Graduation Advice To Help You Get Arrested (We Mean Ahead)

Foreign.

Hi, everybody. It's me, Susie Welch, here with the podcast again. If you're joining us for the first time, I'm so glad you're here. If you've listened to other podcasts, geez, you're fantastic. I love you so much. This is a podcast. It's called Becoming you because becoming you is a class I teach at NYU Stern that helps you answer the question, what should I do with my life? And that's a super big, super important. Like, is there a bigger, more important question? I mean, we deal with all sorts of questions all day long, right? What should I feed my dog? What should I wear? Who should I hang out with? Everything but, like, what. What you should do with your life, what you were meant to do with your life. That's really, really big. And actually, actually team. That's sort of kind of where I want to start today, because it's graduation season, and even if you're not graduating, you can't not notice it's graduation season. And now there's a lot of news around graduations this year, but every year there's graduation news and noise and somebody says something amazing or in this year, there's been protests at all the schools in New York, and it's a it big deal. Graduation season because it's really hard. I myself am speaking at NYU's graduation, and this is the task that's given to you. You have four minutes. Sum up your best advice to people who are just about to go into the world. Okay, four minutes. Don't go over, okay? And also, you don't want to go over, frankly, they don't want you to go over because they're running a very tight ship with a graduation. But you don't want to go over because nobody ever in the history of humankind left a graduation and thought, gee, that was shorter than I thought. Okay? Nobody really says, yeah. Oh, my God. It's like finishing a book. No one ever finishes a book and says, gee, that was easier than I thought. And that's true about graduation, Everybody. It's always 10 to 15 minutes longer than you want. You're sitting there, you're wearing your uncomfortable robe. You've got family in the audience. And I actually just have to say this about graduation. Think back to your graduation. Who had a happy graduation? Okay. Did you guys have happy graduations? It's so fraught because you've got relatives there who hate each other. Okay? Something like 60% of people's parents are divorced. You got a first marriage second, and it's Toxically hard. I mean, I was talking to some students about this. I had a office hours today. I was talking to one of my students about it and I asked her how was it? And she said, everybody gets along. Everybody gets along. But it was. There's a little tentativeness in her voice. I mean, these are hard, complicated times. I was divorced from my kid's dad. And at every single one of their graduations, there was a blended family there. And as time went on, it got better and better until we were all one big happy family there. We actually manage that. It took a couple decades, but it worked eventually. A couple decades, but eventually we got there. And so graduation, you're uncomfortable, you're hot, you're tired, you got a lot of stuff to do. Your car is probably illegally parked. There's an event at night you don't really want to go to, and there's a gift. You need to accept that. Oh, God, it's a mess. And then there's a whole bunch of people up on stage saying stuff that you already know. Okay. They're telling you all sorts of stuff about how to live in this world, and you're just about to fall asleep. Well, I have my thoughts about graduation. I actually kind of don't even remember my graduations. I graduated both undergraduate and graduate from business school. I don't remember anything about. Except for both times being really mad at my parents about something. Story of my life. Okay. Yeah. Both from undergraduate and then from graduate school. Both times I was vaguely angry at my parents. Um, I can't remember why, but I remember being mad at them. Sorry, mom and Dad. 95, 97. Love you. Okay, but here's what I really wanna say about graduation. I wanna actually say, here's some thoughts about going out into this world by a professor who teaches you about what to do when you go out in this world. That's what becoming you is all about, what you should do with your life. And so I have three pieces of advice for anybody whether you're going out into this world right now, graduating or not. First piece of advice, I've written about it, I've talked about it. I can't say it enough times, though. And it's about networking, which you've been told to do your entire entire lifelong. Network, network, network. They probably stop start telling you to network when you're in ninth grade. Networking is mercenary and gross, and I'm going to tell you not to do it. Networking, it doesn't work. That's actually its biggest flaw. Nobody ever got a job through somebody who didn't really like them and just sort of met them and had their card handed to them. What I like a lot better and going to strongly advise you to do is just to make a lot of friends. It's just better for you. It actually, it is more effective. That's not why I'm telling you to do it. Just make friends. Well, not everybody has to be your bestie. I'm talking about going out in this world and not judging people. It's so easy to judge. I love to judge people. Why? Because I'm a human being. Okay, but judging, that's what we do. We just naturally give to judging. But judging is what we do when we don't do the hard work of thinking. And frankly, you just, you know, you're not perfect. And so stop expecting other people to be perfect. And you don't have to love every single thing about them. The metaphor that I like to use and use constantly to the point of gagging is that you just have to think about friends as the tiles of the mosaic in your life. And you have a beautiful mosaic in your life. No friend is perfect. You're not perfect, by the way. Oops. Just needed to remind you of that. I'm totally imperfect. And that's why I don't ask my friends to be perfect. And each friend is just this beautiful tile. The mosaic would not be complete without that friend. But that friend does not make the whole tile. We get in a lot of trouble when we think one friend can be our total mosaic. Okay, There's a different person for that. Usually that's your life part partner. And even they are not the homo sake, usually. So when you go out in this world, if you assume best intentions of people and you decide you're not going to hold everybody to these incredibly high standards which you probably could not meet yourself, then you've got a beautiful mosaic. And that's, that's good networking. That's making friends and it's not expecting anything in return. You know, maybe down the road those people will be. They'll have a job and you'll be interested in it, and you can give them a call, but they're not going to pick up the phone unless you're a friend of theirs. So that's my first piece of advice, and I'm. I'm sticking to it. The second is about mentors. I talk about mentors on the previous podcast here about how everyone is a mentor. Everyone knows something you don't know, but should. And if you just assume that everybody you meet knows something that you don't know. Then everyone becomes a mentor, right? That's why I talk about my secret mentor crushes on this show. That's my second piece of advice. All right, My third piece of advice for everybody going out there in the world in this threshold moment as you leave your great university that has protected you from the real world, even though you feel like it hasn't, but it has. And you're about to step out into the real world. Here's my incredibly deep, thoughtful, conceptual, philosophical piece of advice. And that is go out there and smile with your teeth. Okay, look, I'm serious. Smile showing your teeth. Don't hold back your smile. I know this sounds crazy. I want you to, right now you're sitting there, smile with your freaking teeth. Show your teeth. And this is a way you go out in the world and you show people that you're ready to engage, that you're not afraid of them, that you want to have a conversation. I was thinking about this the other day when I was delayed on that seven hour flight from la, which I've talked about because it was such a life changing experience to be delayed seven hours. But I thought, okay, I'm going to do some research on this. I'm going to walk around the airport, lax, and I'm going to smile at people without my teeth. And I'm going to smile people with my teeth, like a big smile and I'm going to see what happens. And I walked around and I'd give like a little tiny terse smile, like our usual, like little, you know, crummy smile. And people would just keep walking. And then I thought, I'm just going to smile with my teeth. And I tried it. And until they arrested me. No, no, just kidding. I think that until I.

