A speaker argues you're settling for breadcrumbs in relationships because you're chasing dopamine and validation instead of recognizing your worth. He references Ephesians 5 on what marriage should be, and says healing your internal wounds is how you attract the love you actually deserve.
You need to know your worth and stop settling for breadcrumbs right now. So many people in relationships settle for breadcrumbs. They get devalued and discarded inside relationships and settle for far less than what God has for them, chasing down and pursuing relationships with people who are not interested in reciprocating any type of relationship back. Let me ask you this: what is this about? Why would you want to have a relationship with someone that does not want to have a relationship with you? Why do you want to be in love or fall in love or stay in love or try to pursue someone that clearly doesn't have those feelings for you? You know what it is? It's that dopamine release you get from the external validation. That's why you people-please. That's why you sacrifice your needs. That's why you conform. That's why you acquiesce to who you believe they want you to be. And you'll change and you'll become a chameleon and you'll force yourself to do anything just as long as they love you. That's how you lose yourself. That's how you lose your identity. That's how you lose your authenticity. And that's how you become a 40, 50-year-old person who has no idea who they are. You deserve more than that. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be cared for. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be honored. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to have somebody look you in the eyes and you look them back and to know and feel on the inside of your heart how they really feel about you, that they love you, they care about you, you can trust them, you don't feel insecure in that dynamic. So many of you guys are settling for relationships that are far— that they're suboptimal. They're far below what God is calling you to. God is calling you to an Ephesians 5 marriage. God is calling you, right, to a place where he's saying, hey, sit at the table. Everything in the house is already yours. So why are you pursuing somebody? Why are you wanting to be with somebody? I'll tell you why. Chasing that proverbial carrot on the end of the stick, only to come to find out there was no carrot to begin with. What are you really chasing? What are you looking for? Worth. You're chasing worth and value outside of you when you should be chasing worth and value through him, through God. God says that you're a co-heir with Christ. God says right? That you don't need to settle for breadcrumbs inside relationships. You don't need to pursue something in order to extrapolate worth and value from how somebody feels about you. No, healthy love is I choose you. Unhealthy love is I need you, I need you. Healthy love is I choose you, I choose this relationship. Let's start making healthier choices and stop operating out of our right, wounds, out of our own conditioning, out of our own pain. Because we become like a bucket with holes. No matter how much validation, no matter how much affirmation, recognition, no matter how much somebody else, right, tries to fill that bucket, whatever you put into it's going to leak out. You got to patch the holes. You don't attract what you want, you attract who you are. The most traumatized version of you attracts traumatized people. See this, know this, it's like an antenna that goes up. You attract it, you bring it into your life. So heal from the inside so God can bring you to a place where you're restored and you can attract into your life what you truly deserve, which is beauty. It's far beyond anything you could ever imagine. You deserve that. And I can say that till I'm blue in the face, but you gotta know that.
