How to Save Your Marriage Without Sacrificing Your Business or Career

Hey guys, how's everybody doing? Like to just say thanks for joining me, right? If you're just joining me right now, just want to say thanks for joining me. If you're joining me right now, just please type in the comments where you're joining me from first of all, right? Love to hear from you guys and where you're joining me from. So by the way, don't mind if you hear my kids in the background. Um, this is usually around the time that my kids, uh, my family's getting ready for, uh, my kids are getting ready for bed. So yeah, I just want to tell you guys welcome. So tonight what I want to talk to you guys about is how to save your marriage without sacrificing your business or career. Okay. So how am I going to save my marriage without sacrificing my business or my career? Now a lot of us are in positions where we believe that if we are going to work on our marriage, that's going to come right out of some type of area of our life, and it's going to drain and take away one of the most precious resources we have, which is time, right? We believe that we can't save our marriage without somehow negatively impacting our business, right? And a lot of us, our identity has been wrapped up into the business. Okay, and I, I again talk to lots of very, very successful individuals that they're stuck in a situation where they've created a business, but the business has basically become like a prison. Right? They've built this business, but the business— they've basically built something that now has become bigger than them. Or they're pursuing their career that's now become bigger than them. And the one very thing that they created to provide for their family has been the very thing that's been killing the one thing in their life, their family, that they truly care about and love, right? And these men are living quiet lives of desperation. They They don't— they want— they know their marriage is suffering. They know their marriage is struggling. But how do I work on my marriage, Tim, without sacrificing that part of me, without sacrificing my career? And again, a lot, a lot of people are going through this. They know they need to work on their marriage. They're very aware of that. They know they need to work on the marriage. But again, that marriage that they want to work on has been suffering because of their career and because of a lot of their behavior. And they know, right? They know absolutely, if I start to work on this stuff— well, I'm afraid. What am I afraid of? My identity is wrapped up in my business. So number one, I've created a business that's become like a prison. And number two, my identity is wrapped up in the business. My— who am I without my business? As I start to step away from that business, I start to become afraid, like, who am I? Who am I now if I'm not always working, right? And that's why a lot of these guys, right, they struggle very badly, okay? Gentlemen that join my program, okay, my program is called Total Breakthrough Academy. The gentlemen that join my program All of them are in this very same position, right? They're neglecting their marriage, which is causing major— like, their marriage is like Swiss cheese. There's a lot of holes. And they're extremely successful in one area of their life, but they've become very much like a multi-dimensional man, like a one-dimensional man. They haven't become multi-dimensional. They're one-dimensional, right? Meaning A lot of their behavior, right, is wrapped up in what? Right, their business. And so the behaviors they use in their business, they try to apply in their marriage. But they don't realize that the same power through mentality that you use in business, you can't use that with your wife. Right? Your wife, that relationship is where your deepest needs are met. And it requires a different version of you to show up, right? A version of you that needs— you need to downshift. You know, and I used to— trust me, years of my life. That's why my first marriage 15 years ago collapsed, because I was consumed. I was consumed with myself. I was consumed with me, what I was creating, what I was doing. It was all about me, me, me. And again, in these situations, we don't realize that, that sometimes we're, we're chasing this purpose and we're building this business, but this business becomes a prison. And I'm trapped in my own business and I can't get out of my business. I can't get out of my career. I come home with no energy. I come home with— I just don't have anything left to give my wife and my kids. And then I don't feel respected because it's like I'm doing everything I need to be doing. And then I want to sit back and I want to get upset at my wife and the way that she behaves. But the only problem there is I created it. I created it. And there's lots of men that I work with who want to blame their wives, and that's why Men in the Total Breakthrough Academy, we don't do that because we know when we build big shit, when we're guys that create big things, we know what? That we created this, right? We created this. We created these problems. Was it always like that when you got married? Absolutely not. It wasn't always like that. It got like that somehow. How does it get like that? By a lot of what we create. Through the way that we neglect, through the way that we don't invest, that we're not a leader. Leadership starts with you, right? It comes down to you. What are you doing? It is your relationship with your wife. Stop making it about our relationship, our marriage. What about your relationship with your wife, your kids, your relationship Yours. Get away from the blame, brother, because the second that you step away from wanting to blame everything and everybody in your life, and the second you step out of that victim mentality, is the day that you take back control. And that's a power move. So I know there's a lot of guys, it's like, how do I gain back control of my marriage? Without sacrificing my business or career. Now here's the thing, a lot of guys, they don't realize that there's steps to get to where you want to be. A lot of guys, they want obviously either to save the marriage or to move on and be healthy and