Is it time to reinvent yourself? Ask the birds.

Foreign.

Hello, everybody. Hi, it's Susie Welch. Welcome to Becoming you, the podcast it's about becoming you. I mean, it's about just this methodology that I've developed. I'm a professor at NYU Stern School of Business. And this is a methodology that walks you through the process of answering the question, what should I do with my life? But also gives you this lifelong tool for self awareness and self understanding and career planning. That's sort of the big picture of. Of becoming you. But we talk about a lot of things in this podcast, and one of the things that I talked about a few weeks ago is something that I want to talk about again. Even if you didn't hear the last podcast about this, I'm going to bring it up again. And it's about Susie the swan. And the reason I want to bring up Suzy the swan is so many listeners have written me and asked me about Susie the swan. So just in a tiny little nutshell, for those of you who did not hear the previous podcast, and frankly, I'd like to know why not. Okay. I mean, can you please submit a written explanation? Go back and listen to the podcast. Hey, you know on TikTok when they say, if you didn't see my first video, go back and watch the first video so you understand this one. I just swipe right by those. I was like, get out of my face. But anyway, here's the story. The story is that for a long time on my pond near my house, there was a swan, a single swan, who I dubbed Susie because I assume that she's a widow like me. For all I know, it's a male swan, but I assume that she's a. Swans mate for life. And this was the swan. And one day this swan disappeared. And I felt grievously sad about the swan, about Susie disappearing. I mean, at the point I was running around the pond saying, susie, Susie, where are you? When I call the swan, Susie, this does freak out my friends, neighbors and children, but whatever. I feel very closely identified with this beautiful swan who's all by herself and making a life on her own. So I did ask chatgpt what. What has happened to my swan? And it answered, your swan will come back. Swans leave when there are disturbances. And actually, it had been the night after the fireworks for July 4th. Okay, so I left you all with bated breath. I'm sure wondering if Susie was going to come back, because I've gotten. I was actually at an event on the island of Nantucket, and somebody who came up to me at this event. It was a fundraising event and said, has Susie come back? And there were a lot of people around who. Who know my name is Susie. And they wondered what was wrong with this woman that she was asking Susie, has Susie come back? Anyway, I knew exactly she was referring to the swan. So, my friends, the swan has not come back. Susie. The swan is gone, it appears. And I was having a gigantic pity party about it. And I. I know this is gonna sound crazy for people out there who are not fellow animal maniacs like myself, but I. I missed her. I missed her part of our daily routine that I would walk down to the pond with my dogs, and then Susie would show up, and she would swim and paddle along as we walked around. And I missed her living metaphor in my life that this was this beautiful creature who was making her life on her own. And not that I'm a beautiful creature, don't get me wrong. Nobody hates their looks more than I do. So I would say that I just identified with this swan. She did not come back. She's not come back, my friends. But the craziest thing happened, and this is so true. Complete truth. I took a picture of it, and I'm happy to post it anywhere for verification, but the other day, I went down to the pond, and my eyes could not believe it, but there was this incredibly beautiful single heron swimming around on the pond. And I guess I just read too much literature in my life, and I immediately snapped a picture of her. And I said, oh, my gosh, this. This new bird has showed up all by herself on the pond. And she was. She didn't paddle with us because she has not gotten to know us yet, but she did observe us, and we observed her. She was magnificent. Usually herons are in pairs as well. And I have read so much