you know, I'm. You know, I'm in my 60s now, and I'm just getting started. But if you put a number on it, only you get to decide if you're too old or it's too late. And I think we often misinterpret the signals. Like feeling like an imposter. Feeling like in a fraud. Of course you're gonna feel like a fraud and imposter. Cause you've never done this thing before. You know, I'd be worried if you didn't feel like an imposter. That means they're like, okay, we got narcissists. Incoming. Incoming. You know, it's this idea that so many of us don't know, and this. I love this conversation that we're having. But we don't talk about the not knowing. We show up when we feel like we've got it all figured out, but nothing good happens. Imperfect nothing. No interesting story comes from the perfect moments.

No, no. For sure. And also this thing around. You're never too old to reinvent yourself. Like, I love, you know, in your career, you're continuing to do that. I. I always tell the story when people say, well, I'm. You know, it's too. It's too late for me. Or I'm. I said, my mother, who wanted to get a college degree, but ended up, you know, back in the day, getting a. Maybe a year's worth and then went and raised kids. Well, she went back to school, I think it was around 56, and graduated with her degree at 60. And, you know, and then started a career in journalism. So why. Why not? Right. So tell me a little bit about how the cancer factored into some of these twists and turns in your life and how you navigated that.

Oh, good. It's so interesting you ask about that, because it feels like almost like another lifetime. And that's a shame, because I just had a good friend of mine unfortunately diagnosed with a very aggressive type of cancer. And it's interesting because the first cancer I had, I say I'm a perfectionist. I'm an overachiever. I have to get two. The first one I had was a melanoma, which was on my foot, which was highly unusual. And it was at the height of my fitness career. Like anywhere else, you could have it maybe just cut out. And it was. They had to go into an inch, into my foot. So I was out of commission. I was lucky for the fact that I had a great Reebok contract. It made a good story for them. You know, they weren't going to let me go. So that was one thing that was like, you know, you have it, we know what to do with it. That was the first one. And kind of cut it out. Made me pause for a little bit because I was, you know, you don't. I was taking my fitness for granted. I was young, I was all over the place, and all of a sudden, I now can't work. The second cancer I had was Hodgkin's lymphoma. And the reason I share first one is because I was feeling super tired and I had this lump on my neck. So they did a biopsy, and I really wasn't thinking anything. I just. I just thought nothing. And the concern was the biopsy came back like, yes, you have cancer, but we're not quite sure what it is. They're like, we hope it's Hodgkin's lymphoma. Their fear was that the melanoma had traveled.

Oh, wow.

We had two different situations there. Right. And so for two weeks, I did not know which scenario. And the reason I shared this is because I remember vividly. I need to bring this into a talk sometime because I just reminded me. I remember vividly when we. I got the news. We don't know what it is. Not once was I worrying about my size or what. My accolades or what I had. This thing came into my voice, my head. It said, I just want to live long enough to know I could love in the way I know I have the capacity to love. Don't know where that came from. But anyway, it was Hodgkin's lymphoma. Barely got any sympathy from my doctors. Like, we got the treatment. You're going to be fine. I was like, wait a minute. I want a little bit of sympathy. But I think what happened during that time, I lost all my hair. I was at the height of my fitness career. Reebok was very gracious. They. I did photo shoots with a wig. It was, you know, it's part of the story. Yeah, I did some of my best living during that time. I was fearless because I had just faced the worst case scenario. I might not have been here. So I had a bald head. I was a badass. I mean, and I had suffered with chronic anxiety and panic attacks. I remember join. That time gone. They came back. But during that time gone, because what. What was I. What did I have to be anxious about? And I wish listening and speaking to everyone now. I wish that I could keep. That I could have kept that fearlessness. Is that a word? The further I got away from my cancer diagnosis, so, you know, you really. You really embrace life and you hold on to it and you just go for everything. But then like five years out, 10 years out, 50, then you kind of forget about it.

So one would think that you're going through cancer. That's when the height of the anxiety and the fear would be as much. Why was it the opposite for you? And why did it come back such.

