In this therapeutic coaching segment, Tim Arrigo talks with a man (Speaker B) who feels deep grief and anger over being excluded from his daughter Maya’s life after a series of family traumas – the loss of his son to cancer, substance‑use struggles, a serious accident, and a high ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score. Speaker B laments the decade‑long loss of time with Maya, missing milestones like her graduation, and contrasts this with a newly‑repaired bond with his son Austin. Tim identifies the root of the problem as Speaker B’s inability to forgive himself, linking self‑shame and guilt to a “prison” that blocks genuine change. He outlines a path forward: acknowledge the trauma, practice radical acceptance of what happened, release shame, and embrace self‑forgiveness. Tim also invokes a faith‑based promise that God can restore what has been lost if the individual remains steadfast, self‑actualized, and aligned with growth. The conversation blends psychological insight (ACE score, trauma, addiction) with spiritual encouragement, aiming to help Speaker B move from resentment to healing and eventually rebuild a relationship with his daughter.
there's something else. What is it really about the amends or her not forgiving you?
And I think the biggest thing for me is, is that I've lost so much time with my baby girl, and I have been excluded from so much of her life for almost over a decade, and I have lost out so much, and it pisses me off because I'm too I didn't get to go to her graduation. I didn't even— I was not invited to her college graduation. I've never been involved, never been offered, asked to go see her where she lives. I've never been able to visit her. I've never been invited to see anything. And I just— I'm not going to go into that dark place of fortune-telling or anything like that. I'm just— it's the time that I've lost with her and And, you know, I've only been able to develop a relationship with my son Austin over the last 5 years, and him and I have had some really great father-son trips where we have spent, you know, 6, 7 days, and just, I pour life into him and I speak life into him and I share everything of my journey with him well before joining Beyond Driven. So him and I have a connection, and it hurts me to my deepest core that I I don't have that with Maya.
Yeah, and you know why that is? It's because you haven't forgiven yourself.
You're right.
That's what it's about. It's about you not being able to forgive yourself. But brother, I mean, look at this. First of all, you had a 10 out of 10 on the ACE score. You come into this marriage before you even have kids, you have stuff going on with you. And this isn't an excuse, but it's a reason. And on top of that all, you then lose your son to cancer. The guilt, the regret, the loss of your son spins you out, spins your whole family out. You go into the JD, the prescription pills, you have this accident. Imagine what that was like for your daughter to see not only her, her brother go, but then her father be on the brink of death too. And then in reality, her mom was probably the only person in her life that she found comfort in. And that doesn't mean you failed as a father, just meant that You were in your own battle. You were in your own war. And the shame a lot of times prevents us from talking about it. It's like, I'll go anywhere, but I don't want to go over here to talk about this thing because the shame that's associated with it. But free yourself from that shame, bro. Free yourself from that shame. Give yourself forgiveness. It doesn't excuse what happened, but it allows you to realize you can't pay off a debt. There's It's a debt you can't repay. You can't go into the past and fix it or create a different outcome. And that, it seems so simple, but requires radical acceptance, true embracement, to say what happened happened and all I can choose to do is learn and grow from it. And the time that I've lost with my daughter, I can never get that back. But here's the thing, here's the amazing thing about God. It says in the word that he will restore what the locusts have eaten. And brother, God will restore this. If you are faithful and you are steadfast and you are in alignment, you are grounded and you are self-actualized and you are healing and on a path of growth, it'll be restored. It'll be restored. And that's the faith that you have to hold on to. But the first step in the, in the process of, of having that restored is you freeing yourself from the prison of shame and guilt. Because if you don't, in reality, you're showing back up to her life in a lot of ways as the same guy that you were back then. The same shame, guilt, regret, and remorse that took you out will be the same shame, guilt, remorse, and regret that'll prevent you from showing up as somebody different for your daughter.
