A husband's emotional stability depends entirely on his wife's presence, a classic codependence trap. The speaker argues that neediness creates a void no partner can fill, and that people are attracted to someone pursuing their own dreams and values, not someone dependent on them. Real change comes from building independence and self-leadership.
I saw a guy's comment earlier and he said something about, you know, his wife being moving out of the house and, you know, how he was really frustrated and then how she wanted him to come back to the house and how he felt really good about it. And I said, brother, that's full-on codependence. Your emotional state is now predetermined by the way that your wife behaves or feels towards you. Now you've put yourself in a position of dependency, right? Relying on someone outside of you to provide you with something that you should be providing yourself with. The void that you're feeling in the absence of your wife isn't caused by the absence of your wife. It's caused by the fact that you've been so needy the whole marriage. Your wife isn't attracted to your neediness. Your wife is attracted to your own pursuit of your own dreams, your own goals, your own mission, vision, values. Your wife is attracted to you when you're on the pursuit of greatness. When you have something in your life that has so much meaning to you that you are chasing it with a passion, with a fervor, right, with an excitement, but you still make time for her and you make her a priority in your life. Your wife is never going to want to be in a position, right, with you where she feels like you need her, you depend on her, you rely on her. In that sense, you gotta find your independence. And maybe this divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you because it gave you an opportunity for you to have a relationship with yourself and do the work that you need to do on yourself so you can have a better relationship with yourself. You ever thought about it like that? Because here's the deal, once that work happens, it puts you in a position to therefore then attract what you want. Because brother, you're not going to attract what you want You're going to attract who you are. And when you start attracting people in your life from that position, you know what you attract? Other healthy people. People, right, who are not in the same situation as you, are putting off this dependent energy, this energy of dependence. Your wife doesn't want a needy man. She wants a leader.
