A man's marriage is strained because his wife avoids hard conversations and self-examination, signs of underlying trauma. You can't fix everything overnight, but you can change direction immediately by telling the truth and choosing a different path toward healing.
Brother, you do need your wife and you to get on the same page about things that have happened. You can't keep sweeping it under the rug. You got to have the hard conversations. If those are triggering for her, then that's evidence. That's all the evidence you need, right? That she has a hard time self-examining, developing self-awareness, and looking at herself. Which doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you. It doesn't mean that the marriage is doomed. Doesn't mean that you're going to have to suffer and be lonely and deal with this. What it does mean is that your wife is traumatized, right? And your wife has had developed these personality patterns and these traits as a way to offset the mountain of pain that's actually really there. And I think you know that. So what I would say is this: you can't, you can't change your life overnight. But you can change your direction overnight.
