In this monologue, the speaker examines the difference between healthy love and limerence, describing limerence as an obsessive infatuation driven by a need for the other person rather than a choice to love them. He outlines how limerence leads to self‑sacrifice, loss of personal identity, and a painful void that persists after the relationship ends. The speaker argues that this void is often a symptom of lacking self‑love, not merely the absence of the partner. He proposes that the solution lies in rebuilding authentic love for oneself, learning to detach from relationships, places, and things that no longer serve personal growth, and embracing the process of becoming a new version of oneself.
Chapters
But I love this person, Tim. Yeah, well, let me ask you, is it love or is it limerence? See, limerence is when you have an infatuation, when you're consumed by thoughts about this other person. And see, what the limerence really stems from is what? That you need the other person instead of Right? I choose you, which is healthy love. It's I need you. That's limerence. Wanting to be with a person despite the fact that you know that they're bad for you. You know that you're not a good fit together. You know that you're not compatible. How about neglecting your own needs in order to meet the needs of the other person? See, is it, is it love or is it limerence? Because when it's limerence in a dynamic, what ends up happening is you end up engaging in self-sacrifice, which becomes a way of life, and you lose yourself in the process. You lose your identity in the relationship. And then what ends up happening is when the relationship is over, you don't even know who you are anymore. And you can't imagine your life without the other person, despite the fact that you can recognize that viscerally, emotionally, how you feel is empty, broken, helpless, anxious, depressed, and afraid. See, when you're in this type of dynamic, you have to be able to recognize the void that you feel when you're not around them. So many of you guys the relationship ends with somebody that you were in limerence with, and what ends up happening is, I need the person back, I need them back, I need them back so badly. Well, let me ask you this: what if the void that you're feeling inside of you isn't actually caused by the absence of the other person? What if the void that you're feeling inside of you is actually a byproduct of the absence of the love that you have for yourself? Because that's the real question. So let me ask you, what would the solution be then if that was the truth? Would it be to get that person back, or would it be to reestablish a new authentic love and relationship with yourself. Because from that point, you come to realize that you just want to be set free despite what happens. Some of us understand that on the road to becoming somebody new, we have to accept that we have to end old relationships. We have to accept and, and learn how to detach from people, places, and things that no longer serve this new version of us.