Oh, that's you the first person to ever ask that. I think during my treatments, I never questioned I wasn't gonna be okay. Never, ever questioned once I knew what it was and we knew I had a high prognosis. We can't say, you're gonna be fine. Because I'm like, I'm gonna be fine. I'm not a statistic. I didn't go on any of the message boards. I went to several of the, you know, the cancer support groups. I'm like, oh, this is not for me. They're all they've become. And I. This is not to judge anyone, but I was not defined by my cancer. I was actually emboldened by sucked. You know, I had nausea, but I was still presenting. I was still teaching, I think because I knew I was going to be okay. I had a strong support group. And I think I didn't. I felt like I didn't have to prove anything. It was like there was like a year there. I don't have to prove my worth. I've got cancer. I'm showing up. This is. That's good enough. Good enough. Yeah. Showing up for the conferences. And I think people there was an. This sounds good. This is going to sound weird. I hope it doesn't. It's not taken the wrong way. There was this strange admiration for how I was showing up. So I almost felt like I could be a role model in a really positive way. Not from an egoic place, but from a really authentic way that had nothing to do with what I looked like or how perfect I was on stage or how I had to say the right things. All of a sudden I'm like, I just need to show up and be proof that you can do. You can have a hard time and still show up and Then as I kind of went back to normal.

Yeah.

All the doubts started to creep back in, like, oh, you know, am I looking good enough? Am I saying the right things? Am I. This is pre. This is before I went back to positive psychology, and I never had an understanding of the power of my thoughts or the old stories. And I had been in therapy for seven years trying to. This is post cancer, maybe like 10 years post cancer. And I literally. Seven years trying to unravel this. Why am I turning down work? Because I don't think I'm perfect enough. I'm just getting ready for a talk right now, and the whole opening is me turning down cbs, the View, the Today show, because I thought I. This is ridiculous. I turned it down because I didn't think I was perfect enough. And in therapy, not once was I asked about my strengths. It was like, so, what's broken? Let's fix it? And then when I went back to school for positive psychology, I recognized the power of our thoughts and also the power that we have to reframe the stories we tell ourselves. That was game changing for me. Yeah.

So I think.

Yeah, that was a. That's a really good question.

And here's what I heard in your story that's really powerful. The shift that occurred when you were emboldened during your cancer. You know what I heard in that you really were admiring yourself for what you were doing. And as you got further and further away from the cancer, my sense is you started looking externally for that admiration again. And so there's just something like what you're looking for externally, you got to give to you.

I just feel like I just had a therapy session with you. That's powerful. You know, I think you're absolutely right. And one of the questions I offered to people, it's so interesting you said that. Susan, I'm gonna have to pull you into my talk next week. I asked them to go back to their past and think of something that they feel proud of, a situation. And I often bring up my cancer story, but never, never really tied that in, that I was. I was really proud of myself, and I gave myself that self acceptance, not, as you said, not once. Looking for the external approval.

Yeah. You're like, I know I'm. I've got cancer and I'm still doing this. Like, I'm a rock star. Right. And there was not any question.

Yeah.

And then those doubts came in later on. And so interesting. Just fascinating journey you've been on. So tell us a little bit about what you sort of Teach now, right? What is, what is most important?

Well, I'm actually speaking to a group of leaders in Nevada about two months. For me it's really all about. It's like what you talk about, conscious leadership. We're not there to prove ourselves. We're there to bring the best out in others. How can we be leaders? Whether you're leading yourself, whether you're leading your children, your family, a team of five or a team of 500. And especially this is changing for me too, what I'm going to be teaching. Especially with everything that's happening in the AI world, we can't ignore that. It's just ramping up faster and faster and faster. People are afraid of losing their jobs and I have no control over that. But I think the thing that we will have to be a really conscious leader these days, bringing your complete presence into every situation, every time you're in front of someone, trying to inspire them to be the best version of themselves. It cannot be about us. It has to be about the people we want to uplift. Whether it's our team to deliver the best work for the company or if it's ourselves. So for me, what I always teach the principles that I learned from positive psychology. There's an acronym called perma. The P stands for positive emotion. E is engagement, R is for relationships, M is for meaning. And A is for accomplishment. And there's a silent H for health. Because if you don't have your health, you have.

Oh yes.

