Live from New York...It's Becoming You

Are most people in? Okay, great. All right, let's get started. Hello, everybody. What you're hearing is me speaking to an audience. We're talking of a couple hundred people, and I'm asking the people in the audience to take their seats for an event which maybe should never have happened, which I'll explain in a second. But it did happen. And I don't know, I may never get over it because it was. It was so much fun and so profound. I don't know how often that happens. Fun and profound experiences simultaneously. Because, look, people get scared about reinvention. And, you know, they wonder a lot of things. They wonder if more school is the answer. They wonder if they've made the right choice. And they worry about getting fired. And they wondered if they're alone in this stuff. And, you know, we are not alone in this stuff. And what you're about to hear is just proof that we are all together in this journey towards purpose with all its ups and downs. And there are some downs and there are some challenges because it's complicated. So this all happened because recently we hosted a Becoming youg reunion. We invited all of my students from around the world, MBAs, undergrads, the people who have. Of all ages who have taken my three day and one day workshops. And we did that because one morning a few weeks back, I actually. I mean, this is a true story. I woke up and I said, I am so, so tired of saying goodbye to my Becoming youg students.

I want to stay in relationship with them. I want to keep our community going. First of all, I enter their lives through Becoming youg. I get to know them really well in intimate and vulnerable moments. But just on top of that, for every person who goes through Becoming youg, I owe them something. We are going through together, and I'm learning from them. And everybody who's taken Becoming youg has helped me create Becoming you. So I hate saying goodbye to Becoming Youers. We have not figured out a way for all of us to stay in touch. I mean, this podcast is one way. That's. Thank goodness for that. But anyway, I woke up and I literally shouted, let's have a party and invite everyone who's taken Becoming you. So I guess the big question from that is, like, is it a miracle or no that my team stays with me? Because every single day, I seem to wake up and think of ways to make them weep softly into their hands.

I wasn't watching their faces when I said, let's have a party. Invite everybody. But anyway, we figured out how to make it happen. They did. And we figured out on how to do it on the NYU campus. We got the very biggest lecture hall they've got and we sent out invites and people came from everywhere and they said, yeah, we'll be there. We want to stay in relationship with each other and we're all in this together. And so we got together and one thing we did was talk and share and compare notes about becoming you and putting it into practice, about what you do when you stall or you get scared, what parts of becoming you are easy and hard. And in fact, I have a rant coming up if you stay with this podcast, and I really hope you do, about what is the hardest part of becoming you. And I kind of. I kind of go off on how important it is that you step right into that hardness. Look, too many people skip it. I'll be talking about it. But you shouldn't anyway. I repeat, you should not. And now let's move on because what we are sharing with you today is stories. And actually we're doing this over the next two episodes of Becoming youg because we have enough wonderful comments and questions about Becoming youg from the reunion. And you'll hear from the people who are at the reunion and you'll hear from me. And I think you're gonna learn so much and be so inspired by their stories and their struggles and some great career slash life questions and commentary we can all relate to. So let's get started.

If you are new to the podcast, first of all, welcome. Yay. I'm super happy that you're here. I'm Susie Welch. I'm a professor of management at the NYU Stern School of Business. And this is the podcast we call Becoming you, after a class I teach by the same name. Now, usually this podcast focuses on the Becoming you methodology, which is based on the premise that your purpose lies at the intersection of your values and your aptitudes and your economically viable interests. Three big data sets. And we say your purpose lies at the intersection of those three. And just to put it very simply and bluntly, the whole point of this podcast and the methodology is to help you answer the question, what the heck should I do with my life? And by the way, if you think that this is your. This is a niche podcast and you're the only person wondering what the heck you should do with your life, you are so not. I mean, I am currently on my book tour and everywhere I go, people come up and we shake hands or I give them a hug and they have my book and then they kind of get really low to me, and they get kind of close in my face, and they say, I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. And I'm really, you know, I've been listening to your podcast or I want to read your book, and they. They act like they're the only ones going through this. And it's like, welcome to the club, everybody. And even people who feel like they're pretty close, close, like, oh, I think I might be living my purpose. And people who feel like I am nowhere near it. I mean, it is all the same questioning. So you're not alone. Hello, welcome. Anyhow, on the podcast, we usually dig into our values and try to help you figure those out. Or your aptitudes. We dig into those. Or your economically viable interests, which occasionally we refer to as evi, because economically viable interest is a big mouthful. And today we're going to do that, too. But we're going to do it in a live kind of way, in a live from New York kind of way, because of the Becoming you reunion. So we're going to start this podcast with McKenna, who is a person. She, you know, she's one of these people that once you see her, you never forget her. She's like a gorgeous redhead. And I wanted to be a redhead, so I'm fixated on redheads. But it's not really about that because, you know, I'm not about that. It's about, like, the light in her eyes, which is very luminous, and her energy is really luminous. And I was so happy to see her back at the reunion, and I was so excited about her question, which I think you'll love, because it's about the speed at which we approach our purpose when it's a very big change. When we see that our purpose is so far from what we're actually doing at the moment, do we rush headlong toward it or do we tiptoe very carefully? Which is it? Question from McKenna. So happy to hear it.