literature, I thought, well, what. What. What is the metaphor here? What is the metaphor? And I think it's about reinvention or renewal or different versions of ourselves. And I literally said to her, what should I name you? What should I name you? And I thought, I know exactly what I'm going to name you. I'm going to name you Emily, after Emily Dickinson, who has this magnificent, magnificent quote that has been dear to my heart for my entire adult life, where she wrote in one of her poems, which just has a number, by the way. Now, no name to this poem. She wrote, we are not older with the years, but newer every day. And this has actually been sort of my personal motto. We are not older with the years, but newer every day, because I actually Endeavor to be newer every day. I am. I mean, I can't fight the years. I'm getting older. What can I say? I've got a birthday coming up. It's better than the alternative, as they say. But I love this constant idea of growth through learning, growth through growing as I, you know, as you go through things, you grow through things. And so I named her Emily in honor of being newer. And here was my new heron. And I greeted her warmly. I hope that she stays with us. She's magnificent and she's also by herself. But maybe this was a message to me about renewal. And I will just add this one thing about this. Right after the heron landed on the pond, and if you're wondering if this story is ever going to end, it is. Right after this heron landed on the pond, I went out to dinner with my daughter and one of her friends, who is a very deeply spiritual person, went to Yale Divinity School and is really a great student of all religions. And I might even say he's a little woo woo, okay? And I try not to be woo woo. But occasionally, obviously, as I go around naming swans, I must have some woo woo in me. And my daughter Eve related that she had recently, for $130 an hour, she'd recently hired a woman who told her what her soul animal was. Not her spirit animal, but her soul animal. And that this woman looks at your picture and then she tells you what animal you are like in the animal kingdom. And I could tell that Eve's woo woo friend, eyes were rolling back in his head with the absurdity of this notion. He was like, uh huh. So even this friend Luke found this notion to be absurd. And I said, and I typically would also, but in the spirit of renewal and reinvention and open heartedness, I said I would like to have an hour consultation and find out what my soul animal was. Okay? Secretly I was hoping it was going to be a swan or a heron, but Eve was like, mom, you are going to talk to the soul animal lady. And I said yes, because I actually believe that we should try new things all the time. And I think that actually there are people on this earth with special gifts. I've met them. They just have some special gift to do something that's kind of not what you would expect. And maybe this woman has a very special gift. So I set up time with her and we sent her my photograph. She does this through a photograph, if you can believe it. And then I got on the phone with her, very excited to hear what my Soul animal was. And then I will say for the next hour, she told me that my soul animal was the Omega version of a wolf. And she said, you're not an Alpha and you're not a Beta. You're really an Omega. You're sort of a supporter in the background. And I was like, okay, so it's just, I mean, it was not. And I think she could see my face on the zoom. And she was like, is this not resonating with you? And I was like. And she, then she, she suggested that maybe I never really wanted to be an Alpha, but I was forced into the role of being an Alpha. And all I can say is like, I was bossing people around when I was two years old, so I, I don't see myself in an Omega role. But. And then the other thing she told me about wolf's also didn't resonate. So this bumped along and it was, I was glad I gave it the chance. And then it wasn't really working out and it was sort of sputtering out. And I ended up telling her the story of Susie the swan. And I said, is it possible that my sole animal is a swan? And she said, I don't think so.

