Tim Arrigo talks to men about marriage, arguing that when you focus on self-improvement and serving your wife instead of playing the victim, she'll naturally give you the affirmation and appreciation you're looking for.
You want to know the best feeling in the world? Best feeling in the world is when you walk downstairs in the morning and your wife looks directly at you, right in the eyes, and your wife smiles and says, honey, I love my life. I love my life. I love being with you. I love you so much. Every single day I fall more and more in love with you. You know that's what you've been waiting for, right? And see, money can't buy you that. Money can't buy you deep, intimate connection like that with your wife? How do you create a dynamic marriage? How do you create a powerful marriage? Is by becoming an ever-improving version of you. See, what are you chasing? What are you pursuing? Are you pursuing the things out in the world? Are you— or are you pursuing a better version of you? Best feeling you could ever get in your life is when your wife looks directly in your eyes and she says, "There's nobody I'd ever want to be with other than you. I've never been more in love in my entire life other than when I'm with you. You are the man of my dreams. You make me feel so amazing about myself. And when I'm in your presence, I feel like I'm the only person in the world." Nothing on this planet will ever make you feel more of a man than when you're in that type of experience and exchange with your wife. So my question is, why are you emasculating yourself? Why are you dwindling your own self-confidence and your own self-esteem by not pouring into your marriage so your wife is wanting to reciprocate words of affirmation like that? Because you know, and I know, that as men, our love language is words of affirmation. You know what it does when your wife tells you something positive about yourself, when your wife, right, pours into you like that. But how could your wife pour into you from an empty well, a dry well that's dried up over the years because you put nothing into that relationship? You put nothing into your wife. How, how is that ever going to happen? You are sabotaging your own life, your own marriage, by not pouring into your wife. You should be speaking over your wife words of appreciation. Tell her how much you value her. Why are you not doing this? Why are you burning down your marriage and then blaming your wife like a victim? What I'm not getting in the marriage, what I'm not receiving, what my wife should be. So selfish, bro. That's because you don't pursue being a better version of you, because you— so you got nothing left to give. Your cup isn't overflowing, so what can you pour into your wife? That's not the man that you know you should be, where it's all about you. What can you do for me? And what I'm not getting, and what I'm not receiving, and what my wife owes me. You need to take on a mentality of servant leadership. That's what leaders do. They build up the people around them. They don't tear them down. So never try to call yourself a leader if the people around you don't want to follow you because they don't like where you're taking them. And don't ever try to call yourself a leader if the people around you don't feel better in your presence.
