Connect Through Your Story

My desire to want to talk to my kids and get them to open up is a good thing. I want to offset some of that. But a lot of times my frustration, my impatience, or the fear that I might feel about that, or the guilt that I might feel about that, can interrupt it. That I know I want to do this for my boys, but a part of me also wants to do this for myself. And I'm going to say this, you know, the most powerful strategy ever? Let's talk about a couple of them. The first one, apologizing to your kids, telling your son your story, saying, hey, this is how I grew up. Up. This is what I went through. This is how I became inauthentic, disconnected from myself. I lost myself. I, I wore these masks. I sought validation. I had unhealthy relationships. I didn't have the emotional intelligence and maturity that I should have had as a father. And that part of that is generational, right? It came down from things that I inherited, that I was taught, and letting your kids learn from your experience just like they have before. Let them hear dad's story. Let them hear dad get real about his life, his truth, his story, his testimony. That is powerful because what it does is it creates commonality, creates a common ground. Because your kids at 22 years old, the likelihood that they can see what you want them to see is very low. Just like at 22, I probably couldn't have seen those things. And at 22, you probably couldn't have seen them either. It's like speaking Chinese, right, to someone who only speaks English, right? You're speaking a foreign language to them. They can't understand it. So my recommendation is let them hear your story first because you can't really speak into their life until they know that there's, that there's rapport there. There's a bond there beyond just that you're my sons, that it's now you know about me. So I'm going to let you into my world. Let them in your world. Let them know your testimony. Let them know your truth. Let them know your story. Let them know the highs, the lows, the things that affected you, the things that you've learned inside Beyond Driven, inside your own transformational journey. Let them, let them know those things. Let them learn those things. And then from there, start conversation with them around it. Also, the conversations you have with them, the best way to do it is not to try to tell them what they're doing. It's to show them how you process information. Information and the things that you know, but doing it inside conversation. Like, "Ah, son, initially when you said that, I got a little pissed off and I recognized that really I got upset because I was thinking that I wasn't in control or I was taking it personal. But you know, son, I recognize that it's not about me. You didn't say no or yes because to that thing because of me." And it's funny, right? Like how sometimes we do that. Do you guys ever recognize that you do that? That's how you do it. You create the conversation that allows them to self-inquire, that allows them to introspect. It teaches them that I'm learning from Dad in the way that he does it. It's not that I need to give them some blueprint. It's that I need to show them through my own processing how I process, how I work through things, how my thinking has changed, how my feelings have changed, how I understand how things affect me has changed, and how I understand how my past has affected me. Has changed. Sometimes it could be as simple as getting out the feeling wheel. Sometimes it can be as simple as sharing the downshift technique with them. But a lot of times, the most powerful thing you could do is to let them see you in your process, in your transformation, in real time. Especially as a 22-year-old, they're at the prime age where they have the ability to understand now. The best way that they're— they'll ever learn is by watching your example. Because that's how they got to where they're at now. That's powerful, Tim.