I just kept on smiling, people and it was amazing. People's faces broke open. And then I tried it in the lounge. Cause finally I broke down and went back to the lounge. I was so bored. And I went back and I smiled at people with my teeth. I had like 10 conversations. And I just kept on thinking to myself, my God, I. I wish I had something to sell. I could have sold anything smiling with my teeth. And you need to go out into the world and sell yourself. And the thing you've got to tell people is you're ready to engage, you're ready to be a friend, you're ready to talk, you're ready to have an open heart. And that's the way you're going to have a Much more interesting and better life. Just my opinion, if you withhold yourself from the world, the world withhold itself from you. So get out there and do this crazy ass thing I'm suggesting, which is to smile with your teeth. Just try it. It really makes a difference. And, you know, maybe you don't feel it, but after a while when you see people smiling back at you, you will start feeling it. And I know this is particularly hard, probably for introverts. No one's asking you to do anything after you smile with your teeth. Look, I'm just gonna show you what I'm talking about. For those of you who are maybe watching this clip on YouTube. And so here you go. Here's this. Here's a. Here's a crummy smile. I think it's actually Tyra Banks. It's the smize. Okay.

Soft smile.

It's a soft smile, you know, but it's just with your eyes, little tiny, soft smile. It's fine. And then what if somebody looked at you and smiled like this? For those of you just listening, I'm showing my teeth, okay? And it's. It's like a really. It's a totally different invitation, isn't it? And, you know, the world is not welcoming most people who are graduating with open arms. You are the new ones. You are like, you got to prove yourself. Well, why don't you prove that you're ready to engage? And that was my. That's my third piece of advice to graduates. But guess what I say to everybody. There is just no upside in this world to being cool. Okay? Everybody wants to be cool. I was never cool. So I can say this. I'm deeply uncool. And so look, I wear clogs as well established. So I took myself out of the running to be cool.

You just made the argument that clogs are cool.

