Tim Arrigo explains how subconscious messages from childhood abuse or neglect shape adult behavior, from staying in abusive relationships to emotional isolation. He argues that studying your inner beliefs is the only way to change what you actually do.
So I got a question for you. What kinds of messages are you sending yourself every day through your behavior? Because oftentimes, unconsciously, subconsciously, we send ourselves messages almost as like a reenactment, a recapitulation, right, of things that we believe we deserve. For example, If you're physically abused and you believe that's what you deserve, because most people who experience things like that earlier in their life, they do, they believe that's what they deserve. Child doesn't have the ability to understand why things happen in the environment. Child always makes things about themself. They're the epitome of what's called egocentric, right? So if you're physically abused, you might physically abuse yourself. Let's say through addictive and compulsive behaviors, staying in an abusive relationship. If you were sexually abused, you might sexually abuse yourself. High-risk sexual behaviors. Tinder, Grindr, Bumble. If you were emotionally neglected, you might emotionally neglect yourself. You might push your emotions down. You might dissociate. You might avoid being vulnerable. If you're emotionally neglected, you might emotionally neglect yourself. You might, uh, separate yourself from people who truly love you and care about you and want to help you. Professional solutions that are readily available to you. If you're physically neglected, you might find yourself isolating. See, oftentimes we don't pay attention to what messages we are sending ourselves on a very subconscious level. See, consciously I might think that, well, I don't want this behavior, but why do I continue to return back to somewhere that I just decided that I didn't want to be consciously? It's because on a subconscious level, somewhere deep down inside of me, I believe it's what I deserve. Why does somebody leave an unhealthy relationship? Because they believe they deserve better. Why does somebody stay in an unhealthy relationship? Because a part of them believes it's what they deserve. Our behavior never lies. You can't fix what doesn't exist. You can't defeat what you can't define. You can't conquer what you don't confront. It's all about addressing these deeper issues so we can pay attention to how those things are showing up in our life without our permission, sometimes right in front of our own face, and we're not even seeing it, right? I'm thinking that I'm dealing with this problem when really this problem is a manifestation of something deeper, and I got to be able to connect those dots, right? How are those things showing up in your life without your consent today? Because I know in my life there was a lot of things that kept showing up in my life without my consent, and my behavior was always a reflection of things that I always thought and believed about myself, even if I wasn't fully conscious of it. The only way to master yourself is to know yourself. Self-awareness. And the only way to know yourself is to study yourself. You deserve to know those answers. You deserve to know beyond just the behavior, beyond just the problem that you're dealing with. You deserve to know those deeper issues because behavior never lies.
