Tim Arrigo tells a client his last relationship failed because he wasn't fully authentic. Real love requires 100% vulnerability, and an inauthentic version of yourself can't sustain a partnership. His fear of abandonment actually created the distance he was trying to avoid.
the willingness to put myself in a state where I could be abandoned. Because what am I looking for? I'm looking for my partner. I'm looking for somebody to do life with. And that is going to require me to be 100% authentic. The real me has to shine through, or the relationship will never succeed, and I will inevitably be subjected to the abandonment. How did your last girl that you were with up and leave. What were you not doing? Well, it had nothing— had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her and her old traumas. Yeah, true issues. She had walked out. But you did have your part, which was what? I, I had triggered trust issues in her. Okay, let me ask you this: were you authentic and vulnerable in that relationship? Absolutely, I was. Yeah, you were. I was somewhat, yeah. Okay, from beginning to end, from inception, right, to the desecration of the relationship, were you 100% vulnerable and authentic? Yes or no? No. No. There's your answer. So basically, you created the outcome that you were afraid of by not being authentic. And when the real you finally showed up, when the real you finally showed up at the end of the relationship, it was already over. Because guess what? In, in, in inauthentic version of you is not compatible with the love of your life. An inauthentic version of you is not compatible with the love of your life.