They are now cool. But really, for the decades I wore clogs, I took myself out of the cool. You cannot possibly be cool when you wear clogs as often as I do. And. And whatever. I just am not a cool girl. But I've done pretty well in life and I've made a ton of friends. That's my. And I have wonderful children. It's my greatest two credentials, really is. My great, wonderful friendships and relationships with my family and friends. And I didn't do it by being cool. I did it by being warm. And you cannot get the upside of being incredibly warm, which is beautiful. Deep relationships by being cool. Sorry to break it to you. Like, when my kids were in high school, and there were mean girls, and they were. My daughters also inherited the not cool gene. Although one of my daughters now is. Oh. Both of my daughters right now are extremely cool. Sorry about that.

Oh, my.

I know that was almost. That was almost a completely unforced error. Both my daughters are wildly cool, but when they were in high school, they weren't particularly desiring to be the cool girls. And they were kind of. There were the really, really cool girls, the in girls. And I used to say to my daughters, sadly, no one has broken the news to them that their best years are now behind them. Okay. They were just, you know, like the greatest years of their life were in high school, and they just closed the world down with their coolness. So this rant is going on and on, and I'm gonna bring it to a wrap. But I'm just saying, graduation season, talking to both people who truly are graduating but their parents. This, I guess the overarching theme is a sort of a theme that we have all the way through becoming you, which is that authenticity really matters and that you can't hold your breath forever. So it's better just to bring your whole self, your whole real self to this world. Invite the world in, both by making a lot of friends and by letting everyone be a mentor, but through third, and probably most immediately applicable, because making friends and finding mentors takes some time and intentionality. But, man, you could just go out there right now, starting this minute and start smiling with your teeth. Give it a try. I swear to you, just try it three times and see what happens. Okay. And then you can at me about it if you'd like, but that's it. You know, on my tombstone, it's going to say, she told us to smile with our teeth. That might be the only thing I've ever said that really matters in life. Okay, we're going to take a little tiny break just so I can catch my breath. Maybe someday we'll have enough listeners that we have an ad to stick in here, but until then, we'll be right back with our next segment.

Okay, so we're back. We still have all three dogs here. This is very exciting. And we have questions. So many people send me questions. I love it. I wake up in the morning and one of the first things I do is I look at the questions that come to me either on Instagram, LinkedIn. I get a ton of questions, even on Facebook and other places. So my team is here with some questions from my community. And go ahead, Hallie. Why don't you ask the first question, which I will endeavor to answer. Look, I just want you to know if you're not watching this again, as Hallie reads this question, I'm smiling at her with my teeth. Go ahead, Hallie.

I can feel it.

Okay. Hi, Susie.

I'm in mid level management, but drowning in childcare. It is very unstable. Even hiring for in home nannies. I have two under two. Do you have any advice for corporate working moms leaving the workforce to raise their babies and then re entering again down the road?

