Two people discuss why no marriage is perfect, using a real fight about closet help as an example. One partner got upset, the other didn't take it personally and recognized the stress underneath. The key: emotional intelligence and repair after conflict, not attacking the person.
We do not have a perfect marriage, but we have a healthy marriage.
Stuff happens to everybody. It's how you react after these things happen. These things happen to everybody, even the healthiest people in the world who had the best childhoods, and all this stuff happens. But it's, it's the reaction. It's what comes after.
It's the repair. And a lot of times we could both be stressed. You want to share about the closet?
Yeah, I asked him to help me put something on the top shelf in the closet, and he wasn't doing it the way I wanted him to do it, and I was getting pissed off and I was nasty to him, he just walks out of the room and walks away without saying anything.
And then she came downstairs and she said, "Ah, I'm just—" And I said, "It's okay, I know that you're stressed." I didn't take it personal.
I said, "I know you probably got something going on." And then I said, "Yeah, our son had just peed on the floor about 5 minutes earlier." And I said, "I had just cleaned that up and just the kids in general." And so He did not take that personal that I yelled at him for how he was, and I was pretty nasty. It was bad attitude, and he didn't take it personal. He just walked away because he was able to see, to have the emotional intelligence that, okay, she's, there's something going on with her. And a lot of times I do that to him where I'm like, oh, I know his back's really flaring up right now, or I know he's super stressed, and it's like, that's what it is. It's not this thing that's happening in this situation. Like there's a lot behind that.
Yes, we have to stop and we have to recognize. It's like, are you attacking the person or are you attacking the problem?