Okay, you know your purpose. What are tools, mindsets, to get you through that messy middle on the way to your goal life? Especially when the end goal seems so far off.

Yep.

Every second outside of my current job, I'm doing things to get closer to that goal. But it's tough, almost feeling like you're.

Living in two worlds at once. So true. This. Who has had this feeling? Yeah. Oh, hello, everybody. Okay, like, so this is not an uncommon experience with becoming you. You go through the process, you say, yes, these are my values. Thank God I finally have clarity on them. Yes. These are my aptitudes. Oh, this one was a surprise. Oh, these. Oh, I long suspected. Oh, that's interesting. That opens up some opportunities. And then you open your aperture on your economically viable interest and you're like, heck, yes. Space mining. Professor Welch was right. Space mining is for me. I know one day I'm going to convert somebody over to space mining. Okay. It was my lost opportunity. I just dig it. All right. Then you will figure out your area of transcendence, and it's a journey from where you are. Okay. So I'm seeing in the audience that lots of people have that experience. This is a very common dilemma. And so I'm really excited to talk about it, but I'd love to get a little data from you. Would you mind sharing where you are now and what your area of transcendence is?

Yes, absolutely. So I took your three day in September, and I have worked pretty much every day of my life since I was 11 years old to become a person that's in sustainability. So I'm a sustainability consultant, scientist by day. And then in September, I stood in front of the class and said, actually, I meant to be a theater producer. And in 10 years, I'm going to be on stage winning a Tony Award. Not really the same thing. So today I took off some time from a job, but I'm back in the corporate America science world by day. And then I'm taking producer classes, producing shows for a few friends. But it's like, yeah, my 9 to 6 is like paying the rent. And then, you know, my 6 to 10 is producing, which I love. And I'm like, I know it's the rooms. Like, when I'm in those rehearsal rooms, I. I'll call my parents and just be like, oh, this was the door that I was always meant to walk through.

Yes.

And I'm like, what? Like, I know it's the long game.

But it's so far off, it doesn't have to be the long game. And if there's one thing I say more often than anything else is like, why is it the long game? I understand that there's rent to pay and there is bills to be paid. I totally get it. But when you have a area of transcendence, that is quite a departure, let's put it that way, from your current existence, I'm not sure that you can do it in baby steps. Okay. And I know that's probably a cold bucket of water over your head. The next frontier. For me, it Is not uncommon to have this kind of conversation when I meet people from becoming you in the wild. And it's not uncommon for students to come to my office hours and say, okay, I got it. I know it's right. And look, you're saying, I know it's right, because when I imagined it, I felt exquisitely alive. Now you're starting to do it. You're getting confirmation. It's what you should be doing. And one of the great joys of doing this work is having people finally come to terms with their one wild and precious life. Okay? And then the question is, how do you get there? So obviously you can do it. I've seen so many people say, okay, well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to take classes and I'm going to kind of start doing it in my off hours. And I don't object to that because it's a testing. You've tested it and you've said, when I'm in those rooms, this feels right. But when we have a big change, sometimes we have to rip the band aid off and just take the hit. One time, my daughter, as who I talk about all my children all the time, but one of my daughters is a casting director. And after 10, 14 years of her doing it, I said to her, what's the difference between the actors who make it and the actors who don't make it? And she said, the actors who make it don't have a plan B. Okay? They're just all in. And I'd like to do research on this. I'd like to do longitudinal studies on this. But I'm speaking as a person with some life experience and who has reinvented herself like that. Sometimes you just have to say, I may fail, but I'm doing this. And I'm thinking right now, as I say this, about when I became a professor, I crept up to it, and I could have done it as an adjunct, and I could have sort of said no when they kept on asking me to take on more classes. And then I thought, I'm loving this. When I'm teaching, I feel exquisitely alive. This is my purpose. I knew it. And then I just dropped everything else and I said, I'm in. I'm in. And I went forward fully. I took all my other class and so forth and so on. Now I was older, and I'm not. You know, I have a safety net, okay? And I understand. And I don't want to be oblivious to the fact that there are mortgages and tuitions to pay at the same time, if you're good at it, which I think you were going to be because you were meant to be, what you're saying, you will look back and the one question you're going to have is, why didn't I do this sooner? That's what I think. One million percent.

