A man's wife cheated, but the affair is a symptom, not the disease. When couples avoid hard conversations and deny their declining feelings, one partner escapes into fantasy. The real problem is the years of silence before anyone had the courage to say something was wrong.
So brother, when somebody is in a relationship where they're unhappy, where they're disconnected, where they're not happy, and they're having feelings for other people in that relationship, healthy people don't go and commit adultery to blow up their marriage. Healthy people say, hey, we need to talk. I'm feeling this type of way. I'm falling out of love with you. I'm not having feelings towards you. We need to work on our marriage. What I'm going to tell you is that this situation of your wife committing adultery is the tip of the iceberg. What's underneath it is the denial, the evasion, the avoidance, the unwillingness to confront what's uncomfortable inside of her, the unwillingness to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, the unwillingness, right, to actually acknowledge and work through these things and instead escape into a fantasy, an idealized reality which allows her to— what allows her to live in a state of denial and evasion and avoidance, which I'm gonna say it is impossible for your wife to just randomly enter that state. That had to have been a pattern, which you've already indicated it was a pattern. So what if the disconnection and the feeling of disconnection that you felt wasn't necessarily one-sided? What if The disconnection that you felt was also a byproduct of her being disconnected from you, not being honest with you, and that, and that coming to fruition through the infidelity later on. Because nobody who is healthy, who has high self-esteem, high self-worth, dignity and integrity, and operates in a state of morals and character virtues like honor and valor and courage and respect and nobility loyalty and honesty would ever go and commit adultery before they ended the marriage.
