Tim Arrigo argues you can't attract the right partner by staying the same. Define what you want, then become the person who deserves them. That means more vulnerability, better emotional intelligence, and leadership, not waiting for someone else to change.
This is why most men and women settle for less in relationships. What type of relationship do you really want? If you're to get really honest with yourself— and yeah, it's okay, aim high— what kind of relationship do you want? A loving, nurturing, connected, open, honest, Vulnerable relationship where we build one another. What kind of relationship do you want? Think about it. But see, here's the second part of this. Who do you need to become to have that type of relationship? Who do you need to become to be attracted to that person? Who do you need to become to be attractive to the other person and to be attracted to them as well. See, like attracts like. What type of relationship do you really want, and who do you need to become to have that relationship? Because the level up is you need to be willing to make sacrifices. Because if you don't make sacrifices for what you want, then what you want becomes the sacrifice. If you don't sacrifice your self-destructiveness, if you don't sacrifice your angry outbursts, if you don't sacrifice your lack of vulnerability, if you don't sacrifice to improve your emotional intelligence, if you don't sacrifice to be a leader, if you don't sacrifice to get in better shape, if you don't sacrifice, then what you want, that relationship that you desire, becomes the sacrifice. And you are unintentionally self-sabotaging yourself and preventing yourself from what you want and also what you deserve. It's who you need to become in order to attract that person. The irony is I hear so many people talking negatively about their spouse, but they never look at themselves about why they're in this relationship to begin with. And if you've descended into a lesser version of yourself inside a relationship that at one point in time was healthy Then let me tell you this. Do you believe that you can bring out the best in people around you? Because you can bring out the worst in people around you. And as you descend into a lesser version of yourself, guess what? You don't become a source of inspiration, motivation, and powerful leadership in someone else's life. Relationships are where two people build each other up. They support each other in being the best versions of themselves. They root one another on. When you got married, your spouse's dreams became your dreams. Your spouse's dreams became your dreams for that person. So who do you need to be to have the relationship that you truly want? Because somebody else's change of behavior is never going to heal you. You're expecting them to change, you're wanting them to change. That will not heal you. And you are putting your freedom, your happiness, your joy and your peace and your fulfillment in the hands of another person. If they would just be, then I'd be. If they would just act like, then I'd feel. If they would just treat me in this way, then I'd— and see, you got it backwards. Either you're elevating with this person in this relationship, or you're going to elevate out of the relationship. And sometimes we have to evolve so hard that people have to get to know us again. But are you willing to make the sacrifices that you need to make to attract the person that you want to attract and be attractive to the person that you want to be in that relationship with? Because that's the real question. Because sacrifices need to be made for your future. Stop talking about what you want and what you wish to have if you're not willing to make the sacrifices to get it.
