How To Go From Feeling Emasculated to Empowered In Your Marriage

What's up guys, welcome, welcome to the Facebook Live that we do every Wednesday. Got a great topic for you guys tonight. So tonight we're going to talk about how to go from feeling emasculated in your marriage to feeling empowered. A lot of you guys are feeling powerless, you're feeling emasculated in your marriage. Right? You're feeling like, it's like, why does my wife— I feel like my wife wants to step into the position of being the alpha in the marriage, and I feel like I just lost my edge. And a lot of you guys have been in this situation before. So if you're, if you're just joining me, right, type in the comments, guys, where you're joining me from. Love to hear where you guys are joining from, city, state, where you're joining from tonight. Um, and if you don't mind, uh, type that in the comments, please. So type in the comments, guys, where are you joining from? Joining from, uh, what city, what state? Uh, again, I love hearing where you guys are joining from. Um, so, you know, I want to ask you guys first and foremost, you know, how does it feel, right? So how does it feel when maybe at one point in time, you did feel like you had some power and you went from feeling empowered, right? Welcome, welcome from Brooklyn, New York. I love it, man. Omaha, Nigeria. I love this. Awesome, you guys. Caribbean. I love this. Welcome, you guys. Thanks for joining me. So how to go from, you know, feeling emasculated and being emasculated, maybe in a marriage, to feeling confident and powerful again. So everyone has experienced a lack of power in their relationships. And at some point or another, this can cause feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Right? A lot of you guys are— you're there, you're feeling the helplessness and the hopelessness. And again, I get on with— I get on hundreds of calls every month. And I talked to a lots of men who are struggling in their marriage, right? And these guys are really successful in business. They do very well in their business, but they struggle in relationships. And relationships require a different version of you to really step into a relationship and be present in that relationship. You know, we can't use the same power through mentality that we use in business in a marriage, right? It's just not going to work. So, you know, I want to ask you guys a little bit about, you know, how does it feel? You know, when you feel like it's one-sided and you feel like you're being controlled or you feel like you're being manipulated. Feeling powerless can lead to feelings of being unappreciated or feeling like you're disrespected. And what does all this do? But damages your self-worth, right? You guys can probably relate to this. It damages your self-worth, right? When you feel like you're being emasculated in a marriage, it damages your self-worth. And it can be difficult to break free from this feeling of being emasculated, like you're less of a man. And this is what causes a lot of men to fall into vices and self-destructiveness because We want to— we don't want to go home. You know, I was talking to a gentleman earlier and he told me, he said, you know, I don't want to go home and dread going home. I'm like dreading going in the front door on my way home. I don't want to feel like that. That's my house, right? And he tells me, you know, it's like I'm, I'm heading home from this business that I created. Excuse me, I'm heading home from this business that I created. And invariably I feel almost like resentful walking in the door because I'm just wondering kind of what, what kind of attitude is my wife going to be in now? Right? How's my wife going to be feeling about me? And the, and the guy knows in the back of his mind that he created this. Right. Relationships are based on reciprocity, of course. Right. And trust and many other factions of a relationship. But he knows that his lack of leadership, his lack of transparency, his lies, his deception, his behavior has caused these issues in the marriage. And because he hasn't been wanting to look at a lot of that, It's caused him to live in the gray area. And so he's gotten to a point where he feels like a prisoner in his own home. And the one place he has to go hide is his work. So he goes back to work and he hides, right? And he feels powerful at work, but he feels emasculated, right, in the house. And I don't know if you guys can relate to this, but a lot of guys can relate to this, right? They feel like they just don't feel like they have a sense of power in the home. And no, nobody ever wants to feel like this, right? So this is a feeling that a lot of, a lot of men go through. So I want to ask you guys a little bit about, you know, how does it make you feel, right? If you don't mind typing in the comments, like, how does it feel when you feel like you're being emasculated in your own home. How does that make you guys feel? You know, if you're, if you're entering the house and you're feeling like no matter what I do, it's not good enough. And I keep getting, you know, I feel like I'm in this power struggle with my wife. You