Tim Arrigo tells separated parents to stop blaming each other to their kids. He says it traumatizes them and creates a false, polarized view. Instead, he urges fathers especially to become undeniable through consistency, integrity, and showing up reliably, which counteracts the lies an ex-partner might tell.
The biggest lie that parents tell their kids is that, oh, you know, now that Mom and Dad aren't together, it's because it's Dad's fault, or it's because it's Mom's fault. And what they do is they start to blame the parent who's not in the picture, who doesn't have maybe sole custody or doesn't see the kids as often. They start to blame that parent for basically the reason why the marriage split up, or the reason why they're not around. They say, you you know, Dad's just a loser and your dad only cares about himself. And they start to project all of their resentment and the hostility and anger they have onto the father in front of the children. And they start to lie to the children about the real reason. And so it creates a polarizing view for the kids and it starts to traumatize them in terms of the way they view one of their parents. This is one of the biggest lies that a parent ever tells their child. It wounds their child, number one. It's incredibly selfish, number two. And it paints a picture that's not the entire truth because it takes two to form a relationship. And when you're in a toxic relationship, a lot of times you have to engage in toxic behaviors just to stay in that dynamic. So this is a major lie. So if you're in this situation, listen to me right now. The way to overcome this is to become undeniable, to become undeniable, to become the parent in your kid's life that they always needed. To become their hero, to become their superhero, to become, right, unbreakable in your commitment towards them, in your passionate love to want to be there for them, to want to just not— you got to follow through on every single commitment you make with those kids. And that includes the commitment that you make towards yourself to being a better person, to being a better man, to being the best version of you. Don't let the lies that your spouse is telling your kids about who you are to become true and to cause so much doubt in your mind and so much depression, so much anxiety in your mind that you feel like your kids are literally losing the grip of their hand. Don't let that become a reality. Don't let it come to fruition. And don't feel like it's just easier if you just give up on that. Because let me tell you right now, are you gonna let your spouse, your ex, form a view in your kid's mind about who you are? Or are you going to show your kids who you are through action, through through following through on your word, through being committed, being the available parent that you need to be. Don't let the lies become your truth. Show your kids who you are every day by being a person of your word, of your commitment, of your integrity, of your honor, and of the responsibility that you have to be their parent and their hero.
