A man admits to treating his wife poorly at home while presenting a loving image in public. The speaker argues this gap between public and private behavior destroys respect and trust, and that real masculinity means consistent empathy and vulnerability, not just saying the right things.
So a gentleman who just joined the Total Breakthrough Academy told me, Tim, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed because I treat my wife differently in public than I do when we're alone at home. I treat my wife differently in public. I put on the facade. I act like we're super close. I treat her with kindness and compassion and love, and I show affection. And it's all a front. It's all an illusion. Because how I treat my wife at home is completely different than how I treat her when we're around other people. And what kind of message are you sending your wife when you do that? You know what message? You're telling her that what people think about you is more important than how she feels about you and how you feel about her. That's what you're basically saying. Your lack of transparency, your lack of authenticity, and your lack of love and affection— you're not willing to show that in public because you know that you're embarrassed. So let me ask you this: so if you do this, then what does that really reveal about you? Well, what it really reveals about you is that you know that you're doing something inside your home that you need to stop. What it really reveals about you is that you know that you're not being the man that you need to be inside your house. What it shows about you is that you're secretly embarrassed about being vulnerable and being open and honest about the fact that everybody comes to you for answers to problems, yet you can't figure out the answers to the biggest problem in your life, which is your marriage. Your relationship. This is time you develop the emotional intelligence, and developing the emotional intelligence allows you to connect with your wife, have the empathy. The myth is, well, if I understand my emotions, doesn't that make me weak? Doesn't that make me less of a man? You know what makes you less of a man? The fact that you need to disrespect your wife privately and then publicly pretend like you treat her like a goddess, like a queen. Treat your wife like a second-class citizen in your own home, but yet when you're out in public, you pretend like you're her knight in shining armor. And here's the sad part, brother, that's who she wants you to be. She never lost sight of that. Your wife is still hanging on by a thread and the hope that one day you will change. And then you wonder why inside your house your wife loses all respect for you. Why? Let me ask you this: have you ever respected somebody who talked down to you? Have you ever respected anybody who treated you poorly? No. See, How do you gain back the respect from your wife? Stop worrying about what you need to say to her and start worrying about what you need to show her.