happy. Whatever it is that you actually want, you need to understand there's steps to get there first. And in the Total Breakthrough Academy, that's why we outline the steps for you. The excavation phase, the engineer phase, and the emerge phase. We walk you through those steps. We explore the problem and pain. We identify and extract the root of the problem and help you create some momentum. Because oftentimes, that's why marriage and family therapy isn't working. Marriage and family therapy isn't working because you're only scratching the surface by talking about those issues. And 9 times out of 10, you're not correcting the underlying issues that are showing up in that relationship. Things that will model— that were modeled for you, relationships from your past that are still influencing you today. New relationship, old communication. So we got to explore the problem and pain. To help you identify what the actual problem is, not how it shows up. Because a lot of times the actual problem is showing up in your marriage without your permission. Let me say that again. The actual problem is showing up in your marriage without your consent. So it's showing up without your awareness of it. Also, you got to examine your brain and body, the thoughts you think and how that affects how you feel, your perceptions. And you got to do some self-inventory. You got to be willing to look at yourself. And brother, you got to be absolutely brutally be fucking honest with yourself. Because if you're not, check it out, if you can lie to yourself, you can lie to anybody, period. So you got to be absolutely brutally, brutally honest with yourself because that's the only way this works. Sitting back, blaming, making other people the scapegoat for why you're unhappy, why your marriage is not working. Here's the irony here. Why would you still stick around then? If you didn't— if you knew that it wasn't salvageable and you knew that it wasn't your fault, if you knew that a part of you knew that you— I did not create this, then why would you stay around? You wouldn't. Why would you want to be with somebody that wouldn't want to be with you? Because that's a whole nother conversation for a whole nother night. So that first part is all about clarity. You got to turn that confusion to clarity, bro. You got to get clarity on the issue. A lot of guys are stuck here. They don't have the clarity. They need the clarity, right? This is, this is crucial. This is essential because you can't solve the problem that you're in with the same exact mindset that created the problem. Let me say that again. You can't solve the problem you have with the same mindset that created the problem you have. That's why you're stuck. That's why you're doing circles. And I get it because I've been there. That's why I constantly am talking to you guys about working with solid people, working with a coach, with somebody that can help you get real breakthrough. Success leaves clues, man. Willing to invest in every area of your life except for into yourself. The second phase is alignment. This is all about forging new synaptic connections and aligning your inner man. How many of you guys are living a life, a double life? You're like a house divided, brother. A house divided cannot stand. You're like a house divided. You get all these secretive behaviors, right? All these secretive behaviors that you have, and, and then you wonder why you don't respect yourself, bro. Because I've been there. I've I didn't respect myself when I did shit that didn't respect myself. You expect everybody else to respect you, but the irony is you don't even respect yourself. You expect everybody else to respect your boundaries, but you don't even respect your own. Sometimes you talk to yourself worse than anybody would— you would ever let anybody talk to you. So you wonder why that relationship with you isn't isn't healthy. How do I know? Because I've been there. I've been there. What does it feel like every day to wake up dreading? Can I be addicted to a version of myself that I hate? Can I be addicted to a relationship that I hate? Yeah, that's why a lot of times a lot of you guys, you're addicted to the chaos. You throw a wrench in the spokes because you're so conditioned to it. You, you want to escape so bad that you sabotage the relationship so you have a reason to do it. You have a reason to escape. You have a reason to go drink. You have a reason to go fuck off and do some dysfunctional behavior that in the end is only hurting you. That's only hurting you. And look, man, I say it every day, you deserve better than that. God did not create you to live a life where you abuse, abandon, neglect, and betray yourself. He didn't create you for that. He created you for greatness. Greatness is in you because greatness made you, period. Facts. So this is all about evaluating your self-worth, man, aligning your actions with who you say you want to be. That's vision, clarity here, alignment, self-realization. You got to develop the skills The only thing you guys are missing is the tools and the people. You get the right people in your life, you get the right mentors in your life, you get the right tools in your life, game over. Your life is radically transformed, radically changed. What you're missing, bro, is you're missing the tools, you're missing the people. And you know what, here's the crazy thing about men. Here's the crazy thing about men. The one area of our life that we typically invest in last, guess where it is? The one area of our life we typically invest in last, where is it? Right in here, on the inside. That's why the method that we have in my program is called the Inside Out Method. It's about fixing the inside first. The inside out. How many of you guys have tried to fix the inside from the outside? Like a bucket with holes, man. I know because I've been there. I know because I've been there. So this is about skills. It's about relationships. It's about network. It's about communicating. It's about getting aligned with with other individuals who are on that path that you want to be on. Success leaves clues, man. Why would I sleep on that? Why would I not invest in myself? How many men I've worked with who are making 5 times the