know, how does that, how does that feel for you guys? Right. How does that feel? How— what kind of experience? Yeah, unworthy, right? Yeah, that's definitely a good way to describe it. Yeah, Julian says unworthy, feel like running away, right? Absolutely. Feels like hell. Okay, makes you feel miserable, right? Yeah, these are all right, great examples of how we feel in this relationship. And it can be really It can be really debilitating as a man, right, when you're in a relationship and you want to make it work, but it seems like nothing that you do is ever enough, right? Nothing that you do is ever good enough. And, and unfortunately, a lot of the times we have to be the one to lead. A lot of times, you know, there's not— it's not black and white. It's not like everything is my fault and nothing is her fault. No, there's a balance there because I don't care what anybody says, to be in a toxic relationship, which by the way, there's no such thing as toxic people. There's toxic behaviors and toxic relationships, but no person is toxic. They're a child of God. They have infinite value. So in order to engage in a toxic relationship, right, I have to participate in some form of toxic behavior. So I want to ask you guys, you know, when was the last time you got in a fight with somebody close to you? What emotions did you feel? How did you act? Did you criticize the person? Did you call them names? Did you roll your eyes as you sat in silence? Did you get defensive when they tried to explain what was wrong? Or were you able to joke around and lighten the mood? Everyone fights, but again, we all differ in how we deal with the conflict. And, you know, some of the main problems that we face are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. And I want to talk to you guys about what is criticism. So criticizing your partner is different than voicing a complaint. Right? So when you voice a complaint, you're not attacking the person at the core of their being. You're not dismantling who they are. Right? A complaint is like saying, hey, I was scared when you were running late, honey, and you didn't call me. I thought we'd agree that you would— we would do that for each other. That's a complaint. Where criticism is, you never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don't believe that you're, you know, forgetful. I just think you're selfish. You don't think of other people. You never think of me. Right? And that's that criticism. It's not constructive criticism. It's more an attack on the individual. Right? And so, when we're engaging in this behavior, what do we need to use to solve it? Well, that's what I'm going to get at here in a minute. So how do you correct this? Or we use contempt. Which, by the way, contempt is one of the greatest indicators of divorce. You're definitely headed towards a divorce if you use contempt. Contempt is, it goes beyond criticism. It's about assuming a position of moral superiority over your partner. Oh, you're tired? Cry me a river. I've been working all day, running around like a madman trying to keep this house going and all you do. And when I come home from work and all you do is complain like a child and hide behind your phone, I don't have the time to deal with another child, right? That, that's contempt. Um, the name-calling, right? And that's a quick way to sever intimacy in the relationship because there's no empathy. You're not leading with empathy. So again, guys, these are all byproducts of an unhealthy relationship. And these are the things that can happen. Steve says, sometimes I find it hard to lead. Right? Absolutely, Steve. Steve, you're not alone, brother. You know, sometimes you find it hard to lead because we haven't invested in ourselves in a long time, right? We haven't put forth the effort to invest in ourselves. Right? Self-investment is self-love. It's synonymous with self-love. You know, you have to look at like, what are you doing every day as a leader? Like, how are you investing in yourself? Right? And again, guys, like, nobody wants to feel emasculated and less of a man in their own home. Right? And, and nobody wants to have their self-worth corroded over time by their lack of commitment towards being a better version of themselves. It's disheartening. It's demoralizing to feel like you're not in control or have any position of feeling of power in your marriage. And here's the thing, a lot of guys think that power is a position. It's not. Power is an emotion. Power is not a position. Power is an emotion. Power is an emotion. It's an experience. This feeling can lead to When you don't have power in your marriage, you don't feel powerful, confident. You feel worthless, you feel like you're just distressed, you feel like there's no way out and you're just stuck. And again, guys, I've been there in my life. I've been there in relationships. But the sad part was, is I had to really look at myself. It's like, am I going to wait for somebody else to change before I change? I remember looking at myself one day in the mirror and I'm like, man, when do things change? And I just kind of said to myself, it's when you change. When you stop