So and I really kind of build on those pillars like if you can create a team around you, create not a team. Create an environment for the team around you to flourish and thrive in these five areas. You're going to be an incredibly conscious leader and one that's leading to help others be their best leader. You know, it cannot be from control, it cannot be for perfectionism. It cannot be that it's my way or the highways. How can we. And this is where the self leadership comes in. Because if I don't trust myself, if I'm always looking for external validation that I'm the perfect leader or the good leader, we're gonna always be working from a fear based leadership. We're gonna be waiting to be found out. So when we can come from a heart sense. It sounds really cliche, but it's so true. When you can lead from your heart versus your mind, I think that your mind is the decision maker, very, very important in a lot of situations. But if your heart can be the catalyst to without control, of course, you need Parameters and boundaries to get the job across the finish line. But I think if we try, for me right now, what I think I'm going to be leaning heavily into is this idea of complete presence and bringing the humanity into leadership. Because, man, that is being stripped away and also being a leader that they can trust 100% of the time because this world is so unsteady. So the more the, the whirlwind happens around us, the more of an anchor. I think leaders are going to be required to be anchors of presence, of connection, empathy. Yeah. And really creating a space for people to be human, to bring the humanity into work. Because I think people are questioning themselves. You can't compete with a machine. So I'm kind of struggling a little bit because every time I have a conversation about that, it's changed today from two weeks ago. I'm like, wow.

Well, I mean, and the way leaders used to lead, they could do forward planning of thinking through. Right. How do you do that when things change so rapidly?

Yeah.

And so looking at some of these key pieces of what leadership truly is, it's creating the capacity to produce the outcomes you want through others, not yourself through others. So if you don't have a sort of an other centric viewpoint about how can I catalyze the best out of this team? And if you need more, like I need it for myself to look good, well, you know, then you're stuck in individual contributor land and not really catalyzing the team to produce the most incredible results. I wanted to go back though, to your, to the acronym. Tell me, can you just say a little bit about each of these elements and what you think is important for leaders to know?

Yeah, absolutely. So this is work by Martin Seligman, who I consider the godfather of positive psychology.

Yes.

And for people that don't know what it is, it's really about how, what, what do we need to build upon to create a place where we can flourish and thrive versus surviving? And the difference being is that with positive psychology, you know, and with anything it can, the pendulum can swing too far. This is not about rose colored glasses, but it's about working from a foundation of what is working in your life. So if you're listening right now, acknowledging all that is good doesn't mean that there's not work to do and things you want to not strengthen. So the P is for positive emotion. How can you create an environment that allow people to. And it's not are you happy or sad or not, Are they fully engaged or completely disengaged what environment can you create for your team where they are 1% more joyful at the end of the year, 1% more engaged? They can small doses. What can you do? And a lot of that is also developing our critical eye and our critical ability not to ignore what needs to be strengthened. Absolutely. But seek more of what is working in your team and call it out. Don't be afraid to call out all the good in your team versus trying to poke holes. And there's going to be things to be fixed. But when you can work from people's strengths, highlight that they're going to be much more likely to take risks, to show up, to ask questions because they're bringing their best self to work, not just what they think is what you want. P is for positive emotion. How can you create more positive emotion? E is for engagement. Oh my goodness. Getting off your phone. Like how engaged is your team? And as we know, being a disengaged team costs billions of dollars. So. And not just showing up, but showing up with your heart, being fully present as a leader. Going into meetings without your phone, if you're talking to someone face to face, not having your phone in your hand, not even having it turned upside down on your desk, get it out of sight so people in front of you feel that you are engaged with them. There's not something important. Being engaged in your own life as a leader, doing the work, finding things that excite you, that you know, that love of curiosity, being fully engaged versus on our screen scrolling right?

Yeah. Yes.

And that kind of throws into our relationships the relationships you have with your team, the relationships you have with your family. And I often say the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Because if you can't, if you don't like yourself.

We just talked about that with you, truly.

But we don't. We as leaders, sometimes we feel like we have to fix everything else and the last person we look at is ourselves.

But that's the only point of control we truly have.

I know. So that's the art you've got. Pos Emotion, engagement, relationships. M is for meaning. You know, maybe you've heard like job crafting. You know, some of us, we do a job, we have a job, a career or a calling. You know, I think you and I are lucky. We have a career that's turned into a calling. Yes. I've never had. Oh, I have. I have had a job. Once I was running a. I was opening up a gym. One that was a job for Me, I thought it was going to be a career, a calling. It was a nightmare. It was a J O B. And it was like, I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to get out of there. But it's finding meaning. And not all of us are blessed to have a job that we love and we can find meaning. How can we craft? Because if you're in work, you know, eight hours a day, how do you craft more meaning into the work environment? How can you as a leader create. Align people's values, what's important to them, to the work that you are delegating to them? How can you make this, this? Maybe for some of them it is a job, but how can you make it more meaningful to them? And sometimes it takes. Haven't have sit down and ask people. Because that's the other thing with leadership, especially now, you. I think the biggest mistake we feel, we do or we make is thinking that we have to know everything. You can. And can you create an environment where people feel safe saying, hey, I'm doing this. I don't feel it's the best use of my skill set, this. And just have an open dialogue. You're not going to be able to.

