Break the Chains of Trauma

Anybody that tries to tell you that your unresolved childhood trauma is not affecting your life doesn't know anything about trauma, doesn't know anything about neuroscience, and doesn't know anything about psychology. We don't need to listen to these people's opinions because there's tons of data, literature, and research to support it. Unresolved trauma operates in your life without your permission. It's going to absolutely affect your marriage, 100%. Now, a lot of times when we go through traumas, it can make us really successful in one area because we have a tendency to become resilient. A lot of times out of those experiences, we have a chip on our shoulder, we want to prove our worth, right? We overcompensate, we become hyper-successful in one area as a way to dissociate from what's actually wrong. That's the irony here, is that when we don't know how to— we think that a lot of times if I acknowledge and talk about my childhood, then I'm blaming somebody. Nobody's blaming anybody. Everybody's traumatized in this world. Every single person goes through something traumatic in their life. But see, the event is not what's traumatic. It's when you're left alone with the feelings from the event. It's when a traumatic event happens and you don't have relationships inside your life. It's when you're abused or neglected and/or abandoned and nobody's there to walk you or talk you through it. When we get traumatized, we develop defense mechanisms. We develop core beliefs. We develop, right, cognitive distortions. We develop a certain way of acting and behaving as a way to survive that event. And those survival mechanisms, they might keep us safe in our childhood, but they keep us sick in our adult life. And they unintentionally sabotage relationships because we assume the worst. We fear betrayal. We have a fractured attachment system. And so we're not secure within ourselves. That's why we have an anxious attachment. That's why we have a disorganized attachment. That's why we have an avoidant attachment style. And these things show up in the way that we communicate or don't communicate. They come up in the way that we regulate our emotions. They come up in the ways that we handle conflict in the moment, assumptions, conclusions that we jump to, right? And the issue here is a lot of times we think that we're just gonna solve this by talking about an event. It's not the event that you need to talk about. What you need to do is understand the cycles, patterns, and dynamics that the event has created and caused inside your life so you can learn to unravel that ball of yarn. You need to learn to undo those knots. You need to untie that stuff. You need to look at it. You need to sort it out and understand how it's affecting your relationship. I talk to so many guys, it's their second, third, fourth marriage. Experiencing the same problems, continuing to blame their wife for why things are broken or messed up. Women do this too. And the problem with this is what you're doing by blaming someone in the external is you're not looking at you. You're not looking at the patterns, the cycles, and the programming. See, you're not the problem. The problem is, right, the cycles, the patterns, the habits, the programming, right, and the defense mechanisms and the mindset right? And the way you communicate and resolve conflict, that is the issue. So until that gets dealt with, until that gets taken care of, until that gets understood and you become aware of that, you can't change anything. Traumas do what? They operate in your life without your consent, meaning you don't need to think about it for it to affect you. It affected you. It does affect you because your behavior and your relationship dynamic supports that. Even if you are with someone that you think is a monster or a narcissist, what does that say about us? 'Cause I'll tell you right now, when I was in a relationship with a borderline and a narcissistic person, that was because of me. Wasn't because of them and I'm some victim in this relationship. It's that that relationship felt like I was right at home. I was in a toxic cycle, in a toxic pattern. And now that I have a loving, beautiful relationship with my wife now, right? That was created by a process of understanding what went wrong. Therapy left me clueless because all it did was just validate my feelings, didn't give me a way out, right? A lot of, a lot of us think, like, oh, I'm gonna go to therapy and I'm gonna solve it. The unfortunate part is it leaves guys feeling more defeated. That's why we created Beyond Driven. Beyond Driven is a place where you can come and you can unravel and understand those things, not from a perspective of being a victim. No, not from a perspective of being a victim, because these things aren't excuses. There are reasons. It's called pathology, right? Cause and effect. It's a natural— it's a natural byproduct of when these things occur. So, so important for you to understand this. This is why guys get breakthrough in the Academy so quickly, because they step into a new zone of personal development. They get what they need to know and get the tools they need to break through these patterns. Therefore changing their life. The reality is hundreds of guys are doing this every single day inside the Total Breakthrough Academy. Guys have found something that a lot of guys haven't found yet. Why? Well, I mean, we live in a day and age where people were just blind to this stuff. They didn't want to talk about anything. But I think now guys are getting to the point where they're ready to open up. They're ready to talk. So if you want a safe place to do that, contact us, because that's what the TBA is all about. That's what our events are all about. That's what the one-on-ones are all about. That's what the coaching is about. That's what the group calls are about. That's what the platform is about. It's not just about, right, the surface-level issue. It's about the deeper stuff, the things that are showing up, right, the things that are beneath the surface. We gotta do archaeology on our life if we wanna grow. You gotta be willing to dig in the tough places. You gotta be willing to take a pickaxe into the ground. How do archaeologists dig? They dig slow. They flag off an area and determine where they're going to dig. They survey. Then they start to dig. And when they dig, they dig slowly. They uncover, right, artifacts, antiquities, relics from the past. Then they study those things. They understand how those things relate to today. How do those things from the past affect my marriage today? And then what do they do? Put those things on display for other people to learn from. You end up helping a bunch of people because you did some deep work on you. Right? And this is about empowering you, recognizing that you have everything you need if you're just provided the right blueprint, the right skill set, right? And you're given an implementation pathway to do that work. You don't have to do this alone. Don't waste years and years and years in therapy trying to find something. Therapy is a great thing, but a lot of times you're not gonna— guys, as guys, we want to solve problems. Therapy is a space dominated by women, dominated by women. And it's a model that's based on dependency. It's based on you coming back, right? You wouldn't go to the gym once a week and expect to be ripped. So we expect to get massive breakthrough a lot of times by going to therapy once a week. If you want to step into something serious, I'm talking about 5 to 6 hours a week of doing some real work to get some real breakthrough, hit us up.