making everything else the excuse and the scapegoat to justify why you haven't made the steps that you need to make to be the better version of you. Because so many men that I work with inside my program right? These men, what happens is these men are in positions where they're like, you know what, even if it doesn't work out with my wife, I'm going to be happy. Right? I'm going to be happy. I'm going to find my happiness. And you know what, I'm learning how to do that because I'm cultivating power from within now. Again, I know what this is like. Right? Have you ever felt like you weren't empowered in your relationship? You ever felt like your partner controls the relationship and that you're powerless to do anything about it? Talked to a guy earlier and he's like, yeah, I live moment by moment. I'm like walking on eggshells every moment because I just feel like the relationship is slipping through my fingers. And it's like, brother, why are you not taking action then? Why are you not working with mentors? Why are you not working with people that can help you get a real legitimate breakthrough in your life? You're looking for this instant gratification. You're just expecting that it's just going to correct itself. It's like, look at where your lack of action has got you. So I tell you guys all the time, right? If you want to learn more about stepping into something better for yourself, right? Join the Total Breakthrough Academy. And what do we do in the Total Breakthrough Academy? We'll do a lot of things, right? We help you get clear about the problem that's causing the most pain in your life. Number one, we identify the problem and pain. We help you get clear about the process of how to rewire your brain and get beyond mental blockages. We do a self-inventory process with you where we help you get unstuck by uncovering past trauma and beliefs that no longer serve you. We help you evaluate the things that you truly value and that matter to you and reestablish your self-worth. We help you envision a new ideal reality and align your actions with who you want to become. We help you develop all the practical skills you need to become a multidimensional leader. Boundary setting, healthy communication, building healthy habits, ideal character traits, mental models for healthy living. We help you apply all the tools and knowledge into your life that we've given you by challenging you to put it into action on a daily basis. We help you make peace with your past and repair the damage that's been caused by your old self. And lastly, we help you shift your identity to your new self and establish a new way of living. Which what creates what? This expansion, this ripple effect, giving back what you've learned to others, your best or highest self, leading your family, leading your kids, leading your team, right? This is invariably what you want. Power. Power is not a position. Power is an emotion, brother. It's an experience. It's an experience. Right? Travis says, thanks for your videos and your advice. You really helped me save my life. Travis, my honor, brother. I'm humbled by that. Thank you. Travis says, you helped me learn I was an irrational person. My wife confronted me one day and I recognized it. I acknowledged it to her and changed my outcome instead of giving excuses. I love that, man. And it's like so many guys who are part of the Breakthrough Academy, so many guys are getting just massive breakthrough in their life because they're committing to a process. They're more committed to the process than they are to their wife reacting to what they're doing. You know, wives are sitting and waiting. I had a client the other day, right, in group. right? And, uh, he says to me, he said, you know, my, my wife, he said, my wife is, she's, she's literally just kind of waiting and watching. I said, yeah, bro, your, your wife hasn't responded to what you've done yet, brother, because she kind of doesn't want to get hurt again. And so you need to be committed to that process, right? Hey, good evening, guys. Thanks for joining. You need to be committed to that process. That's a commitment, right? Travis knows all about that. Right? So again, my question for you guys is, have you ever felt like you lost power in your marriage? Another problem in marriages is defensiveness, right? We've all been defensive. But here's the thing, when we feel unjustly accused of something, we fish for excuses and play the innocent victim. So that our partner will back off. That's called being defensive. It's never a successful strategy. The excuses just tell your partner that you don't take their concerns seriously and that we won't take responsibility for our mistakes. Example: Hey, did you call— did you call Lori and Ralph to let them know we're not coming tonight as you promised? You know, you had dinner plans with— you had a double date. And you said you couldn't make it. Hey, did you call Betty and Ralph to let them know that we weren't coming tonight? Your wife asked this, and here's your defensive response. I was just too damn busy today. As a matter of fact, you know how busy my schedule was. Why don't you just do