So I think it's on me really to interpret all of these events. And really the point of the story is this. Number one, Susie the swan did not come back. And sometimes versions of ourselves go away and they don't come back. And that can feel very painful like it did when Susie went away and we live through it. Number two, another animal or another being, another replacement, a new version of this Susie the swan showed up on my pond because I had eyes to see her. And I got really excited about it and I thought, maybe this is a message about renewal and maybe this is about me changing my life and renewing myself in some way. Maybe I, I don't know, maybe this means something. And I am pondering it. And the third point of this story is that I went out on a limb and did something very woo woo that I would not ordinarily do. And it didn't actually work out exactly as it was, but it was still an experience. And I learned a little something about myself and actually a lot about how self aware I am about myself. Because I took becoming you. I take becoming you every single time I teach it. That's the end of the story. That's the story of Susie the swan and Emily the heron and the omega wolf that I am not. And I just put it out there to sort of put A bow on that story. And now let's get on with the podcast.

But let us move on to our next portion of the show, where as I take questions from the audience, and I'm so curious to know what you guys have got for me today. What do we have? The first question from the community is, what if you have an interest in.

Multiple avenues and can't decide which path to take?

Oh, what if you have so many options and you don't know which one to do? So I talk a lot about this thing I called the cowbell syndrome. I quote myself talking about the cowbell syndrome every single day. And this is. It came from a student who said to me, you know, sometimes, Professor Welch, I just think that I want to be a country veterinarian. And that would be the perfect life for me in so many ways. I'd live out in the country, and I take care of dogs and cats, but I really like farm animals. And I would vaccinate the cows, and I would hang out, and I'd have a beaut life with my family in the country. And I just think that would be great, and I should have gone to vet school to do that. But then I start thinking, man, you know, what would really be, like, the best life in the whole world for me? I've got this vision of myself ringing the bell on the NASDAQ when my company goes public. And, like, being a tech entrepreneur, it's got so many things. I would really love to be a tech entrepreneur, and I'd really love to ring the bell. And I had that vision, and my parents would be there, and that's what I really want to do. And I said, well, wait, what is it that you actually want to do? Do you want to vaccinate the cows or ring the bell? And the student went, uh, both. And that is just the whole. So I call it the cow bell syndrome. Vaccinate the cows, ring the bell. And the thing about it is, there are people in my field, okay, technically in my field, that talk to you about trying on a lot of different Personas and sort of trying out these different versions of yourself. And I think that's all great, except for you have to wake up every day as one version of yourself. You can't be 10 people in one day. You can't even be two people. You just got to be one person and get up and go to work. That's the reality of it. So I don't know how you actually do that. I don't know how you try on different Personas I actually am from the school of thought. You got to choose one. And that's actually why I developed Becoming youg, to help you choose the one. And it may be not everything, but it's going to be your best road to follow because you did this very deliberate work of figuring out what your authentic values are, what your actual aptitudes are, and what areas of the economy that are growing interest you the most or call you emotionally or intellectually. You can't keep on trying Personas on because you'll drive everyone around you insane and you'll get poor. You've got to choose one and go with it, but you can't go willy nilly into it. That's a big, big, big decision. So the answer to your question is you've got to get out a pen and paper. You've got to figure out your authentic values, what they really are. I have a whole bunch of exercises about those and if you listen to the podcast, I describe many of them and follow me on Instagram, I put a lot of the exercises there. The book's coming, but not for a couple of months. But they'll all be in the book. Some of them will be on my website, which is coming soon as well. A lot of stuff in the works. You've got to know your aptitudes. Again, you can test for these. It's not inexpensive, it's $40. I get it. That is an expense. But you can go to youscience.com I have no financial relationship with this company. And you can figure out what your actual aptitudes are. And then it's on you to figure out the areas of the economy that call you intellectually and emotionally. Just keep your aperture. Why don't just go for what know exists and somewhere at the intersection of those three things is the road you need to take. Because if you don't know your destination, any old road will do. And you'll wander in the vast wilderness of options your whole life long. And that's not fulfilling. It's not. I rather have you choose one direction, go for it, get pretty close to it, and then say, okay, this was not exactly right. I'm going to change directions because life is long enough for you to do that, but to just to vacillate between all the different options. It's kind of emotional and personal agony. And. And it gets you nowhere. It gets you nowhere. You can't indulge in the cowbell syndrome. But I also don't think you should choose randomly between the cows and ringing the bell. I think you gotta do the hard work to make an informed decision and I highly encourage you to do that. And it's hard. If it's easy, you're not doing it right. So I hope that's helpful to you and I do have out many resources to help you do that. That's actually my purpose. That's, that's my, that's my bag. That's what I really love doing. So I hope it's helpful to you and I'm really glad you wrote me. Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. I'll take another question from the community. Thank you everybody for sending these in. I love it.

Do you have any tips for getting back into the workforce after many years as a stay at home mom, specifically about salary negotiation? I want to be realistic, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of because I took time off to raise my child.

