Tim Arrigo reflects on displacing anger onto loved ones and how he couldn't respect himself for it. He emphasizes personal accountability, honest self-reflection, and improving self-care through diet, exercise, and social support instead of staying stuck in victimhood.
If there's one thing that I used to do that I could never respect myself for now, it's the fact that I used to take out my anger on the people around me that were closest to me that I loved. This is called displacement. It's like a guy that comes home pissed off and angry because he's really hurt and afraid and he kicks his dog as he walks through the front door. Or a guy that comes home from work and he's so stressed out that he takes out his anger on his kids and wife. This is the epitome of weakness. You're taking out your anger on a less threatening target because you don't want to take it out on yourself. You don't want to be accountable. You don't want to have that real raw and honest conversation with the man in the mirror. And I know because I was you. Lost, broken, trying to use everything on the outside to numb and fix everything on the inside. You can't fix the inside from the outside. You can only fix the inside from the inside. So 10 years ago, before I actually started doing the work on myself and before I started working with thousands of people all across the country, I used to do exactly that. I used to take out my anger on the people closest to me, and it made me feel worse about myself because I only inevitably ended up hurting the people that were closest to me that wanted to help me. And then I ended up so isolated and alone. And the only real reason I ever used to do this is to try to get the people that were healthy and that loved me further away so I didn't have to feel a sense of shame and guilt by the fact that I was letting them down. You know, hurt people hurt people. And when you hurt people in your life, if you got a heart, if you truly do care underneath that mask of I don't care, underneath that mask of I don't really give a fuck, reality is you do. You do. I know you do. Beneath that mask is a caring, loving, compassionate, genuine individual who wants good things in life. As I've said before, you're tired of being the bad guy when you just want to be a good man. Stop taking out your anger on the people closest to you and start having an honest and real conversation with yourself in the mirror. You call it negative self-talk. I call it being honest with yourself. Yeah, you're not living up to par. You're not living up to your potential. Yeah, you're falling short. And I'm going to say this: if you're taking out your anger on the people around you, it's probably because your self-care routine is garbage. You probably don't exercise. You probably don't eat right. You probably don't take care of yourself at all. And you probably definitely don't have somebody that you're talking to. So let's go through this. So your diet is garbage. You don't exercise. You don't open up about what's going on with you. You don't, you don't have any sense of support group or anybody, any sense of camaraderie in your life. No sense of brotherhood in your life. You're using vices as an escape. You're on your phone multiple hours a day doing nothing, just screen sucking. And you're surprised that you're depressed? You're surprised. You're surprised that you're bitter and angry. You're surprised that you're in this state. Stop acting like a victim and that you don't know how to change it. Get on a team with some individuals that can actually help you, because here's the deal: it doesn't matter whether or not you work with me. I mean, what matters is that you get the help. And in my coaching program, though, where I work with thousands of clients over the last 10 years, my main goal with every individual is to help them unpack the things that they're carrying around. It's like cinder blocks in a backpack. You got to learn to stop walking around with that weight. You want to know why you're tired, why you're fatigued, why you're lethargic? It's because you're carrying around a bunch of stuff that isn't yours to carry anymore. It's time to bury the hatchet. It's time to leave those things, the old mentality and the old wounds, where they belong— in the past.