it? You respond defensively and try to blame your partner and shift the blame onto them. So a non-defensive response is, hey, oops, I forgot. You know what, I should have asked you this morning because I knew my day was going to be packed. That's my fault. Let me call him right now. At what expense does that come to you other than your own ego? Learning these communication skills, it radically evolves your, your business, your marriage, all, all facets of your life. All the guys in my program, I'm making, I'm making more money because of what I learned. Yeah, because that's a guy people want to hire. That's a guy people want to go into business with. That's a guy that people want to marry. That's a guy that people want to be in close proximity to because they like the way that he carries himself with character. He has morals, he has integrity. And there's a certain point in time where good men need to rise up and become the men that they know they need to be. You don't have to stay feeling emasculated and less of a man, especially when you're linked up with other men. The camaraderie, the brotherhood of other men who are going through it with you. This is powerful. Please, guys, if you haven't already, take advantage of my free resources inside the link in my bio. I created this for you guys. I created the Downshift Technique specifically for you guys. They're totally free. The free training is for you guys. The Downshift Technique is for you guys. The Unbreakable Mind Guide is for you guys, man. I created all these assets for you guys to utilize, right? Please take advantage of those resources inside the link in my page. And stonewalling too. Stonewalling is you gotta know when to take a break. Hey, you know what? Hey, look at me. Look at me, honey. You know what? I'm realizing that this is kind of becoming counterproductive. And I'm realizing that this is taking us away from having a healthy conversation. And that's not— it's partially, it's my fault. I'm going to take ownership here because as it started to get escalated here, I'm recognizing that I'm not stopping it. And I know that if we continue to have this conversation, it's probably going to end somewhere that we don't want to be. And then I like to pepper in a little reverse psychology here, right? Here it is. And I know that you and I are more than capable of treating one another with love and respect. Instead of saying, right, you don't know how to treat me. You don't know how to treat me. You don't know how to treat me with respect. Instead, I do reverse psychology. I'll say, and I know that you and I are more than capable of treating one another with love and respect. It's learning how to communicate, learning how to negotiate, learning how to de-escalate, learning how to apologize, learning how to appreciate, learning how to empathize. Guys, these are learning how to create influence on the people around you. You can't control other people, but you can influence them. And let me tell you this right now, you've already been doing that. You guys don't even realize this. You've already been doing this. You've already been influencing them. You've been influencing your wife. In a negative way. You're bringing out the worst in the people around you. Amazing when you live a life above reproach and when you have nothing to apologize for. And that's not from ego and deflection, it's from truth, because you, you communicate in love. Right. Graham says, the goods, man. Love it. What do you guys experience? A feeling of being emasculated in your marriage, right? Haley says, this all sounds too familiar, like my husband. No wonder why I feel like what I do is never good enough. Feel stuck on the other end of the spectrum of the marriage, which is why I come here and watch your videos. Haley, I'm glad you're here. Right? And for all the women, right, we have something coming for you guys too. But again, why I tell you guys this all the time, it's like guys all the time, they find themselves in a situation, and I'm not in any way giving women the green light to be unfaithful. I'm not. This is not what this is. So let me just give a little preface there. This is not what this is. But guys act so surprised when there's infidelity in the marriage when they've just been completely neglectful. They act so startled and amazed. And then when we start to get down into it, they're like, you know what, I'm not surprised. I kind of had a feeling. I kind of had a feeling. I've been using this power through mentality that I use in business that's made me so successful. And I use it in my marriage, right? And it doesn't work. Some of us grew up in homes where there was dysfunction. There wasn't healthy models of healthy relationships. So a lot of times the system never taught us how to regain our power in a relationship. We've been taught that relationships are about compromising and that we should just accept the situation. That's not true. There's ways to regain your power and confidence in your marriage, and it's possible to find balance in your marriage. I want to tell you that there's hope and that you can take back the power of the man in your