Internal Family Systems teaches that suppressing painful inner parts backfires, like pushing down a beach ball. Instead, recognize them as legitimate pieces of yourself tied to past experiences, treat them with compassion, and learn to manage them rather than expect them to vanish.
This is a part of you, okay? So what you need to stop doing is fighting with it. You need to stop wrestling with it, okay? It's like— and I give this analogy of a beach ball, right? Imagine you're in the water with a beach ball, right? And the beach ball is representative of this part of you that doesn't feel like he's worthy or valuable unless other people provide him validation, recognition, accolades and attaboy, right? So there's this part of you that seeks validation, okay? There's this part of you that doesn't feel like he's enough. Stop fighting with that part of you. Just recognize it as a part of you. It's called parts work, right? It's what's called— it's part of what's called internal family systems. It's parts work. So this is a part of you. It's just a piece of who you are, and it's more relevant to your past than it is relevant to your present day or for your future. So the first part is, it's like if you try to submerge this beach ball underneath the water, it's just going to pop right back up to the surface. And every time that you wrestle with it, you expend more energy and it just pops right back up to the surface. So recognize that this is a part of you, but just don't come into agreement with this part of you. So just recognize, hey, there's a part of me that feels like he's not enough. That's normal. I'm not going to fight with that part of me. I'm just not going to give it as much attention as much power than it really deserves. I'm not going to put all my energy, all my attention, all my focus on fighting this part of me to make it go away, because it's a part of what's called your shadow. Yeah, right. So it's a part of your shadow self. So don't, don't fight with it. Don't wrestle with it. Don't, don't, don't do any of that. Because what in essence you're actually doing is you're telling that part of you that you don't want to listen to it, and you're telling it to just go away. Okay, I'll admit that you're there if you just go away forever and never come back. Right. And that's a lot of times our, our belief in what healing looks like, right? That basically I have these beliefs that are just going to go away permanently and they're never going to come back. And the healed, quote unquote, optimized, self-actualized, self-realized version, version of me is a version of me that never thinks these thoughts again. Not true, man. Not true. This is just a part of you. It's a part of you that you have to learn to live with, you have to learn to deal with, and you have to learn how to manage. First part is understanding that it's there, so you already got a victory there. The second part is to stop wrestling with it, stop feeding it, stop giving it so much attention, and just recognize that it's kind of your cross to bear through this life. It's something that you're gonna have to struggle with and you're gonna have to manage. And the more that you manage it, the easier it becomes in overcoming it. But don't try to make it just go away forever, because in essence you're kind of judging it, and instead of inviting it in and learning how to integrate it into your life and work with it. So eliminate self-criticism in your dealing with it, and stop wrestling with it and fighting with it, because it's a part of who you are. It's not the entirety of who you are, it's just a part of who you are. So when it shows up there's that part of you, right? As that part of you shows up, you just recognize it. You go, hey, there it is again. But I don't come into agreement with that. I know where that comes from. I know what part of that that is. I know where it derives from. And that's a self-narrative and a belief system that is from my past. It doesn't contribute to what I do today or how I'm gonna live my life in the future. That's number one. So that's the first step. Okay? Does that make sense? Got it. Yes. Okay, so basically what I'm saying is developing a compassionate relationship with yourself, right, that's based on awareness, compassion, integration, right, and the ability for you to just invite that part of you in. Don't wrestle or fight with it like the beach ball. Just let it float. Hey, there it is over by the pier. Hey, there it is over on the shoreline. Hey, you know, Just don't come into agreement with it and don't fight with it.
