Create the Life You Deserve

Time and time again, I see people who complain about their spouse, but yet when their spouse wants to change, they sabotage opportunities for their spouse to change. Because having a broken spouse gives them permission to live a life where they don't have to be responsible, where they don't have to look at themselves, and they don't have to take accountability for anything that they do. See, they want their spouse to change and they talk about their spouse negatively for hours and hours and hours, day after day, year after year. But yet, A, they don't believe in their spouse's ability to change. B, they choose to stay inside that relationship with their spouse. And C, any opportunity to change, they sabotage. Why? Because they've adapted to having the broken spouse. Let me tell you right now, they know on the inside of their mind, in the back of their mind, on the deepest parts of their heart, they know that once their spouse starts to change, They have to change too, and they're afraid of it. Because if you're a person with a broken spouse who talks negatively about their spouse year after year after year after year, you might want to consider one thing. What does that say about you? No, really, what does that say about you? If you sabotage opportunities for your spouse to grow, if you don't believe in your spouse's ability to change, if you don't believe in their ability to transform, if you don't actually want to get behind them in the changes that they are chomping at the bit to make, And you might want to consider what that says about you. And I'm going to tell you what it says. Most people, they're afraid that when their spouse changes, they're going to evolve out of the relationship. They're afraid that when their spouse changes, that they're going to have to undergo their own personal development journey because that just becomes inevitable. That's why so many guys feel lost and broken and hopeless, because they don't see that the way to get their wives to change is to actually begin investing in their own change. Their own personal development journey inspires growth and change in others. Why? Because what works inside a dysfunctional relationship doesn't work inside a healthy relationship. When you actually start to evolve and make a shift, what those adaptations that your wife made to actually change and be in a relationship with a broken version of you no longer works because those things are no longer needed. They're defense mechanisms and maladaptive behaviors and personality patterns that she developed in a relationship with you over decades. And now that you're no longer that guy, those things aren't— they're not necessary. They're not utilized. They're not required to be in the relationship. So what do you do with them? Well, you're gonna have to get rid of them. You're gonna have to let them go. You're gonna have to abandoned versions of yourself that you had to develop as a way to engage and remain and stay and live day in and day out in something that you clearly knew was toxic. So check it out, brother. You want to bring out the best inside your wife? Understand one thing. A lot of times she's not going to believe in your change because she's so hurt and she's so wounded and she's so afraid. She's not going to believe in your change because she doesn't want to believe in the change and then get let down by the fact that you don't change. She doesn't want to get behind your personal development journey and when you're sitting here waiting for validation from your wife, when that's never gonna come, because the validation only comes from within. The validation only comes when you know that you're doing this for you, that you're doing it for yourself. You don't need your wife's permission. You don't need her to get on board, that you're going to grow, that you're going to evolve, that you're going to continue to inspire people outside of your marriage when this is over. So check it out, brother. If your wife is in the position where she's in a relationship with the best version of you, I want you to think about this. If you become the best version of you, what you're going to find is everything that your wife had to develop as a way to be in a relationship with the worst version of you is no longer necessary, no longer works, and is no longer required to be in that relationship with you. So I just want you to think about what that means, because all the guys inside the Total Breakthrough Academy, you know what they do? Inspire their wives to change. They bring out the tools and they share them with their wife. They bring out the message, they share it with their wife, and they end up becoming the conduit and the catalyst for that growth. But your wife is never going to trust you to do that until she sees that you can do it in yourself first. All these guys just want to get their wife back. Brother, stop, stop, stop, stop putting off that needy energy of desperation, bro. There's only one pathway here. It's not winning your wife back, it's winning a relationship between you and God, winning back your self-confidence, winning back your self-worth, winning back your inner strength, winning back the pride, the healthy pride, the self-respect, the dignity, the integrity, the morale inside your heart. It's not about going back to what you had. Oh, Tim, I just want what we had when we first met, bro. That's over. Stop focusing on where you've been and what you've done and what you lost. Start focusing on where you're going, who you're becoming, and what God is trying to create in you and through you. Because before God does something for you, he's got to do it in you first.