So I guess my question to you is. Is like, I am getting that confirmation. Everybody that I'm meeting is like, oh, I thought you had been doing this longer. Like, that's the consistent. Yeah, just the way they show up, all the difficulties, they say, to get where they were in their career. I'm like, oh, that sounds exciting to me.

Yeah.

But when you were talking about, like, making that switch to becoming a professor, was there anything you did to prepare to make it, like, it's always going to be scary.

I get that.

But to make it just, like, a little bit easier or smoother or.

Well, I kept the mindset that I was a rank beginner. Okay. Like, is there anybody here from my first semester of teaching becoming you? Hi. Thank you. Okay, so you might remember that when I first was teaching it, I was up there and I was saying I, like, every day thanked my students, and after every class had required homework, where they gave me feedback on how I was doing. So I was begging to hear how I was doing, and I kept on elevating and tweaking. I think anybody who saw what becoming you has become from people from that first semester, like, that was not the class I took. You know, I mean, I have kept on growing and learning. So, I mean, it's keeping that mindset. It's your destiny, okay? This new life that you've come up with, it is your destiny. But you have lots of learning to do, and as long as you just accelerate your learning, which I think you will, and keep this learner's mindset, you'll be okay. But I'm going to suggest you jump into the deep end of the pool. Maybe you need to gather some dough for a few months or whatever, or figure out a lifestyle that's going to allow you to do that. But I wouldn't postpone Joy if I had the chance not to postpone.

Joy, may I ask one last question?

Of course.

Okay. So going off that I consistently ask every producer, I'm like, would you go back to school? And they're like, no, absolutely not. You don't have to. But I keep coming back to wanting to go back to school. Is there something to be said for maybe me being drawn there? Even if People are saying, hey, you don't have to do it.

Yeah. People who are in any field say, just be an apprentice. Just be an apprentice. I will say, sometimes school gives you self confidence. So for that alone, okay. And for school gives you the space to reflect on what you're learning. If you're drawn to school, go to school. Okay. But do as well. All right. This is fantastic. Thank you so much. McKenna, round of applause. Hooray.

That is fabulous. Thank you. Now, next we're going to hear, like an entirely different question, same category, different question about what you do when your purpose remains kind of fuzzy, even when you've done the work. And we'll talk about that because that's also not uncommon. We'll talk about it when we get back from a short break. This is becoming you.

Hey, it's Suzy. I'm back and ready to rock and roll. Did you miss me? I missed you in the 10 seconds we were apart. All right, let's get back to it. So we are going to wrap up here with today's second question from the Becoming youg reunion, which came from Cole, who also, like McKenna, was not one of my student students on campus, but took a one day workshop in Becoming youg. A few. That's how I met him. Cole is a creative and he is struggling with the fact that he can see lots and lots of possibilities for his life. So many that he can't really get his purpose into high focus. And he noticed, for instance, that when he took the values bridge test, which you can also take, you can find it online on my website or just type in values bridge becoming you, and it will rank your values for you. He said when he took it, all of his answers were sort of in the middle, kind of none. And so his question really came down to what do you do if you aren't really sure that your purpose is your purpose? All right, welcome. Cole, go ahead.

If you were someone like me who struggles to feel authentic in expressing yourself and does not see the world in very black and white terms, what steps might you suggest to more clearly identify what it is I actually want and how that impacts my values?

Yeah, this is a great question. Let me ask you this. Have you done the new values bridge?

I have.

Okay. And what did your top values show up as?

I would say that my top five as a whole, they were all similar, but they kind of were swapping places with each other a little bit.