I feel for you. So she's got two kids under two, she's left the corporate workforce and she's drowning in childcare. Yes. I'm reminded of this every single time I take care of the single most perfect human being ever created by God in the history of humankind, my granddaughter Liriel. And it's really, really, really hard. It sounds like the babies are under two. And so she's asking an interesting question to ask me, which is, what do you do about leaving the workforce and then reentering it? And the reason why I say it's interesting to ask me is because I didn't do it. I stayed working the whole time. And I stayed working the whole time because I love work very, very much and it's a huge value of mine is work. I loved my children, but as I said to my children when they were really young, as soon as the children were old enough to understand, I'm going to get to an answer to this poor woman, by the way. Okay, but first about me. It is all about me. But I said to my kids when they were just old enough to understand, look, one day you're going to grow up and leave and I am still going to be here. And I lived in fear. Don't ask me why, but I lived in fear of the kids going and leaving at around 18 years old and me being in my late 40s and saying, okay, what about me now? And I thought getting back on that on ramp is really, really hard. And I don't know how I can do it. And I'm gonna give up my whole life for kids who are gonna go like I did and just say, bye, mom, and go and go do their own thing. And you don't really, your kids don't turn around and say thank you for giving up your whole life for me. They don't. And in fact, I think it's a gift to give your children your own happiness. And your kids really, really want you to be happy. And kids are Heartbroken when their parents are unhappy and they know when you are. So listen, my advice is this. If you are loving being home with your children and you really have decided, I don't want to work because my number one priority is being home with my children, Congratulations, that's beautiful. You have deliberately made that choice. If you are at home with your kids because you think it's going to guarantee that your kids are healthier, happier and more loving to you than if you were working. Unfortunately, there is no evidence that proves that there's any kind of discernible difference in outcomes of working mothers and non working mothers in terms of how much their kids succeed in school and love them back. Okay. Unfortunately, there's no linear connection there. Otherwise probably we'd all stay home. All right, but let's just go to the scenario that you're home because you really, really want to be. That's fine. It's beautiful that you know what your values are and you're home. And then what becomes your question? It seems to me if I'm listening to it right, well, there may be two questions. One is, how do you deal with the drowning and the childcare? And the answer is, you just muddle through. I love this meme. It drives everyone crazy because I repeat it all the time, which is, don't ask me how I did it. I just did it. It was hard. And that's exactly how I feel about raising my four kids. I had them very close together within five years. I have no memory of how I actually did it. Now, I was working and I had help, but at the end of the day, the mom is the mom. I have no idea how I did it. Don't ask me how I did it. I just did it. It was hard and you're going to get through it the exact same way. And just breathe and make sure you put the gas mask on first and all those other things. Right? The oxygen mask on first, not the gas mask. That would be a big problem. Put the oxygen mask on first. But your question is how to get back on. Well, the really, really, really good news is now the world is different. And it's not like you're at the office or you're not. And when you're not there, you're completely out of the conversation. I would say if you want an entrance ramp back on when those kids get older, don't ever get off in some way. Keep one project, stay on one local community board, stay on LinkedIn, continue to post, stay in touch with the friends you have who Are working, continue to stay current in the news and the industry and do everything you can to keep one small peeping voice into the conversation so that you are not when you start up again and you start looking for a job when they get older. It's not like you were in a witness protection program for the years you were raising your children, but that you were still somehow, you know, have a side, a small side hustle just so that you stay in the game and you've got something to talk about when you get in there for those job interviews again. So my answer to you is don't get totally off if you can possibly help it. I get it. Taking care of children is a 26 hour a day job. It's just brutal. It's hard. Even if you have help, it's draining. I was telling a story to somebody the other day. All four of my children had chickenpox at the same time. Under the age of six. All four at the same time. And actually with one of them, her case was so bad, I brought her in to see the doctor and he said, if she gets one more pox, we're gonna send her into the hospital. And then he said, no, no, you got this, Susie. And I was like, at that point, this is how bad it was. I was praying she'd go to the hospital. Cause I had three other kids at home who recovered with chickenp. Oh my God. You know what? Don't ask me how I did it. I just. You'll get through it. We all somehow manage to. You'll make mommy friends, you'll make parenting friends. And you will carry each other through. But if you can, my dear friend, and my heart goes out to you, what you're going through. I know it's hard. I know you're not sleeping. I. It's. You know, even when I care for the most perfect human being ever created by God in history, of all time, Lirio, my granddaughters. I've mentioned, even then, the hours are very long. I get it. I remember it. Just stay in the game if you can. Even a little bit. LinkedIn makes that easy for you. Try to stay in the conversation. And that's my advice to you. Good luck. Okay, I think we have a second question. What is it? What is it, my dear Sophia?

Yes. So the second question is. Hi, Susie. I was wondering if your work could possibly be beneficial to a high school student trying to figure out what to do with themselves when they graduate.

Thank you, high school student, for writing me. I am blown away when I hear from High school students, high school student, 15, 16 years old, thinking, okay, what should I do with my life? I love that you're thinking about it at that age. It's great. And the world is big and vast, and maybe you're looking at all the different opportunities and you're saying, how do I figure it out for myself? So I think the answer is absolutely yes. And I would tell you that the methodology, you can begin to think about it, because the methodology of becoming you is this. Figure out what your values are. Figure out what your aptitudes are, and figure out what parts of the economy that are growing call you emotionally or intellectually. And that your area of transcendence is at the center of that. Okay, so that's what you've got to figure out. Look, in high school, this is the only problem is you don't really know what your values are. You're still learning life. Some of your values are maybe born into you, and it's pretty hard to figure out value. So that would be the one hesitation I would have in terms of aptitudes. Your inborn aptitudes are pretty clear by this point. If you're in high school, you know, your spatial visualization, your numerical reasoning, and so. But your life should be going forward, should be the record of you trying to figure out what you're uniquely good at. What are you uniquely good at? That's a, that's a real pursuit for you to figure out. And then right now you can start thinking about what's calling you intellectually or emotionally. Is, Is it some aspect of science? Is it poetry? Is it race car driving? I, you know, whatever. And you'd be thinking about what would be at the intersection. So high school is fine to start thinking about what are my values? They will change as you have life experiences. But your aptitudes and what's interesting to you, start paying attention. Start paying attention. Instead of listening to what the world is telling you you should be good at and what you should be interested in and what you should care about, why don't you start really focusing on those authentic parts of yourself? And it's never too soon to start having those conversations with yourself. I'm so glad you asked. Thank you very much. And when my book comes out, which is a long time from now, it's a year from now, it's May 2025. Not too soon to start. Just getting incredibly excited about it, though. The book will hopefully guide you through that whole process. I'm not pitching my book right now because it's too Soon. But I will tell you, you'll keep hearing me talk about it, but it's not coming for a while. Why? Because I still have to write it. Okay. We'll be right back.