Yes, that is what we all want. I totally understand this question. It is a gigantic decision that every working mother makes. Do I stay in the workforce? Do I go home? Sometimes we don't even have the option to make that decision. But if we do and then we do stay home, we exit off the highway of work and then a moment comes when we want to re enter and it's really hard. There's actually organizations, they're nonprofit organizations that help women do exactly that. But it's complicated right now because of the labor market. Like right now. There was a very interesting article in the Wall Street Journal just recently that talked about how the labor market is now punishing college grads because all those jobs are filled. And so I don't know what kind of job this particular mom is trying to re enter into. But I would say if I can be just totally candid with you, and I'm going to be, because I cannot help myself, is that beggars can't be choosers. And so you're talking about negotiating your salary. I don't want you to be taken advantage of, but you don't have a real big leg to stand on here. Once you have a track record and you've got performance and you've got a resume that says, look how great I am, then you can start negotiating your salary. Right now somebody is taking a gigantic risk in hiring you. You've been out of the workplace, you probably don't have all the skills unless you really kept up on your skills. And so somebody is gambling on you and you've got to reward them by taking a salary that you probably don't like. Very much at the very beginning. The minute you have results, you can go in and renegotiate. But to negot your salary up before you've got results to speak for, it is the pretty hard thing to do. And so I don't want you being taken advantage of. It stinks. But you know, this is all about who's the seller and who's the buyer. It's just like, you know, it's just like any other economy. And you're in an economy right now where you are the seller, you're selling yourself and the buyer's got the leverage. And I'm sorry that that's the case. That's part of the deal that you make when you are a stay at home mom. And most, I'm sure you knew it, you give something up to get those beautiful hours with your kids. I miss them. I miss them. When I got fired and I was finally home for the first time, my daughter came home from school and I opened the front door and I said hi. She'd never seen me at three o' clock in the afternoon her entire life. I had just been laid off. And I wasn't laid off, I was fired. And I said hi. And she said, what are you doing here? And I mean, the next two weeks when I was home with her every day, I just cried a lot. I cried all the time because I couldn't believe what I missed. I mean, I actually, with my own eyes then saw all the things I had missed. It was agonizing. Would have I done it any other way? I didn't have any options because there was no sort of work from home in those days. Either you were in or you were out. And I'd probably, if I had to go back and redo my whole career, I would probably still stay working because it worked out so well. Okay, it did ultimately for me, but it wasn't like I didn't realize what I gave up with my kids. And so you didn't do that. And that's, that's so admirable. And it was your personal decision and everybody has to make their own decisions on this. There are no easy answers for working parents. None. Nobody has it figured out. Everybody feels guilt. It's kind of stinky. But guess what? The very good news is the kids grow up and then they leave and you're begging them to call you. So I so don't. It's all gonna work itself out. Right now you're in a hard place. Get the best first job you can, show amazing results Learn what you have to do. Upskill yourself as quickly as you can. Soon as you've got a little bit of a track record, level the playing field. But I would advise you strongly not to try to level the playing field before then. I'm. I'm sorry. I know this is a hard message and maybe you disagree. If you do, let me know. And I wish you all all the best. Keep us surprised here on becoming you. Please, please, please.

Friends, we have five minutes left in the becoming you podcast. I'm so glad you're here. I'm really glad. I know your time is precious and the fact that you would spend like a half an hour with me this week is incredibly. I'm very sincere. It really touches me. We just actually, we work with a podcast company and they actually showed me the amount of hours people have spent with this podcast and I was like, gotta be kidding me. That's beautiful. And so I'm really, I'm really grateful. I'm really grateful. All right, now this is. We've entered the portion of the podcast where my team tries to stump me. And sometimes they do. Sometimes they do. Okay, so we got a few quick rapid fire questions. Go ahead, go ahead. What do you got for me?

Okay, if you could interview anyone in the world, who would it be and why? And don't say Pitbull.

