The speaker argues that external problems like relationship struggles and negativity stem from internal misalignment between who you claim to be and how you actually act. Before anything changes outside, something has to shift inside: you have to become the person you say you are.
The saddest part about where you're at is that you've literally forgotten who you are. You've forgotten who you are. You forgot who the guy was that built everything around him. You've forgotten who you are, and you're out of touch with what God has given you. The lack of gratitude that you feel in your heart. Negativity, pessimism, cynicism. This confirmation bias of basically you're thinking so negatively that that's all you see in your reality now. You're in the Matrix. You need to break out of that. You've literally forgotten. You've lost your edge. You don't feel the confidence that you once felt. Why, why, why, and how did you end up here? I'll tell you how. Because you haven't been been able to solve the problem in your relationship. And that problem in your relationship— solving that problem doesn't mean solving the problem in your relationship. See, that's the irony there. The irony in the dichotomy is actually that solving the problem means solving the man that shows up to the relationship's problems, the issues that that man had prior to the relationship even being started. What you bring into that relationship what you carry into that relationship. And don't you understand, this is about being a better you regardless, so you can have a clear conscience. You forgot who you are. The shame, the guilt, the confusion, the lack of clarity, the disillusionment that's been created by the fact that the waters are so murky and muddy. Why? Because all your stuff— everybody can point at you and you're not above reproach. You're not undeniable. Your conduct isn't impeccable. People can look at you and they can point the finger. You don't have a leg to stand on. You have all these expectations about how you want people to behave, but yet ironically you don't hold yourself to that same standard. So there's incongruence, and then you feel the cognitive dissonance. You feel the disharmony within your soul and spirit. Why? Because my actions are not in alignment with the man that I want to be. My actions are not in alignment with the things that I value in my life. And anytime there's a large division between what you value and who you are— I value being a good husband, but yet I can't control my anger. I can't control my emotions. I say things I regret. It causes that disharmony, that cognitive dissonance. And then what do you do to eliminate it? Well, you don't take action to change it. Instead, what you do is you rationalize, you bargain, you justify, you, you justify, you compare yourself to other men. You look and you compare yourself to the average Joe, or you blame your wife, or you minimize the relevance and significance of the issues that you have, all in an— in an— in the purpose, or, or with the motive to do what? Avoid looking in the mirror. Avoid looking at yourself. Why? Because you have yet to figure out how to solve it. You're the one that everybody comes to for answers to problems, yet you can't solve the— you can't solve the biggest problem in your life. You're the one that everybody comes to for answers to problems, yet you don't have the answer to the biggest problem in your life. Why? Because you're looking outside of yourself. Why? Because you're looking in the external. You're looking into the external in an attempt to solve the problem, not realizing that what's happening on the outside is a byproduct of what's happening on the inside. And you can't fix the inside from the outside. You can only fix the inside from the inside, brother. And as you do that deeper work on yourself, it gives you everything, gives you everything, gives you everything. Sometimes God has to do something in you before he does something for you. You're sitting over here, God, do something for me. He's like, I gotta do something in you before I do it for you. Question is, why haven't I received that message yet? Why? Oh, maybe the reality is I have. I have received the message, but maybe I misinterpreted it. Maybe the message is me talking to you right now, reminding you of how amazing you truly are and what you've truly created for your life, and the fact that you are capable of solving it. The only thing you need is the right tools and the right people. So maybe it's not whether or not you've received that message. Maybe the reality is I misinterpreted it. And maybe the message is, hey, take action now by working on yourself. If I change me first, then guess what? If I look around, what— how did I create these things around me? Your business, right? All the other areas of your life. How did you create it? By doing what? Changing you. But yet somehow you forgot that.