All right. Welcome back. We are at that moment where we do an exercise to help you figure out your area of transcendence, which is what I just spoke to that high school student who wrote me about. And here's an exercise that I think kind of helps you think about what your values might be. It's the six word memoir. Now, this is not something I invented by any order of magnitude. The genesis of this is that Ernest Hemingway was at a bar with a group of his friends, like in what, 19. Oh, something, early 1900s, while he was still living. And they were making fun of him, or I don't think he really made fun of Ernest Hemingway, but they were poking fun at him for how short and slender his books were. And he said, you don't have to write long to write well. And they said, oh, yeah? Prove it. I said, I could write a. I could write a novel in six words. And they said, no, you can't. I mean, who knows if this is true or apocryphal, this whole story? And they said, prove it. And he went home and he typed out the most famous six word novel, which was for sale. Baby shoes never worn. Ernest Hemingway for the win. That's pretty damn great, isn't it? So over the years, people have attempted to write novels in six words. But in the 90s, Smith's magazine, which is the magazine for writers, if you're a writer, you know of it, put out a competition where they said they invited the world to write a six word memoir to write the story of their life in six words. The way I do this with my students is I say, imagine that a book about the story of your life and has been written, okay, somebody wrote your autobiography up to this day, and you had to come up with the title of it in six words. Sorry, no cheating. Has to be six words so that the playing field is level. Okay, that's your six word memoir. That's your six word memoir. Sophia, you have there some examples of people who have submitted their six word memoir. Now, if you go online and you type in six word memoir, there are literally thousands and thousands of six word memoirs floating out there, around there. Some of them are so spectacular and poignant. And if you think this is impossible, just Google it because there's so many great ones. What have we got there, Sophia, that people wrote in it's?

Simpler than they tell you.

I love that one. It's simpler than they tell you. I'd love to read that one. That memoir. Okay, what else?

I can't be that person anymore.

Yes, this is one of my favorite ones. I can't be that person anymore.

Old, too soon. Smart, too late.

Old, too soon. Smart, too late. Go ahead.

Traveled far to come back home.

Traveled far to come back home.

Not quite what I was planning.

Yeah, this is the most. One of the most famous six word memoirs. Not quite what I was planning.

Never did find a better job.

Yeah, love that one. What else?

I should have stayed in Europe.

I should have. Yeah, I should have stayed in Europe. Ooh.

Found true love, married someone else.

Yeah, this is one of my favorite ones. Found true love, married someone else.

Always looking to the next horizon.

How about. Wait, wait, I have a question.

Yeah, I didn't include that one because I was fine.

That's yours. And it's so good. I'm so sorry. Wait, wait. I have a question. All right, so here, if you got a moment and. Or do it now or later, like, it's just incredible to think, okay, the story of my life to this date, to this moment has been written. What would be the title of it? Okay, what would be the title of my memoir? To date. And when you're done doing that, this is the exercise. Imagine the perfect life, the life you want, the story of life that you would write if there was nothing holding you back, imagine your life for the next 25 years, then write that six word memoir. Ouch. Like, write that six word memoir. Okay, you've gone 25 years out. You actually lived exactly the life you wanted by your own values, by what was interesting you, by what you were really good at. And then you write that memoir. And it's. You look at the first title and you look at the second title, and you got to take a look at the journey between the two. And the contrast can be unbelievable. Do we have some of those contrasts from the Tampa speech? Yeah, I talked about this in when I gave a speech to a fantastic group in Tampa recently. I had the audience do this exercise. It's a very fast exercise. You can do it pretty quickly, and it's stunning what it can tell you. What have we got, Sophia? Give me one that they wrote in the present.

I kept running, should have been dancing.

I kept running. I should have been dancing. And what did they do for 20 years hence?

