After infidelity, one partner struggles to stop externalizing blame through bargaining and rationalization. They grapple with whether they can become the actualized version of themselves their partner needs, and whether holding onto an idealized vision of family keeps them trapped in pain.
And the real question is, how is somebody who externalizes, bargains, blames, who intellectualizes, rationalizes, and justifies committing adultery on their— on the person they're married to— how does somebody who does that, how does being in a relationship with that person and having those behavioral patterns unaddressed leave you susceptible to more pain in the future?
Absolutely, man, which is why I was like, man, I need to ask Tim, like, have you ever seen someone do enough work? Like how you said your most actualized version standing at the mountaintop, like, can she meet you there? And that's what's hard, man. It's like, I fully see how wounded she is and how she's saying to me, well, hurt people hurt people. So you hurt me. You know, you're like, oh, you aren't hurt.
Like, really?
And yeah, man, I guess I think I've also just had a hard time letting go of my family, man, and the vision that I had of my family.
We need to ask yourself, is that vision— is that vision that you had for your family, right? Again, what is that about? Is that about some idealized family dynamic that I needed to accomplish for some reason in my life as a way to achieve some bar? Or to check a box? Because if so, that might be the reason why I'm even in this situation.