amount of money they were making before? Why? Because they align their inner man. There's a block between who you are and who you truly are because you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself. You're blocked. And once that block is gone, you can operate from love. Love creates great relationships, great marriages, great teams, great products. You're not operating from that space. You're operating from ego. And you wonder why you're burned out. You wonder why you're in a business that's literally suffocating you. The walls are closing in on something that you created, something that you love. You have a love-hate relationship with your business. How do I know? Because I've been there. I've been there. And then the third phase is the emerge phase. This is where you rise out of the ashes, bro, to take a new form, to become somebody different. This is about activating your new identity, redeeming your dignity. And experiencing your true power. This is about experience, integration, atonement. It's about correcting and, and, and healing the damage that's been caused in the relationships. It's about embodying. What are you modeling? Are you the ex— being the example, being above reproach? Stop comparing yourself to the next guy, the The whole point is that you're supposed to live radical. You're supposed to be a different guy. And like I said, when as men we neglect the inside, right? When we neglect the inside, which we do as men, look around, how many men are neglecting the inside? And guess what, guys? Guess what, gentlemen? Guess what, brothers? Number 1, you can't fix the inside from the outside. You got to go inside. You got to go inside yourself. Number 1. Number 2. Number 2. If you want to hide greatness from a man, if you want to hide greatness from a man, you know where you hide it from him? Hide it within him. You know why? Because he'll spend his whole entire life searching for it outside of himself, and he'll never, never find it. You want to hide greatness from a man, hide it within him, because he'll spend his whole entire life searching for it outside of himself and never find it. This is about investing in yourself. This is about giving yourself what you always deserved. It's not about— this isn't— the byproduct is a healthier marriage, man. The byproduct is being a better father. The byproduct is being a better leader. The byproduct is having a better relationship with my employees. That's the byproduct. Being connected, right, to my God-given potential. Not avoiding the pitfalls and pain anymore. Life is about collecting scars. Shit ain't about feeling good all the time. It's about walking through the fire, doing what is difficult, not what feels good. Doing what is difficult, not what feels good. What is success and freedom anyway? Guys, success and freedom isn't doing what you want to do or what you feel like doing. That's a juvenile perspective. And you know what? I used to have that same perspective too. I used to think that success and freedom was that I would do whatever I wanted to do, sipping Mai Tais on a beach, until I realized that's not success, that's not freedom. It's your ability to do what's right, to have discipline in your life, to have meaningful relationships, because money can't buy you that. Meaningful relationships. All the money in the world can't buy you that. I'm talking about meaningful connections. You want to go and get your rocks off? Sure, money can buy you that all day. I'm talking about deep, meaningful connections with other human beings, people you trust that aren't transactional like that. Connecting to the deepest part of you. And again, it's about not— it's about doing things that don't distract you and doing what helps you to be the example. It's about rising as a leader and guiding your team, guiding your children, and guiding your family, guiding your wife. That's true freedom. That's true success. That's legacy. That's the real flex. Lamborghini, wads of money, nice clothes. That's not the flex. You know what the real flex is? When your wife looks at you like a fucking knight in shining armor. That's the real flex. That's the real flex. When you walk in the door and your kids are like, yes, yes, my dad's here, yes! That's the real flex. On Christmas Day, we don't need to have to make up for everything, everything you did during the year by buying a bunch of shit. That's the real flex. When just your presence alone lifts your family up, that's the real flex. All that other stuff is what we call overcompensation. You're trying to make up for something that you're lacking, fixing the inside from the outside. Never works. Never works. Some of you guys think that success is doing whatever you wanted to do, and instead it's about doing what honors the people who depend on you. It's about doing what honors the people that depend on you, that rely on you. It's about doing what, what is the right thing to do. And oftentimes the right thing to do doesn't always feel good. Oh, I gotta talk to my wife about it. I gotta talk to my— and then you wonder why you're stuck in the situation. Yours— your wife doesn't want a needy man, and your wife doesn't want a man who can't make decisions. You're supposed to lead, bro. That means you need to decide. It means you need to take action. All the men in my program, that's what they do. They become decisive leaderships. They take leaders. They take action. They're not wasting time procrastinating, investing in themselves, putting it off. And you would think that most successful guys would understand this, and to some degree they get to the point where eventually they do. And that's why your family life might feel hollow and your heart posture isn't one of openness, because You've used your business to create your identity instead of having your identity create your business. Let me say that again. You used your identity, you used your business to create your identity. You used everything on the outside to create your identity instead of using your identity to create your business. So who am I when I'm not working? Who am I when I'm not staying busy and I just have to be present for 5 seconds and look my wife in the eyes and look my kids in the eyes and check in