Too sensitive. The world needed that.

Too sensitive. The world needed it. So here's somebody who's talking about, like, letting their freak flag fly and just being who they were. And they were. They feel constrained. I think by being told they were sensitive and only fi. And. And the life that they wanted was to find out that the world needed them just as they were. Just as they were. Let's do one last one present.

I've died a thousand times over.

Oh, that's sad.

20 years from now. I never grew up. Thank God.

Beautiful. Okay, so this person obviously is in a moment that's quite difficult. If their present six word memoirs. I've died a thousand times over. Ow. My heart goes out to you. But then they. They write, I never grew up, thank God. Which means I think they got to have a wonderful childhood at last. Okay. And I think that this exercise is all about being very honest with yourself about what would be the title of your memoir. Unvarnished, real title of your memoir today. And then if you got to write the real story of your life, what would the title of your memoir be if you got to write the real story of your life? And taking a look at the difference between the two, powerful stuff. Really amazing. You know, if you don't want to do it alone, do it with a friend or do it with a partner. I've done it with my family. My poor family. They want to, like, go do something fun like apple picking. And I say, let's do six word memoirs. But whatever they've. They're all around. And we'll be right, right back with our next segment.

All right, time for my secret mentor crush. Yeah. And you know, I'm so glad I have secret mentor crushes because there's no other secrets about my life that could possibly be interesting. You know, when they talk about the government spying on us and everyone gets all uptight and bent out of shape about it, and I'm like, the government can go ahead and spy on me all at once because my exciting life involves me being on the phone with my friends talking about my dog's ingrow toenail. And it's just I have such as. Because I have the most boring life ever lived. They can listen to everything they want and they would just fall asleep. In fact, if you want to, like, put Russian spies into a state of stupor, they should listen to, like, they should read my text and listen to my voicemails. They would just die of boredom. And then we'd be. The world would be a safe place. Little did everyone know. Okay, but I do have secret mentor crushes. And actually, I had this incredible experience. I'm a little reluctant to talk about it only because it's going to sound like pandering and sucking up. And it's just so not that. Because I want to talk about my boss, Dean Raghu at the Stern Business School. And I'm just going to call him Dean Ragu. He does have a very long last name, which he tells everybody to call him Dean Ragu. That's his first name. I can't pronounce his last name, but everyone calls him Raghu and he calls himself Raghu. He's like Madonna or Oprah. He just has one name. Anyway, he has recently been promoted away from being my boss, the Dean at NYU Stern School of Business, because he's now the Vice Chancellor of nyu, the whole big university. He's been elevated to sort of, you know, the very, very big hallowed role of vice chancellor. And he's now wrapping up his eight year test or seven year tenure as the Dean of NYU Stern, where he was for 30 years before that a finance professor of great renown. Wrote one of the great famous textbooks on finance. There's a book I'll never read, but apparently millions of people have. And it's spectacular. While he was dean, Raghu did these unbelievable things. Like he lifted Stern from, I believe, number 20 in the US News and World Report rankings to number seven this year. By the way, did I mention team here that NYU Stern School of Business is number seven best business school in the country. That's right. And it's really a moment of enormous pride for those of us who had nothing to do with it. But I feel incredibly proud to be associated with all the people, people who did. And he had a tenure that, you know, the school's finances got incredibly well. And he is leaving the school in such better shape. But also, here's this crazy thing about him. He's leaving the school. One of the most beloved leaders I've ever seen. I've never heard one person say one thing about him that's not been positive and glowing and filled with awe and reverence and respect. And I'll tell you, the crazy thing about it is like I've seen leaders leave organizations at very. In very, very good shape. But there's always this sort of undercurrent, like there was a cost for what they did and there is none of that with him. So over the past couple of weeks, I've watched Raghu in several final performances. Like we had our final faculty meeting, then we had the final big business school dinner with everybody, got dressed up and we Had a big dinner and all this other stuff and all these different occasions. There have been sustained standing ovations for Raghu. Where the heart and soul. People on their feet, sincerely applauding, no method acting going on. People really pouring their heart and soul to it. And I watched his reaction and his reaction is one, I'm not kidding you, of profound humility. He. He actually was like unable to absorb it. Like actually the last standing ovation he got, he actually was speechless up on the stage. And he took the award that was created for him and he like was holding it against his chest. And he was like. He couldn't actually get words out. Which of course makes everyone love him any. You know, even more. But he's like, here's what I take away from that. I mean, he is a mentor to me in humility, which is just a beautiful, beautiful trait. Sincere humility in the face of greatness. I mean, he was a great dean. He was a. He was a profoundly successful leader. To have his results and also be so beloved because you can get results without that. He is the big W is. I have. I teach a class besides becoming you. I teach a class called Managerial Skills. And I describe. Describe the big W. The big win is being beloved by your boss and by your people at the same time. It's super hard, okay? Very, very hard. If you're a middle manager, your team can really love you. But it often comes at the expense of the bigs loving you. And you can have the bigs love you, but it often comes at the expense of your team loving you. And Raghu somehow managed to be right in the middle. He answers to the board. He answers to the president of the university. Everyone loves him. And his humility is like a life force. And it is profound. And I'm watching him closely. I want to learn from him. I want to be like him. And therefore, he's my secret mentor crush. I just adore him as a human being. He gave me my first shot. I showed up in his office in 2022 and said, I hope I could teach at this school. And he said, let's give it a go. Create your class and let's try it. He's been nothing but Mr. Yes to me. He was there when I decided, hey, I have a crazy wacky idea. Let's have an initiative about perfect purpose. And he was like, yes. And so I have nothing but admiration and love for him. But what I'm really crushing on is humility. And I would ask you to look around at people. You really Admire and think about that with them. And are you showing enough humility? I never show enough humility. I mean, I. You can't, because it's such a beautiful trait. I want to. I want to be better at it. And I thank you. Raghu, even though you're my boss, you're not really my boss anymore. Somebody new is going to be my boss soon. I'm going to miss you. But I learned a lot from you. And I'm going to keep learning from you. All right, before I dissolve into little schoolgirl tears here, we'll go, right? We'll take a break, and then we'll get right back and we'll have my team, my marvelous team will try to stump me with, quote, questions. Oh, wait. And then there's one last thing, a quote. And then you'll be done with me. And just talk to you soon. All right. We'll be back.