marriage. But taking back the power doesn't mean taking back a position of authority. Power is not a position. Power is an emotion. It's an experience. You can go from feeling emasculated to feeling confident and powerful in your marriage without even having— without even having your wife change. You're just creating positive leadership, positive influence. You got to take back the power and not give in to cower. To fear. A lot of you guys are living quiet lives of desperation, not reaching out for help. You see, reaching out for help is a sign of weakness. You know what's a sign of weakness? Pretending like you have it all together and like you have it figured out when you know on the inside that you don't. When you know on the inside that you don't have it figured out, and that you need help, that you need help. And brother, let me tell you right now, most responsible thing you could ever do as a man is ask for help. It's one of the most responsible things you could ever do as a man is ask for help. Right now, if you're joining me and you're struggling right now, reach out, send me a message. Hey, I'm struggling, I need help. There's nothing wrong with that. There's power in that, right? There is power in that. Again, guys, I tell you guys this all the time. This is so crucial. And again, this message is for men who want to take action. Right? 2 to 3 steps to take your power back. Right? 2 to 3 steps to take your power back. Number 1, look within yourself and begin to get brutally honest about what you're not changing. Number 2, find the willingness and the courage inside yourself to make those changes. And number 3, find a system, a proven process that you can begin to implement into your life today. And again, guys, I tell you this all the time. That's why we have the proven process. We help you get clarity, alignment, and breakthrough in your life. Identify and extract the root of the problem and ignite momentum. That's the first step towards taking back your power. Forge new connections, new habits, and align your inner man. That's number 2. Stop saying one thing and doing another. Activate your new identity, redeem your dignity, and experience your true power. And that's again, walking through these steps, walking through these stages. And this is the process that we put everybody through inside of our program. And again, the program is not for everybody. We don't work with anybody. So I want to be clear about that. We don't work with anybody. We only work with men who are ready to take action, men who are ready to commit, men who are ready to live a life above reproach, stop making excuses, stop blaming their wife, stop sitting here and telling me that I'm full of shit because you're triggered by what I'm saying. And men that are ready, right, to get into action, to do what is required to achieve what they deserve. It's not too late. It's not too late, guys. Imagine how it feels to be in a marriage where your partner and you respected, valued, and appreciated each other. Imagine feeling like an equal partner and feeling confident and powerful in your marriage. I was talking to a gentleman earlier and he told me, Tim, I'm so stuck in the pain, I can't even imagine that. I'm so stuck in the pain right now of my life. I can't even imagine that. I can't even imagine what it would be like to feel power again in my marriage. I've felt so emasculated for so long, right? I can't even imagine. I said, brother, you're not alone. But you have to be willing to take action. If you're not going to be the leader, somebody else is going to step into that position. But Tim, it's like my wife, it's like she wants to be the alpha. What do you expect when you're not, when you're not leading by example, when you're not doing more, you, you're not having discipline, you put more attention to sports and video games and the TV and social media and sleeping in and being lazy and being complacent and staying out of shape and making excuses and lying and living below the— it's like you're still trying to get your wife to accept a version of you that she didn't choose to be with. It goes both ways, Tim. It's like, yeah, it does go both ways. Why do you keep bringing that up? What does that have— how does that have anything to do with you taking action? What does that have to do with you making your life better? Nothing. That's still your victim mentality, you thinking that you're being singled out for mistreatment. You thinking that everybody is against you, that's a part of your victim mindset. You got to get out of that. Let's remove you from the relationship entirely. Are you living at your full potential? Do you feel powerful? I'm not talking about ego, self-deception. Self-manipulation. I'm talking about, do you feel powerful when you look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? Do you like how you feel? How do you feel when you're in the house? How is your sex life, your intimacy, the quality of your relationships? Again, guys, these are all things to take a look at. This is the work I had to do on myself and all the other guys that have come into the program, the work that they've had to do. But