with them and ask them how they're feeling? That's the downshift, man. That's like one of our biggest weakest points. That's how we become a multidimensional leader. And that's power. That's true power, man. True power. The real flex is how do people feel when they're around you? How do people leave your presence when you're not around? Are people better off because of that? A lot of guys, their kids are on the verge of having to go to therapy. Because they just won't slow the fuck down and be present. Because they want your identity. But the sad part is your identity is wrapped up in what you've created. What'd you create? You created this machine that's literally so big it's consuming everything in its wake and spitting it out in shreds. There goes your family photos smashed on the ground. The thing that you work so hard to create and the very thing that my identity is wrapped up in that I created that I thought was going to help me provide for my family is suffocating and strangling my relationships. You need to downshift, brother. You need to not live in the fear of losing your success. Stop living in the fear of losing your success. How did you get to where you're at? You need to deal with the insecurities that you feel that don't allow you to delegate. A lot of you guys, you don't delegate. You don't delegate anything. Why? Because the delegation, or the absence of the delegation, is all about control. But it's not about control of your business. It's about controlling your identity because your identity is wrapped up in your business. So it's control of my identity because my identity is no longer who I am. It's who I am inside this thing I created and who I'd be without it, without what I've built. It's the double-edged sword, man. Being consumed by a business that you love and hate because it helped build and provide the very thing that you can't protect from it. Your family. But I provide, but I provide, but I provide. I know everybody's clear about that. And here's the thing, no one's taking that away from you, man. You've done amazing, and you should be extremely proud of yourself for what you've built and what you've created for your family. But there's a whole nother barren wasteland as a part of your life. You got a ripe field that needs to be tilled, that needs to have seeds planted so you can have low-hanging fruit. Fruit, brother, is something that is grown, something that is tended to. The opportunity for you to have fruit— what's that fruit? Intimacy. What's that fruit? A better sex life. What's that fruit? Amazing times with my family. What's that fruit? Happiness and peace. What's that fruit? Better communication. What's that fruit? Peace of mind, not having to trip out and worry what my wife is doing because I know that I'm not pouring into this marriage. What's the fruit? It's like, that's the fruit. And inevitably I realized that none of that is external. It's all internal. It's all comes with what? A feeling. So the irony is, is it really things on the external that I want, or is it the feeling I think those things are going to give me? And is my escape behavior, all the little vices that I use to escape this problem right now, what is that even really about? It's about a feeling. And what if I told you you could get that from your relationship? What if I told you right now you could get that By investing into yourself on the inside. Inside Out Method. And again, guys, this is why we don't work with anybody. We only work with men who are committed, who are ready to take the initiative, ready to take the step. If you're one of those men, you're ready to take the initiative, you're ready to take the step, there's a link in my bio. There's a link in my bio right now. Book a call with me. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about if you're ready to take the step, if you're ready to stop procrastinating, making excuses, and living in the gray area. Because let me tell you right now, I lived in the gray area for a lot of years. Most men live quiet lives of desperation until they end up getting to a position where they realize I need help. And guess what, brother? Asking for help is one of the most responsible things you could ever do as a man. Doesn't mean you're weak. Doesn't mean you're less than. Doesn't mean you're less than any other man. In fact, that's the true sign of strength and power. Vulnerability will mold you into iron, man. You got to know that. And let me tell you, iron sharpens iron. Iron sharpens iron. Are you around people that are wood? Does wood sharpen iron? Hanging around your boys, are they— are you being sharpened by other men? Who are you around? Who do you spend time with, bro? Get with a solid group of individuals and watch how your life changes. So again, If you're interested in learning more, you could type info in the comments. Somebody from my team will reach out to you. Man, I want this for you guys. I tell you guys all the time, man, call me crazy. I like to see you guys succeed. Call me crazy. I like to see you guys succeed. I love to see you guys succeed, man. I love seeing guys in the program get breakthrough. It's amazing. Why? Because I love seeing people break through. It's my passion. It's my purpose. It's the calling that God put on my life. And check it out, if this is calling you, if you're ready to change, reach out to me. Reach out to me. I want to work with you. I want to help you, but only if you're committed. I don't want to work with anybody who's not willing to go all in like I am in terms of helping you out. All right, love and respect, guys. Type info in the comments or you can send me a message privately, right? And we'll connect. All right, love and respect. Stay strong and invest in yourself. Please also take advantage of all the resources in my bio. All the links are in my bio. Please take advantage of the free resources we got, guys. Please take advantage of the free resources. You can find the free resources inside of my bio. Okay, please take advantage of those, guys. All right, please. There's a link inside my bio if you'd like to learn more about our private program. Please reach out, guys. All right, love and respect. Stay strong. I'll see you guys next week.