Moving On After Betrayal

So you wish you would have woken up to the betrayal, past betrayal, its effect on you, feeling disconnected in the marriage, and feeling fear.

Yeah, because then I would have made different choices, man, and wouldn't— hopefully wouldn't be here right now, man, because this place is— no one deserves this, man. And it just— never in a million years would I thought she'd do something like this, even though I recognized red flags that were there. I bypassed, but like, I figured nothing else out of our friendship, knowing each other as long as we have, never in a million years would I have assumed my wife would do something like this. May I ask you this? Why do you think she did it? She was so unhappy with herself, with us. I think she's been going through postpartum for a while. Being pregnant twice within 2 years was a lot on her. Her age, and I've been trying to get her help, and she feels like I was acting like a therapist to her and trying to diagnose her when I could just tell that she wasn't doing good. And every time I would address it, she'd make it about the boys and mom guilt and struggling as mom.

What if I told you that even if you were aware of past betrayals, aware of disconnection, and aware of the fear that you felt and you took proactive measures to address those things, the same outcome still happened. Let's just say that's true. Then what?

Then I would be able to leave. I would be able to be like, okay, I did everything I could to show her and showed up as the best father and husband I could. And then I think at that point it would be easier to be like, okay, this is her choice.

Yeah, see, there's your problem right there. That's your problem, is that you believe that your actions justified her behavior.