again, that work gives you everything. Best decision you could ever made is— make is to invest in yourself. You could never truly say you love yourself unless you invest in yourself. So many of you guys are willing to invest in everything else and you do an amazing job at providing, putting food on the table. You've crushed it in that area. But what have you done for yourself on the inside? That's why the method is called the Inside Out Method. It's about looking at the inside. Again, guys, power is not a position. Power is an emotion. Power is an experience that you have in your relationship. Power is an experience that you have when you know when you walk in the door you live a life that's above reproach. Power is an experience that you have when your wife looks at you and you feel like you're the fucking man. When you feel like you're her number one and she feels like she's your number one, that there's nobody else in this world that can get her to feel like you do? How do I get my wife to recommit to the marriage? Instead, why don't I ask you this? Instead of trying to get your wife to recommit to the marriage, why don't you try to get your wife to recommit to the man she entered the marriage with? If you've descended into a lesser version of yourself, brother, which I get— I've been there— you've had a lot on your plate. The business, the family, the, the weight of the world on your shoulders. Most men live quiet lives of desperation. You don't have to stay there. You can reach out right now. You can go inside the link on my page. You can click the link on my page. You can book a discovery call. You can get on a call with one of my team members. We could talk about if you're the right fit, if you're the type of guy I'm talking about right now. An action taker. You have to have willingness, brother. I don't want to hold your hand through this process. I don't want to rob you of the victory because let me, let me tell you this: I could train you all day long, but nothing is as powerful as when you go out and you get that victory for yourself. I could give you the sword, I could give you the shield, I could teach you how to fight, but nothing is as powerful 'Cause when you go out and you wage war and you come in the house and your family looks at you like, fuck yeah, I admire you. How do I get my wife to respect me? Stop worrying about them respecting you and start worrying about them admiring you. What is the action step that you need to take today? My brother, today, to feel empowered again, to feel it in your heart, the sense of power that you lost, the dignity that's been diminished over time. What do you need to— you need to feel this. Your whole life you saw power in your business, you saw power in the external. Bro, true power is only found within. Don't you understand? This whole process, this whole process is about making you a better version of you. It's like, I'm not ready to go because I don't think that I'm the problem. You still don't get it. This is for you. This is for you. And guess what? Because it's for you, other people get a better version of you. They get a better father. They get a better husband. They get a better leader, a better boss. You get a better version of you. You make more money. You feel healthier. You're happier. You're more empowered. Why don't you want that for yourself? You're like, well, I do. My question is, why do you keep sabotaging it? Maybe the reality is you just treat yourself the way that you believe you deserve to be treated. So you don't invest and you say, fuck this guy, this guy's full of shit. Really? Because I've been in your position. Because I've been in your position. And if I've actively been in your position, well, guess what, brother? Change is real. I tell you right now, the change is real. The hopelessness— I've been there. The darkness— I've been there. Stop waiting. Stop procrastinating. Stop making excuses. Stop telling yourself tomorrow. Stop using the holidays as an excuse. Stop. Because you know what happens? Oh, Tim, get back to me at the first of the year. Hey, you know what? Get back to me in February. Oh, you know, I'm really busy. Get back to me in summer. And then we're back here in the same place at the same time next year with the same problem, although it's even worse. Most men live quiet lives of desperation. You don't have to be one of those men. Please, the very least, take advantage of the free resources inside of my page. Made them for you guys. And reach out to me if you're struggling. Somebody from my team will reach out to you. You can type info in the comments right here on Facebook. Somebody from my team will reach out to you. You can go to the link in my page. You can click on the link. Watch the free training. Take advantage of the free resources, guys. God bless you guys. If God's for you, who can be against you, man? It's time to wage war with the enemy within you. Find your strength, power. It's not a position. Power is an emotion. Gotta ask yourself why you don't feel it and what are you willing to do to get there. Love and respect, you guys. Stay strong. Reach out. I'll see you guys next week.