Okay? They mourn not to say Pitbull. I would not interview Pitbull. I don't want to know Pitbull. I don't want to know him. I just want to listen to his music. I just want to run to his music. And in fact, it's a dangerous thing to know your idols. I mean, and okay, not that he's an idol. I just like his music. Everybody, get over yourself. Okay, Maybe he's an idol. I do like how optimistic he is, but, you know, it's very interesting. I've had a long time reader, somebody who first got to know me through my book 101010 in 2009, and then she followed my career closely. Her name is Beth Williams. Beth, if you're listening to this, love you, my friend. And. And a long time passed where Beth just communicated with me through social media. And I knew her from a distance because she was a person who really supported my work. And then she was down in Florida for work with her husband, Tim. Tim, love you too. And she was gonna come hear me give a speech. I said, come over to my house and let's have coffee. Okay. This is somebody who'd been sort of in my universe since 2009. As a person, it was a very one way relationship because she followed what I did and I mean, I knew what she did cause I was friends with her on Facebook and so forth. And she came over to my house and we became friends and I consider her a friend now. And she said she afterwards she posted that quote that it's really best not to ever meet your idols. And when she met me, it was a good experience, not a bad one. And it was a great experience, actually. I almost wanna cry thinking about it. And so this is a really long winded way of saying, like, I don't really wanna meet most of my idols because you don't wanna be let down when you really, really, really respect them. I will say I have met some of my idols. Like I've met Jamie Dimon and Mary Erdos who run JP Morgan. I think they're some of the greatest business people in the world and everything. I've been very blessed to know Warren Buffett. He exceeds expectations. He's just a fantastic person who also happens to be the greatest investor who's ever lived. And he's funny and smart and dear. And so I've been really lucky. But in general, it is a dangerous thing. For instance, I happen to live near Madonna because I live on the Upper east side and I live in fear of bumping into her one day and finding out that she's not a nice person because I revere what she's done in her career and her reinvention. So, all right, this is a long way of asking who I want to interview. Guess what? Maybe Madonna. Okay, maybe Madonna. Because you know what? I don't expect her to be my friend and I don't expect her to be very nice. But I do want to ask her some questions because here's the one thing about her. Apropos of that last question, we got from the audience one time in an interview, Madonna. It was really recently. I think she has six or eight children. She actually maybe it's six. She recently said, I still don't know how to be a working mother. And I thought, oh my God, even you. Wow, even you. I mean, this weekend one of my kids was saying and doing something, and I was lamenting to a friend that I only got parenthood 75% wrong. And of course then everybody said, no, no, no, you didn't do that. But I felt that way at the moment. And I would love to hear from her about that because she is a person who presents herself as a very successful person on every Front and very self confident. And it actually was very encouraging to me to hear her say, I still haven't figured out this piece of life yet. So I'd like to. Actually, I'd like to interview Madonna specifically about being a working mother. Okay. Does that answer your question? You did not stump me with that one. All right, let's do one last question. I know we're probably running over, but what. What do we got?

What question do you wish people asked you more often?

Oh, what question do I wish people ask me often? I know one question I wish they wouldn't ask me anymore. I actually have a personal animus against a certain question, what is wrong with me? But I hate the question, how are you? Okay, Because I remember very young, like in college, walking on a path and somebody walking by and seeing somebody else they recognize. I was an observer of this moment. And one person said to the other person, hey, how you doing? And the other person said, terrible. And the other person kept walking. Okay? So I think that how are you? Is just such a. There's other ways to enter into conversation. And how are you? Is one I can't stand answering because the answer for me, always with a how are you? Question is so freaking complicated, isn't it for you? So, okay, but that doesn't really answer your question. One question I want people to ask me more often.

Hey, Susie, can you explain becoming you.

Or how I know? You know what? I love it when people ask me, how can I take your class? Because right now I can. Finally, Usually when people say. Usually when people say, I wish I could take your class. And I say, yeah, but you have to get into nyu and then you've got to get into my class. And I wish I could help you, but I can't because now I could say, you can take my class. You can, because I'm offering it one time only. Open to the public September 3rd through 5th. If you want to take a very accelerated, very jam packed version of becoming you, you can do that. Check out my website if you're interested. By the way, this was a public service announcement, but that's the question. I don't. Don't ask me how I am and ask me about becoming you. All right, I will talk to you all next week. Thank you so much for tuning in. Have a fabulous, fabulous week becoming you wherever you are. I'm Susie Welch.