A speaker tells men that holding resentment toward their wives keeps them stuck and gives control of their lives to past hurt. He calls forgiveness "dialysis for the soul" and argues that letting go restores power, improves marriage, and frees you to move forward.
Do you realize the message that you unconsciously send your spouse when you hold resentment towards her and you don't forgive her? Think about why she acted the way that she did. If you really think about why she does the things that she does, you would realize it's because it comes from a fractured part in her. Where she feels like she's not enough. She feels unloved. And so by not forgiving her and by holding resentment towards her and by mistreating her, you are still sending her back the same exact message. Hey honey, why I'm not forgiving you is because you're not enough. And no matter what you do, what you say, how you act, It's not enough. And so here you are dangling the proverbial carrot on the end of the stick, hoping that your wife will change one day and then you'll forgive her. And I want to ask you, brother, do real strong empowered men hold grudges in their heart? Do they allow people to hold power over them? Because that's what you're doing. You're allowing something from the past to rent space in your head, and you're trying to weaponize the past against your wife. And then you're wondering why your life is getting destroyed, because that's a form of self-sabotage. Think about that. Holding resentment towards your wife, holding a grudge towards your wife only inhibits your ability to connect with her, and you're still wanting something from her. See, forgiveness is like dialysis for your soul and spirit. It's holy medicine. And forgiving doesn't mean that I'm okay with what happened. What it means is that I'm no longer held captive. I'm no longer enslaved by the pain that created the wound that I have. And see, forgiving somebody means that I value my sanity, my mental and emotional health. I value my peace more than the way that somebody mistreated me. And see, it's a real power move for you to learn how to forgive, because brother, check it out, look in the mirror. Look in the mirror. You don't think that you have things that you need to be forgiven for? What are you waiting for? You're holding on to something because why? It gives you a false sense of control. Oh, I'll forgive when I decide that the time is right. Anytime I don't like anything and it gets uncomfortable for me, I'll just bring up the past again. And you're dragging the ball and chain of your past into your future, sabotaging your marriage, sabotaging your relationship, and shooting yourself in the foot because you want to connect, but your lack of forgiveness prevents you from doing that. So let me ask you, If you hold the keys to your emotional incarceration and the freedom that you can create in your own life from doing that, from letting, letting it go, moving on, moving forward in your life, but you stay imprisoned and enslaved by the negative emotions and the grudge and the resentment that you hold. Let me ask you, brother, who's really got control of your life? Because all the resentment in the world that you hold on to isn't going to allow you to be happy and free. And sometimes you have to create a clean slate. Sometimes you have to learn to start over. And the reality is I'm not starting from scratch with my wife. I'm starting from experience, but I have to let all that go. I wish you knew how a lack of forgiveness and resentment —could turn to peace and acceptance. And you know what's beautiful about that peace? People don't know how hard you had to fight for it. And that's the most powerful thing ever, is when you walk around confident in your own mind, where you're like, I'm not giving my power away to people, places, and things anymore. You know why? Cuz those things, those people, they don't know how hard I fought for the peace I earned.
