Tim Arrigo and a co-speaker argue that passive men damage their relationships through fear and codependency. They push back against passivity and passive-aggression, urging men instead to communicate clearly, set boundaries, take accountability, and lead in their marriages.
Every good woman will organize around a strong man's energy. A lot of times women don't want to organize around a passive man's energy because a passive man doesn't make them feel safe. And this is what creates power struggles inside relationships. When men become passive, when they walk on eggshells, when they placate their wife, when they live in fear about the way their wife reacts to situations.
And when they engage in emotional manipulation and lying and deceit because they fear honesty, they fear the retribution for their honesty. Passive men can't protect their family. Passive men can't take territory. Passive men sit on the sidelines and allow life to pass them by. Women don't feel safe around passive men. And so many passive men end up in situations inside relationships where They're getting overpowered. They're feeling inferior. They're feeling insecure. And they're creating a dynamic themselves where they're literally emasculating themselves in their own marriage. But see, the opposite of that spectrum is not to become aggressive either. You better not become passive-aggressive because that's even worse. The solution is to become assertive, is to know what you want, to be authentic, to respect yourself, have dignity for who you are, and to know what you want and not be afraid of what people feel and how they think about that. Your marriage is a team and it takes compromise. You both understanding what one another wants, needs, and where you want the relationship to go. How many guys have this expectation? It's like, well, my wife, my wife should know that I want— but the problem is, is they're not assertive. They don't speak up for themselves. They don't set the boundary. They don't communicate clearly. They're passive. They walk on eggshells. They live in fear. They have a fear of abandonment, a fear that my wife is going to pull away, and it makes them so codependent where they have no identity inside their relationship. Don't be that guy. Know your worth. What do you bring to the table? You should know that. But the problem is, is if you're not living in alignment with who you know you need to be, then you can't recognize what you're bringing to the table because you're not walking in confidence. You're walking in insecurity. So, brother, stop being passive. If you want your wife to organize around your energy and submit to allowing you to lead, lead your family, then step into the position of being the driver. Take control of the wheel. You are at the helm. Stop allowing the ship to be steered in different directions because of the storms and the waves that approach. Weather the storm, take accountability, and steer the ship.
