Tim Arrigo tells men that if they want their wives to change, they need to change first. Stop blaming her, create safety, lead by example. Your behavior sets the environment where she can actually heal.
You want your wife to change? Then make it possible for her to change. See, your wife can't heal in the same environment that wounded her. Your wife can't grow in the same environment that damaged her. See, people are stuck in positions where they're frustrated about their wife not changing, yet they will not change themselves to give their wife permission to grow and evolve. How could you expect your wife to engage in a healing process or a transformational journey when you're not the one that's leading by example. So many men, it's like they think that their wives know how to fix this issue that they're dealing with. Brother, your wife a lot of times is just as lost as you are, and then you're having this expectation that your wife is gonna heal and change in a dysfunctional environment. That created all this toxicity to begin with? Why aren't you the first in the breach? What is that about? Why won't you just remove your ego? What is that about? Why won't you just listen and seek to understand? Try being curious instead of being defensive. Try having self-control instead of being reactive. Try showing kindness and being grace-filled instead of selfish and filled with resentment. Why don't you provide an opportunity and an environment for her to heal in. Be the man that walks in the room and his energy is so electrifying that people are excited to see him. Be the man that walks in the room and when people see him, they're captivated by his energy and they're like, yes, he's here, because he lifts the environment up with radiance and positivity. His dynamic energy shifts the energy in the room. It'd be hard not to be inspired around him. It'd be hard not to grow around him. It'd be hard not to be inspired and motivated when you're in his presence. Give people an opportunity to change. Give them an environment to do that in. Be the person that sets the temperature, sets the climate, establishes a culture inside your marriage. Are you creating a culture of selfishness, anger, resentment, hostility, bitterness? Or are you creating a culture of positivity, gratitude, forgiveness, grace, and growth? See, don't, don't blame other people, especially your wife, for the environment that you contribute to. So if the environment is toxic and you're upset that people aren't healing or growing or positive or happy in that toxic environment, look at your part. Are you providing and creating that environment? You're called to be a protector. You're called to be a provider. So what environment are you protecting? And what environment are you providing? Are you protecting the toxicity from positivity, from intervention, from your growth? You know how many guys I talk to on a daily basis? Opportunity to change right at their feet, and they choose not to. And that's on you. That's on you. Because there's no excuse under the sun that is ever valid enough to stay in something that's dysfunctional and toxic. Yeah, well, my wife. Well, my wife. Well, my wife. Know what the irony is, though? You won't leave. And you won't leave because you know that you haven't played every single hand in that deck. You won't leave because you don't have a clear conscience. You won't leave because you know that you become addicted to the chaos. You won't leave because deep down inside, You're comfortable. You're comfortable in what you created despite how unhealthy it is, despite how much you don't like it. You won't leave. And if you won't leave, then what other opportunity do you have? If you won't leave, then what other option do you have? You have none. It's either work on yourself and come out a better man and heal your marriage, or work on yourself, come out a better man, and that doesn't happen, but you prepare yourself for whatever God has for you next, and you learn and grow from the experience. How is there any other option? It's amazing to me. How do you not see this? What environment are you creating? Are you going to be the one that sets the temperature, sets the climate? Are you going to be the one that takes advantage of what you had, takes everything you had for granted? Or are you going to be the one who creates a culture of appreciation, gratitude, love, humility, forgiveness, vulnerability, peace, power, strength, growth? It's entirely up to you.
