Tim Arrigo argues men need allies who challenge them, not validate destructive habits. Surround yourself with people who push you to be a better husband and father. Radical responsibility and accountability matter more than finding people who simply agree with you.
It's crazy when you're around a bunch of people who just kind of go along with what you say, right? You complain about your wife, you make a funny joke, really in sarcasm. It's really, it's really serious though, something you really meant. And other guys in your life, they're like, yeah, man, my wife's like that too. It's crazy how— and then you shift and you get around a bunch of guys who start actually addressing those issues. You say something and somebody's like, hey, man, actually, I don't agree with that. And it's crazy when we got people in our life that challenge us, right? I know, like, years ago in my life, I'd be around so many guys, like, almost seeking people out that I knew would validate the way that I lived my life, seeking people out that I knew would validate my, you know, self-destructive behavior. And they would co-sign it, they would get on board with it. And it's crazy when you get around people who actually hold you to the fire, hold you to the flame to be the better version of you. Man, those are people in your life that— you got people like that in your life, do not get rid of those people. Those are people that care. And sometimes the truth hurts. The truth hurts, but it also heals. So think about it, like, what's going on right now inside your marriage, inside your personal life that you need to get challenged on? Sometimes we never get challenged because we never get honest. But I want to tell you, you're not the first person to go through what you're going through. You didn't blaze this trail, bro. You did not blaze this trail. You were not the first guy. You were not the last guy. You were not the only guy. There's nothing new under the sun. So believe it or not, things that you're going through, guys can relate to it. People can relate to it. And when they're on the other side of that struggle, they know the perspective that you need to have in order for you to shift your mindset around it. Because that's where this really starts. It starts with a shift in your mindset. No longer going to complain about my spouse. I'm no longer going to look in the external, no blame external variables and factors in my life. Forget all that. I'm just going to take radical responsibility. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. What matters is anything in my life that I'm not choosing to change is my fault, is my responsibility. Because if I'm conscious of it, if I'm aware of it and I'm not changing it, I'm now choosing it. Anything that I'm aware of that I know I need to change, that I'm choosing not to change, is now becoming a choice. And it's crazy because I used to make choices all the time like this and then live in denial about the fact that I wasn't, and then tell myself that I knew the solution at any given time, I could change this, not realizing there was a lot of contributing factors that I didn't have control over. Tell you right now, man, get around some winners. Get around some men who are striving, obsessed, hungry, chomping at the bit to be a better father, chomping at the bit to be a better husband. Tell you right now, that in and of itself, that energy, that energy is so contagious. It's contagious. And then guess what? You become that guy for somebody else. And God uses you in that way. And guess what? You find a sense of purpose from that. You find a sense of fulfillment from that, a sense of contentment from that that can't be replaced with anything in the external. Remove every yes man from your life. Remove every guy that validates you being in the position that you're in, or somehow tells you you should walk away from something before you put your full effort into it. They need to be removed.