What were they?

So primarily, I'm in achievement radius and work centrism.

Okay. And do those feel Authentic to you or do you feel like you sort of gamed the test and to try to sort of end up in the middle? Or do they feel right to you?

Those feel right to me.

Okay, tell us what you do right now, or are you looking or where are you in your journey?

So currently I have kind of two jobs going on on the same time. So I. I work in the ad agency world, specifically in production. I went to film school. I'm. So I'm a video editor and I work in creating advertisement.

Okay.

And then the other thing, which is a more recent development the last two years, is I. I also teach at nyu.

Oh.

So I teach at the film school.

Colleague of mine. Hello. Yes. Okay. Right. And how did. So what drew you to becoming you? Is my diagnostic question. Was there a sense that neither of those was quite right, or did you just sort of find the whole premise interesting or what drew you to it?

I initially found becoming you through. I think I was just scrolling one day, I saw some of sound bites from you on the many sites that.

Yes, on the many sites that I popped up.

Many sites that you are on.

Yeah, I'm aware. Yeah.

And it was resonating with me just because at this point in time, I was not really teaching yet. And I felt like I was kind of like at. Like.

I like what I do, but I don't know if I'm quite at the right place where I'm doing it, because I think for me, the biggest scope of what I would say is like, yes, I went to film school. Some people would say that you're a filmmaker. I consider myself a storyteller.

Okay.

And so that's kind of the overarching premise of what I want to do, whether that's through a film media, whether it's through writing, whether it's something else that hasn't yet been created.

Hello. I interrupt this conversation at this moment to warn you, as I did earlier in the podcast, that this is where the conversation takes something of a left hand turn and I launch into a mini rant or maybe a maxi rant about a very important aspect of finding your purpose. Okay. This is the do not do part that I was talking about. It's essentially my f passion speech. So buckle up for that. This is me reacting from experience that people love to figure out their purpose based on their values and interests. I mean, people just love those sections of the class or the book or the workbook. But when it comes to their aptitudes, you know, not so much when it gets down to Bearing down on what you actually can do based on how your brain and your brain is wired and how your emotional setup is wired. Guess what, my beloveds? You know, people want to back off, but it really matters. You can't do becoming you just with values and economically viable interests. You've got to also ask this question, what am I really good at? So let's get back to the reunion and my conversation slash rant with Cole. Can I ask a hard, unpleasant question that is very deeply embedded in becoming you? Which is. Okay, so you call yourself a storyteller, but did your aptitudes tell you that you're good at that?

Okay. And I ask that not just to you, okay? I'm asking it to everybody. And this is one of the recurring things I have to do with becoming you. It's not my favorite part of being a person, teaching becoming you is that people find their values and they're like, I just want to do my area of transcendence based on my values and interests, okay? Like, I have a huge scope, life. And I'm really interested in space mining. Okay. Or in fashion. All right? And Da, da, da, da. Right? And my identity is. And I'm just using you as an example, okay? And my identity is that I want to be a CEO. All right? And then we get to the aptitudes work, and I see that this person is not a spatial visualizer, not a Inductive reasoner, not a. And we do the pi360 feedback or the regular lmap feedback, and I see that they're not collaborative. Whatever. And the aptitudes tell a totally different narrative. All right? And this is a. And I'm not. Again, I don't know if this is true about you or at all. Probably not. But I'm saying. But when somebody says to me there's a couple of things, and storyteller is one of those words that does this to me, okay? So I'm going to use you as an example just so we can go on to the next one, because I. I hear you, but let me just point out this. And this is true for everybody. There are three parts to becoming you.

And the one where people.

Don't want to stare the most. Okay? And actually, if you had to ask me which one ultimately drives your career success the most is aptitudes, all right? I mean, there's actually a person on TikTok who I follow, and she is. What? How? She has like 3 million followers on it, but whatever she does. Okay, fine. Not competitive. Gia.

