Tim Arrigo argues that men suffer needlessly by hiding their feelings instead of asking for help. He compares emotional struggles to calling a plumber when your pipes break: you wouldn't fix it alone, so why suffer through mental health issues in silence.
Most men believe that feeling emotions, sharing emotions, and owning what's going on with them makes them weak. But let me ask you a question, brother. If a brother came to you and he was struggling and he was suffering and he opened up with you about that, would you judge him? Would you judge him? And see, a lot of times we're afraid to open up because we fear the judgment. We got that fear of rejection, like other people are going to look at me like I'm less of a man. But what's easier? Is it easier to bury it, or is it easier to talk about it? Because we know every day of the week it's way harder to reveal how we feel than it is to bury it. And so if, if you saw your brother struggling and suffering and he needed your help, you wouldn't judge him for that. You would offer it. You would, you would notice too that in giving there is receiving, because you're able to help him. You're able to feel the value and the sense of purpose that comes from that. And if you did see somebody else that judged your brother in a time of need, in a time of struggle, what would you say about that person? What deep, dark, insecure place would it come from in another man where he would need to judge another man for his personal struggles that we all go through? See, the problem is the judgment and the criticism that as men we, we put on ourselves for, for needing to express how we feel, to get it out, to unpack it. We can't conquer what we don't confront. And so many of us, we live quiet lives of desperation. Dragging around this ball and chain which takes us inevitably to an early death because we're so stressed. Suffering in silence was never meant to be like this, bro. There's power in your story and there's power in vulnerability. Iron sharpens iron. One man sharpens the countenance of another man. That's his facial expression. When you support another human being, you help— you helped him lift up his posture to rise again to fight another battle. And see, so much fear and trepidation causes us to not open up. But let me tell you this: where there is empathy, shame struggles to exist. See, if you're shameful about something and you're afraid to open up about it, and somebody else gives you empathy, they give you emotional understanding, like, hey man, I've been there too, brother, I've been there too, and I know what you're going through, the shame that you felt about it is significantly reduced by the empathy that they offered you. Shame and empathy are like oil and water. They have a hard time existing at the same place at the same time. You're not alone in your struggles, but you can't keep bottling it up because you can only fit so much in here. And eventually what's going to happen is you're going to implode or you're going to explode. So next time you're going through a struggle Reach out. There's nothing mature about suppressing how you're feeling. The most responsible thing you could ever do as an adult is ask for help when you need it. If you had an electrical problem that you couldn't fix on your own, you would call an electrician. If you had a plumbing problem that you couldn't fix on your own, you would call a plumber. But why, when we have internal issues with the inner workings of our own personal life, why do we not ask for help? Oftentimes because of the stigma and the stereotype that surrounds men's mental health. We need to eliminate this and support one another. So if you see somebody struggling today, Reach out for help because you might be the blessing that, that person prayed for.