Have like a conversation about motivation. Like, you know what, what motivates you, what drives you, how, what's making you want to jump out of bed in the morning for the work you're doing. What's making you want to press the snooze button.

Yeah.

Kind of think about, well, what do I need to do as a leader to adjust that. Yeah.

And just that one question you've now brought in, like, connection and empathy and engagement and relationships. You're just tying it all together that you care, you're a conscious leader. And then last one is a accomplishment that you brought up. Like, I think we don't, you know, we can't reward everybody for everything, but it's like really celebrating people in the moment and then celebrating the group as a whole and allowing people to sit and savor the wins. Yeah. Pride is a really positive emotion. And I think, especially as women, we have. I know. And then I'm female and I grew up in England where pride was frowned upon. You better not say that you have big dreams or you think you did well. I mean, people literally horrified. But having a sense of pride is often when you go through hard times, whether it's a cancer diagnosis or the loss of a job, or we grow through the hard times and we should feel pride. So it's also creating and savoring those moments in our past and hopefully in our future too, that make us feel alive and really like we showed up. Yeah.

And I almost wonder, you know, we do this at my. On my team is take some time in your next team meeting. Like, like, who'd like to give someone a shout out, Right. And just give them time. Other people to acknowledge. And it's amazing. Like, there's stuff going on I didn't know about and that's amazing that someone else. Like, I really want to, you know, tell Corey about what she's. She's. How amazing she's been in this way.

Right.

So I think that is so powerful. Well, tell us what's one thing. That's one thing I'm bringing. But what's one thing that you would suggest that leaders do tomorrow?

I think it's wherever we can. We're human. It's not. It's not always possible. But don't drag your past into what's in front of you right now. So for me, it comes back down to presence and it's having the presence of presence of mind. Whether you're. If you're on a. If your meetings are happening on Zoom, if they're happening in real life, can you take a minute and connect with your breath? I love this thing called birthday cake breathing. I'm teaching it in a week where like you just like breathe in through your nose and then blow out through your mouth like you're doing blowing out candles on a birthday cake. Can you do more resets in your day so you're not dragging what happened from that last meeting into this new meeting or you're not wor. You're not in this new meeting worrying about what's happening at the next meeting. Can you bring more presence? Because I think sometimes we feel like we have to be all things to everybody and so we don't. We're kind of. We bring a little bit of ourselves.

Yeah.

I think for leaders, as much as you can. Can you bring your full. And it's exhaust. It is not easy. You will be exhausted at the end of your day. But. And your team won't notice what you. They won't be going, oh, she's bringing me more presents. But they will feel it. They'll be like something's different. They won't be able to put that. But they will feel more respected. They will feel like they matter. That and having your full attention on that person in front of you is going to be game changing.

Yes, I know one of the best connectors in the world and that is his skill set. It is making you feel like you are the most when he's talking to you, the most important person in the world, such a powerful leader. And so I think we all can learn from that. Well, Petra, where can people learn more about you and your work?

Probably the best way because it's always changing on pivot and turning probably my website petracolber.com K O L B E R and I I'm really not on social media these days, but I pop on on Instagram every so often. So Petra Colber on Instagram if you are going to do anything social, awesome.

Thank you so much. And if you like this episode, you're not going to want to miss my interview with Dr. Alan Bernard, the renowned decision scientist and expert in theory of constraints, who teaches us to make better decisions quicker and smarter with fewer regrets. But if you've ever paused and thought, how did this go wrong? You're not alone. Even the most capable executives fall into invisible traps that stall progress and sabotage results. Let's all lead the way. Thank you, Petra. Hope you enjoyed today's episode. And I'd like to point you to the next important step. Hit the subscribe button to get notified when we release new content. I'll see you on the next episode of the Enlightened Executive.