A licensed clinician with 20,000 clinical hours tells men in marital crisis to stop blaming and start looking inward. He frames separation or emotional distance as a chance to rebuild yourself around your actual values instead of staying stuck in resentment.
Let me guess, you're angry at your wife because she doesn't want to be with you anymore. You're angry at your wife because she's angry at you. You're angry at your wife because she wants to separate. You're angry at your wife because there's emotional distance, there's a lack of intimacy. Well, let me help you step back right now for a minute, my brother. Let's step back from all the pain, all the resentment, all the anger, all the hurt inside your heart right now. Let's step back from that and let's change your perception. What if in reality your wife actually gave you the greatest gift that you could ever receive in your entire life? And that was the opportunity for you to look inside yourself and transform. Now, right now, you could blame your wife. You could point the finger. You could sit in the resentment. But here's the deal. Self-pity isn't serving you. Self-pity isn't serving your calling. Self-pity isn't serving your family. Self-pity isn't serving your future. Self-pity isn't serving your employees. Self-pity is not serving a better version of you or anyone around you. See, my brother, here's the reality. Your wife probably gave you the greatest gift that you could ever receive in your life, and that is being at the crossroads. Path A: I continue to go down this path. I don't work on myself. I blame it all on my wife. I don't look inward. I don't do any self-examination, and I don't use this as an opportunity to learn and grow. I have a fixed mindset. Path B: I see this as an opportunity for me to look inside, for me to do some reconnaissance, for me to do some soul searching, and for me to discover how I ended up in this place to begin with, to remove my ego, to remove the denial, to remove the self-deception, to remove the blaming and the anger and the resentment that is not serving me, to get out of my victimhood and self-pity and truly realize that if I want to grow, I have to have a growth mindset. So, my brother, what I want to tell you right now, in working as a licensed clinician with over 20,000 clinical hours Helping thousands of men inside the Total Breakthrough Academy, helping men save their marriages, reclaim their authenticity, their dignity, to reignite and shift their identity to who God called them and created them to be by becoming a better version of who they are. I want to tell you right now that this is the greatest opportunity that you have probably had in a really long time. And maybe it just took me to remind you of that. So bro, don't look down on what you're going through right now. I know you want to. I know you're frustrated. I know you want to just blame your wife and deflect and project and deny and defend, but don't, because that's all driven by your ego. It's not driven by a better version of you. It's not driven, right, by your soul and spirit. You're a man that seeks growth. You're a man that looks for opportunity. You're a man that chooses to grow through the hard times. So just make a choice. Choose to grow.
