Tim Arrigo describes a pattern in separating couples where the wife enjoys newfound freedom but feels guilty about her financial dependence, so she blames past grievances instead of working on the relationship. Meanwhile, the husband feels used, getting marriage benefits while living single. This emotional tension blocks real reconciliation.
And this is very common, probably one of the most common things when you and your wife are at odds, is your wife, now that you're separated, is experiencing independence, autonomy over her own life for the first time. She enjoys her autonomy and freedom but doesn't want to acknowledge that she enjoys the freedom and autonomy, and she has to utilize the past as a scapegoat to justify why it's not the right time to move forward and work on the relationship. And as a result of all of that, she feels a sense of guilt because she acknowledges that if she really does enjoy her autonomy, that would require her to get divorced from you or be honest with you about where she's at. But that then threatens her livelihood and well-being because of her dependency on you financially. So So that puts you in a position where you feel used. So you'd be right to say that she feels guilty. What does she feel guilty about? The fact that not being with you gives her a sense of autonomy and freedom, this newfound independence as a woman that empowers her. But rather than owning that and living in that, being honest with you about that, she has to obviously lie to you and tell you what? That she enjoys or, or is not in a position right now, right, to want to be with you, that she just enjoys working on herself and all this. But ironically, there's been no progress inside the relationship. And what's become evident is you enjoy the benefits of being married while living a single life.
