Tim Arrigo argues that married men who blame their wives for problems surrender their power. When you see your wife as the problem, you're powerless to fix it. But when you recognize you're the problem, you become the solution and can change the relationship.
I spent $357,000 and 12 years in the trenches of addiction, divorce, and near-death experiences to learn this one truth about marriage. And it's that your wife isn't the problem. You are. And here's why that's the best news you'll ever hear. See, most men are sitting around right now blaming their wife for everything that's wrong in their marriage. She's too emotional. She's always nagging. She won't let things go. She doesn't want to be intimate anymore. But here's what I learned the hard way, and so are you. When you point the finger at your wife, you're giving away all your power. You're making yourself a victim, and victims can't change anything because victims believe the problem is outside of them. But see, the moment you realize you are the problem, everything changes. Because if you're the problem, that also means that you're also the solution. I mean, think about it. If your wife is the problem, then you're stuck waiting for her to change, right? You're powerless. You're at her mercy. But if you are the problem, then you can do something about it right now, today. And look, I'm not saying your wife is perfect, so don't get it twisted. I'm not saying she doesn't have her own work to do. Not being a simp. What I am saying is that you can't control her. You can only control you. And here's the reality most guys don't want to face: your wife didn't wake up one day and decide to be cold, distant, and unhappy. And let's face it, you chose her. You're not handcuffed to your wife. And your wife became that way a lot of times as a reaction to the environment that you created, the way you showed up, the way you reacted, the way you led or didn't lead, the vices and self-destructive behaviors that you had that make her feel insecure. Every time you dismissed her feelings, you taught her that her emotions don't matter. Every time you get defensive instead of curious, you teach her that it's not safe to be vulnerable with you. And every time you prioritize everything else over your wife, You teach her that she's not a priority. You created this. And as a result, you trained your wife well. Can't be in a dysfunctional marriage without being dysfunctional. That means if you helped create it, you can uncreate it. So stop blaming your wife. Stop making her the scapegoat for your lack of leadership, brother. Start taking radical ownership of the man you've been showing up as in your marriage. Because the moment that you do, you get your power back. And that's when everything starts to change. Oh, and one more thing. You want to know why your wife blames you all the time? It's because she actually believes that you can do something to fix the situation. So if you're ready to stop being a victim and start being the leader that your marriage needs, the Total Breakthrough Academy and our brotherhood will show you exactly how to do that. So reach out to us today and let's connect. If you want to change your marriage, change the man that shows up to the marriage.
