A man addresses husbands who feel trapped in their marriages, arguing that blaming your wife keeps you powerless. Own your part in the dysfunction instead. Taking responsibility for why you chose this relationship and what you tolerated shifts control back to you.
So I got a question for you, brother. You're telling me that you can go from a place of love and connection and intimacy and romance and passion in your marriage to this, where you are right now, struggling, disconnected, feeling like roommates, speaking a different language, resentment, emotional distance that's built up over time, no intimacy. You're telling me you can go from there to here? And you have no part in it. It's unbelievable to me and mind-blowing to me how guys continue to put themselves in a position of being a victim, blaming the external world and creating these generalizations about women as if, as if somehow that justifies the position they're in. No, bro, there's nuances to your story. And guess what? You got a part in it. You got a part in it. Yes, you have a part in it. We always have a part. And if you're not willing to look at your part, which I wasn't willing to do for a lot of years, I can tell you, and a lot of brothers in the academy weren't willing to do it either. But once you're able to look at your part, that's when everything changes, because that's when you realize blaming the external always puts you in a position of powerless— powerlessness. You could never solve anything because it was never in your control. If you blamed it. But once you look in the mirror and you take radical responsibility and accountability for where you're at and the changes you need to make, that's when everything changes for you. You're not a guy that makes himself a victim. You're not a guy that wants to sit back. And here's the reality. Even through these marital issues, even if you moved on, even if the marriage didn't work out, you still have some soul searching to do. Why were you in that relationship to begin with? Why were you attracted to that? Why did you tolerate that? Why did you participate in it? Why did you exacerbate it? And what has it taken from you over the years? In order to be in a dysfunctional relationship, we gotta be dysfunctional to some degree, brother. And that's a hard pill to swallow, especially when it's very hard for us to recognize that we've contributed to it because we don't want to look at our part. But bro, check out this free training I just released. It's gonna help you see your part. You have a part in it. Let me tell you right now, we always have a part in problems in our life inside relationships. Nobody shackled you to that relationship, bro. Nobody handcuffed you to that relationship, okay? You are 50% responsible for relationships that you keep and that you choose to be in. So what I'm telling you is take responsibility of your part because that will free you free you from the anger, the animosity, the unforgiveness, the pain, the resentment, all of it, and put you back into a position of power, strength, peace, and purpose again in your life.