All right. We've entered the part of our program that everybody is waiting for, I'm sure, which is when my team, my marvelous team tries to stump me with questions they think I can't answer. I think, otherwise, why would they ask me about vegan protein a few weeks ago? All right, let's do it. What is it with you?

Why are we think the questions are so funny?

Okay. Or they're. They're delighted with themselves. Okay, that's the delay here. All right, go ahead, question.

If you could pick a day to relive over and over again, Groundhog Day style, what day would it be and why?

Wow, you are. These are damn good.

Ah, I've had so many great days. I've had terrible days. Haven't we all? Really terrible days. But I've had so many great days. Right now, like, actually, my mind is immediately going to this time that we, Jack and I had this wacky idea when we got together. We were blending my family with him. You know, he was coming into my life as my new husband. I had these four little children, and we decided we didn't want to wait around and let the bonding happen quite naturally in the. In the fullness of time. We wanted to hurry that along. That's just. Just the way we roll. And so we decided to take the kids on a trip around the world. That was also how we roll. It wasn't exactly my idea. It was just Jack's idea. Jack had all sorts of huge ideas. And so we took the kids on a trip around the world. And really early on, we got off the plane at some kind of stop, and we were between islands we were going to. We were on our way to Japan, actually, and we got. We stopped at an island, and there was somebody with a boombox on the tarmac. Don't ask why. And we got off and we all started dancing. Dancing together. It was a big, beautiful, bonding, unplanned bonding moment. Many other fantastic things have happened to me in my life. My books have been on bestseller list. I've had the incredible blessing of many wonderful achievements. But that one, that was a moment that was all about love. So I'd go right back there. That was a fantastic day. All right, what's next, you two?

Okay, if you could invent a funny holiday, what would it be called and what would it be celebrated? Celebrating.

Disclaimer. It can't be National PR Day.

Yeah.

And can't have to do with dogs or coffee.

All right. Oh, you're taking away all my things. You're taking all. I have a national or how bad watches are. Yeah, National Appreciate people who do Ceramics Day. I mean, this is a dumb question. Move on.

Okay, what is your craziest travel story?