She says one Thing over and over and over again. I think that's the way you do it. And she says, just find out what you're good at and do it. Just find out what you're good at and do it. Now, I would push back and say I'm sorry, but values actually really, really matter. Okay? And so do interests. Those things matter. And what becoming you is all about is finding the intersection. I think that the work people do less and less of than they should. And I wish I had like another week for those of you who are my students here at NYU to do a whole other additional week on aptitudes because you we gotta tell ourselves the very, very simultaneously rich and scary story of what our true aptitudes are. And again, just to be clear here, aptitudes are two things, right? We do the cognitive aptitudes with you Science. This is brainstormer versus idea contributor. Those eight. But again, I can't stress this enough. One of your strongest presenting aptitudes depending on the job is your personality. Okay? Some people are just super good at certain jobs because of their personality. And so knowing what your personality traits are and how the world experiences you. Not again what you tell yourself you are. I'm kind, I'm compassionate, I'm a good listener, I'm loyal. Okay, maybe you are, maybe you are. But it's how the world experiences you. All right? And if you don't Remember from your LMAP or Pi360, take it again and find out how the world is experiencing you. Good news is that we can tweak how the world is experiencing us. We can if we want to. But if you think you're fantastic with people and PI 360 says not so fast. Okay, then get out of a client facing role and go do what you're naturally good at because you do not want to spend your whole life writing your story of your life with your non dominant hand. And so I want to just thank you profoundly for letting me go off on a complete rant and die tribe which was in no way really related to your question. I want to point out that you're still doing the work of it and I think that that's actually just fine. And I think that that's why it's not a kind of one and done with becoming you. Becoming you is a. Is like your, like I said at the end of the book, it's kind of I want to be with you forever and I want to stay in your journeys and I want to keep on coming up with tools and ways to continue along on this journey. Okay. All right. Thank you so much. All right, round of applause.

As I said, poor Cole. But maybe not too. Because frankly, frankly, the people who sign up for becoming you are usually not there. They're not coming to be coddled or afraid or hugged or told. Everything is groovy. They're coming to be challenged. And I bet that's you too. I bet it is. Because I know you. And I love that part of people who do becoming you. They're like, I'm ready. I'm ready for whatever it brings. And so that is it for this part one of Live From New York. It's becoming you. I loved Makena's question of the how fast or how slow we run or walk towards purpose when it's a reinvention. And by the way, if you hadn't gathered, there is not an exact answer to that question. No precise answer, except I would say this based on lots of empirical data, I would urge you to always go faster than you are comfortable. I'm just saying that no one ever reaches their purposes and says, gee, I just, I wish I'd come here more slowly. They just say, God, I wish I'd done it 10 years ago. So, again, just wrapping up. Just so grateful to Cole for allowing me to remake my point about becoming you. Sometimes neglected aptitudes work. It matters. And honestly, I think it's why the system is different and actually why it works. It's not just about what turns your crank. It's about how you can turn other people's cranks with your aptitude. So dig into it. You can read the book, you can take the tests, or on my website, you can do the workbooks. We have links for all of these in the show notes. So I'm not. Go and take a look at those show notes and dig into them and just keep listening to this podcast. So that would be lovely if you did it. By the way, I'm so happy you're here. Now look at next week, we'll hear part two of this little two part series. You'll meet Molly, who was a student of mine who used Becoming youg to pursue and land the exact job that she wanted based on her Becoming youg analysis, only to find out that that job at her center of her purpose comes with a downside that she had not bargained for, which is job insecurity.

Hmm.

We'll look at it and we'll talk about it. And we also chat with Tim. A special place in my heart for Tim. Oh, For God's sake. I have a special place in my heart for all of you and for everybody who's ever done become you. It gets crowded in there. But I have a special place in my heart for Tim because he was in the very first cohort of students who took it when it was just an experiment and no one knew what it was at nyu. And they saw the course and the catalog and they said, I'll try that. One of the things I love about the conversation with Tim next week is that he makes this wild confession in our conversation, which is that his final project for the class was just complete bullshit. Those are his terms. Except he says, you know, the crazy thing is, Professor Welch, it all came true anyway. He has a question, which I get all the time, which is, can you become you over and over again? So we'll go there next week. And you know what? I want to just stop and say, thank you so much for being here this week. I'm so glad you're part of this thing that we're doing, this becoming you stuff. I'm grateful to you and happy you're here and that we're doing it not alone, but that we're doing it together.

Becoming youg is produced by Jessie Baker and Eric Newsom of Magnificent Noise. Our production staff includes Muska Nagpal and Kristen Muller, with help from Elisa Zinn, Hallie Reiner, Maddy Paul, and Tanya Joji. I'm your host, Susie Welch, and this is becoming you.