Rediscovering Joy in Your Marriage

A gentleman reached out to me last night and he said, Tim, I'm really interested in joining the Total Breakthrough Academy. And he said, but I just don't know if it's right for me because I think my wife's behaviors are too great to overcome. And I said to him, let me ask you this. I said, is your wife's behaviors, are they too great to overcome? Or is your self-doubt, your limiting beliefs, your fear, your self-defeated attitude your cynicism, the pessimism, and the skepticism the thing that you're really having difficulty overcoming? Because sometimes the problem isn't the problem itself, it's the way we perceive the problem. And if I perceive the problem as to be something that will never change, then I never put forth the effort to actually make a change. And I'd rather walk away from the situation than engage in battle to try to— what? Fight for my marriage. If you don't think the enemy wants you on the sideline, in the fetal position, in the corner with your marriage completely destroyed, you got another thing coming, brother. This is a battle that requires you to show up. It requires you to look inside yourself, prioritize your inner conflict, and realize the seeds that you've sown inside your marriage. What has grown inside your marriage is what you've watered, what you fertilized. And what has died inside your marriage is what you haven't tended to, what you haven't nurtured, what you haven't poured into, and what you haven't paid attention to. You feel like you don't know your wife anymore because you spend zero time becoming curious. You're more defensive than you are curious. You're not interested anymore. You're not interested in learning. You've gotten a state of stagnation inside your relationship, and that stagnation has led to what? The mindset that it will always be like this and my wife's behaviors are too great for us to overcome. Well, maybe your wife is just in survival mode, and maybe your wife has become overly protective of herself, and maybe your wife has been hurt inside this relationship so that she walls off and that she remains guarded because she won't open herself up. To you anymore. So you're no longer that man in her life because you fractured that trust, which needs to be rebuilt. You need to hear that from your wife, that she doesn't trust you anymore. You don't even trust you anymore. You don't even trust in your marriage anymore. You're saying that my wife's problems are too great to overcome. Look at your attitude. Look at your mindset. You think the problem is external. It's an internal issue. You've forgotten the power of what led you to a beautiful marriage in the first place. Did you get on your knee when you proposed believing that your wife's problems were too great to overcome if she had them? In sickness and in health. If you're in a moment of sickness that requires you to nurse your marriage back into health, so you doubt the ability of perseverance, you doubt the ability of determination, resilience, grit. And putting in the work to repair this damage. Yes, this is going to take work. Yes, it's going to take sacrifice. Yes, it's going to take a positive attitude, and it's going to take the willingness and the tools and skills and frameworks that we provide inside the Total Breakthrough Academy for you to achieve that result. It's not dead and gone. It can be resuscitated, but it needs you to be present and ready and emotionally available and fully prepared to do that work. Your apathy is killing you. Stop turning your wife's issues into Mount Everest and start to look at what are you doing in terms of your lack of consistency and being intentional and being deliberate. Your inconsistency makes her insecure. So when you exhibit self-discipline in certain areas, your wife is naturally going to trust you again because you become undeniable. And when you live above reproach, guess what? The finger can't be pointed at you as much. So are her behaviors too great for you to overcome, or is your own inability to recognize how you are a reflection of those behaviors too great for you to overcome? That's the real question.