Tim Arrigo explains why wives resort to passive-aggression and withholding intimacy: men aren't leading, providing, or protecting as expected. He argues that when men change their behavior, trust and closeness return.
How to read between the lines of what your wife is actually saying to you. Every good woman will organize around a strong man's energy. And when men do not lead, do not provide, and do not protect because of their self-destructive behaviors, women react. Your wife is reacting because she feels that her emotional needs are not being met in the marriage. She feels unseen, unheard, and unloved. And she is trying to get you to show her that you care. And so what does she do? She antagonizes you and tries to get your attention. She doesn't want to give up on the marriage. So she's trying to throw a Hail Mary to get you to snap out of it. Also, because your emotional needs being met by other people, places, and things and extracurricular activities, you're not investing in one of the biggest assets you have, which is your marriage. And as a result of this, this is causing your marriage to suffer. When you're not being a leader, if you're not being the provider, the protector, then people can't depend on you, and that makes them feel unsafe. It makes them feel like the bottom could fall out at any time in their life because you're the one they depend on. You're the one that everybody comes to for answers to problems, yet you don't have the answers to the biggest problems in your life. That makes people feel really uneasy. They feel powerless to help you change despite how much they love you. And so as a result of that, you see their reaction. Read between the lines. What you're seeing when you see passive aggression, when you see her nagging at you, when you see her being short with you, when she withholds intimacy in the bedroom, that's not her mad at you. That's her feeling powerless. Learn to read between the lines, what she's actually saying. Adjust your behavior. Your wife will fall head over heels in love with you when she sees you rise from the ashes, grab the wheel, and take a hold of your life. And make the changes that you need to make so people can rely and trust in you like they did before.
