Tim Arrigo argues that you can't expect your spouse to make you happy. Happiness comes from your own progress and responsibility, not from what your partner does or doesn't do. Blaming your wife for your unhappiness means you've given up your power in the relationship.
Oh, Tim, but I'm entitled to happiness and my wife just isn't providing it. And so that's your justification and that's your excuse to live in a suboptimal state with a marriage that's far below par and far below the standard that you deserve? Yeah, you deserve happiness. But nobody else is responsible for making you happy other than yourself. Somebody else is not responsible for making you happy. Happiness comes from solving problems. Happiness comes from progress. You step on the scale, you lost a pound, you get off the scale and you're happy. You go to the gym for the first time, you lift some heavy weights, you come home, you got your shirt off in the mirror and you're flexing in the mirror and you're smiling. And all you got is a little post-pump, a little blood flow, and you're smiling and you're happy because you're progressing. Happiness is directly correlated to progress. And here's the problem: nobody's responsible for the progress in your marriage, in your relationship, more than you. And yeah, we could sit back and we could say there's two sides to a marriage, it takes both people. You know what that is? That's an excuse for people to stay stuck in the situation they're in. As a leader, I don't wait for somebody else to take action to make me happy. I don't wait for somebody else to take action to make me happy with my life. I take action on my life because my life and the way I live my life, I'm responsible for that. Victims blame the world for why they're unhappy. Victims blame their wife for why they're unhappy. Victims do that. And you're either a victim or you're an owner. You're either a victim or you're a leader. You're either a victim or you're empowered. And you— the day that you choose to look around and say, you know what, I created this, because if I'm going to credit myself for every good thing that happened in my life, every good thing that I created for my family, then why aren't I willing to credit myself for every single thing that I've destroyed? What is that about? That's about your ego. That's about your denial. That's about the walls of self-deception and you believing that you're somehow a success and that your wife should basically answer to your beck and call. Oh, I'm unhappy because my wife— and then you look around at what you could have and the options that you think you could have, but that's not validation of who you are as a man. You think some other younger girl Or you think some other person who'd be more compatible with you in this state is somehow validation of your success? No, brother, that's validation of your brokenness. Because you got a good woman that you married, you got a good woman that stood by your side when you were at your worst. You're tripping.
