A man argues that husbands who seek validation from their wives create resentment and control dynamics. Instead, he says men should build discipline, consistency, and integrity to become better leaders. Self-control and personal growth, not external control, resolve marital tension.
I know I'm going to piss a lot of people off with this one, but I got to say it. Your wife is not your mother. I see so many guys inside relationships where they feel like they're being controlled, where they don't have autonomy and freedom, where they don't have any independence. They feel stifled. They're resentful towards their wife. They walk on eggshells. They people-please. They placate. All because they treat their wife like they're their mother. You don't need to seek validation from your wife. You don't need approval from your wife of every decision you're going to make. You don't need your wife to regulate your feelings for you. You don't need to make your wife responsible for how you feel. You know what you need to do? Be a better leader. Because your leadership, your discipline, your consistency, your daily habits, the way you live your life, your morality, your integrity— all those things are going to speak for themselves, and they're going to naturally ground your wife. Your wife does not want to be the leader. She does not want to be the alpha. So how many guys struggle because they're not being good leaders. There's been many times in my life where the struggles of my life, I could have pointed to the external and said, well, this is the problem. But the reality was it was always because I wasn't leading. It was always because I wasn't being a good leader, period. So what I'm telling you, if you're struggling with this, your wife is not your mom, number one. Number two, where can you level up in your leadership? Because your leadership is going to naturally take you out of a place where you feel emasculated, low confidence, low self-esteem, low self-worth. When you start investing in you, when you a better leader again. When you get back your discipline, your edge, your daily habits, your grind, your passion, the mission that you had, right? When you were a man on a mission, when you're living in that space, that's a guy that can't be controlled. He can't. That's a guy that is, is uncontrollable in all the best ways. So get back the controllables. You can control your attitude, you can control your effort, you can control your discipline, you can control your urges, you can control yourself. Self-control. What is self- control. Doing something despite the fact I know I don't have to do it, and not doing something despite the fact that I know I could. You have self-control in you. God didn't give you a spirit of fear. He gave you a spirit of power, love, and self-control. Self-discipline. Execute on that.