Oh, well, there was the time I was walking around LAX smiling at everyone with my teeth. Right. Okay. I was smiling with. Because I was doing my research. My. My non. Smile and my big smile. That was kind of crazy. And honestly, I wigged a lot of people out. I was wigging myself out because I was getting so many positive responses to it. But I've had. I have had so many crazy. I mean, I've had scary, crazy stories. I mean, I had time that, very sadly for the bird, but a bird hit the windshield of a plane that I was on that was going from Lisbon to the United States, and we dropped down into the Azores in around two minutes flat. And it was one of those moments that they say, you know, the oxygen masks will be coming, popping out, and you think, it's never going to happen to you. And that happened to us, and it was damn scary. I held hands with my husband, and I said to him, if this is the end, I'm happy it's the end with you. Can you believe it? That's how it felt like. It felt like we were going to all die. Then we landed in the Azores, and there's never been any people in the world who've ever been happier to be in the Azores. And the Azores are actually beautiful. Not usually on most people's travel agendas, but if you can go there, not by accident, highly recommend. It's actually the quietest place I've ever been. Anyway, I lasted There around six hours and then I was ready to get back to the action. But that was a crazy travel story.

I think that place is only for people that know how to relax.

Yeah, well, that, that ain't happening.

Okay, last question.

Yeah.

If you could tell your 20 year old self one thing, what would it be?

So I know what I would tell my 20 year old self. So actually I would crib a line from this little book, Bible, which is be not afraid. Okay. So that line actually appears more in both old and New Testament than any other line. People will be surprised to know that. But don't be afraid. It comes over and over and over again. Are we just too afraid all the time? You know, we're just afraid of failure. I think that's it. We're afraid of screwing up or being just making a fool of ourselves or whatever. And I think when I see somebody with courage and just who just puts themselves out there knowing that they might fail, I think I've gotten more and more like that as life has gone on. After I got fired from Harvard Business Review and I thought, oh, I didn't die, although it felt like a death the day it happened. For days afterwards and weeks afterwards until I got my next job, it felt really terrible. Like I had been just smear. Oh, it was terrible. Like even today I feel terrible vibes on it. But I had such a great life afterwards. So I would say, be not afraid is what I would say. Don't be so afraid. Just put yourself out there. I always say to my students, I can't wait till you're all fired. So you realize that you'll go on living and then you'll put yourself out there more. You'll get so much more out of life if you do that and smile with your teeth. Okay, those things also.

Yay.

Yay. Okay, that's it. You didn't stop me. Keep trying, keep trying. Can I just add one thing a day that I never want to relive? Which is like yesterday when I tried to relax. That was a really. I went out to the countryside with my daughter with the intention of relaxing. And at four o'clock she said to me, can I tell you how agonizing it is to watch you try to relax? And so that did not work very well. We did make a puzzle and I had a couple good walks, but basically I needed to get back to work because I'm writing a book which I hope someday you all read, but not for a while. All right, when we come right back, last thing, my fave quote this week. See you in a sec.

All right, we're back. Last but not least, I got a quote for you. It's by Charlotte Bronte. And I want you to know that right off the top of my head, I knew she wrote Jane Eyre. Did you guys know that Charlotte Bronte wrote Jane Eyre? Have you both read Jane Eyre?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. Yes. Jorge, read Jane Eyre. No. No, Pierre. Okay, so Jane Eyre is actually a very, very beautiful book. Many beautiful movies of it. But she was a brilliant writer. And I heard this quote of hers the other day, and I was totally taken aback by it. I'll explain why. The quote is, crying does not mean that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive. Very good. I thought about that. I thought about that moment when all four of my children were born. And you are actually laying there as the mom, waiting to hear the cry, knowing that it's a sign of life. And we do go through life and we do cry. And not to be too somber about this, my family recently just experienced terrible loss of a young friend. She was 29. Her death was tragic, and there's been a lot of tears because of it. My own tears, but in particular my daughter's tears about it and her family's tears. Profound loss. And you don't want to hear people around you that you love crying. You don't want to cry yourself, of course, but crying is a natural part of life, and it does show that you're alive. It does show that you care. And so if you're in a tough place in your life right now, in a hard place, maybe you're in a transition, maybe you don't know what to do with your life, which is why you tuned into this podcast in the first place. God, I hope we've helped you in some way. Who knows, you know, about the Azores and smiling with your teeth, but maybe not more about what to do with your life. I hope you do, though, just know that the sad parts are really necessary, and the crying is also necessary. It is a sign that you're alive and there's so much more life for you to live. And there's a way through. Everything is going to be okay. And even if it's not okay, it's going to be okay. So with those final words, and I thank Charlotte Bronte for that beautiful quote to remember that tears are part of being alive. And I'm glad you're alive, because you're listening to this podcast and all those wonderful things you have to do in this world that the world needs you to be doing. I love you. Even though I don't know you. I do. And I'll see you next week.