In this solo motivational talk, Tim Arrigo argues that people are not disturbed by external events but by the perceptions they hold about those events. He warns against the habit of saying “you make me feel,” which he says hands power over to others. Arrigo introduces Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) as a self‑application technique he has taught for a decade. He outlines the ABCDE model: Activating event (A), Belief system (B), Consequence (C), Dispute (D), new Effect (E), and new Feeling (F). To make the model concrete, he explains the Cognitive Triangle—originally developed by Aaron Beck—showing how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors continuously influence each other. He illustrates how different interpretations of the same event (e.g., a car of girls laughing) lead to different emotional and behavioral outcomes, emphasizing that only our thoughts are the true source of feelings. The D step involves actively questioning irrational beliefs (overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, taking things personally) and replacing them with rational alternatives, which in turn reshapes emotions and actions. Arrigo claims that mastering this process yields true power, allowing one to remain calm and stoic without resorting to aggression, substance use, or avoidance. He concludes with a call to action, inviting viewers to contact him for coaching, stressing total personal accountability and noting that the approach isn’t for everyone but can be a game‑changer for those who apply it.
Chapters
Men are never disturbed by external events. We're always disturbed by the perceptions we hold of these events. As men, the words "you make me feel" should never come out of our mouth. You make me feel. Think about that. So that means that other people have power over your emotional world. Why are you giving away power to people, places, and things? When the true power is always found within, within your own mind. Over the last 10 years, I've been teaching people a technique. It's called Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy is a therapeutic technique that therapists traditionally use on clients, but I like to teach it to my clients so they can use it on themselves. And it involves an ABC method: activating event, belief system, consequence, and then you enter the D, E, and F. Which is disputing the irrational belief, coming up with new beliefs and new feelings. In order to understand how to apply this technique, you have to understand one thing, and that is the cognitive triangle. So the cognitive triangle was developed by Aaron Beck in the 1960s. The cognitive triangle is thoughts influence feelings, feelings influence behaviors, and behaviors influence thoughts. It's also understanding that thoughts influence feelings, but be— but feelings influence thoughts too. Feelings influence behaviors, but behaviors influence feelings too. And behaviors influence thoughts, but thoughts influence behaviors too. So it's understanding the relationship between these three aspects of your humanity, of your mindset. So understanding these three elements and trying to control anything other than these three things— how we think, how we feel, and what we do— is a form of insanity. So, so many people out there, they're trying to control everything that's truly outside of their control. You only have influence over those things at best. Anything outside of your control, you only have influence over it. You can't actually control it, but you can always control how you think, how you feel, and what you do. And by controlling emotions, it doesn't mean turning them on and off like a light switch. It means actually learning how to modulate the intensity of these emotions by changing your thought process, right? Is a level 10 anger— or is a level 4 anger more tolerable than a level 10 anger? Well, yeah, obviously. So activating event, what is it? It's any event, any piece of stimuli that triggers a thought. Okay, it could be a person, could be a, a situation with somebody at work. Inactivating event is, is any situation that happens in your life. Okay, B is the belief system. It's your perception of the activating event. Okay, as I said, men are never disturbed by external events. We're always disturbed by the perceptions we hold of these events. So the belief system, so what is it? It's the way I'm looking at the activating event. Now, why is that so relevant? Why is that so significant? Well, it's significant because I could be standing on a street corner with 3 people and a car full of girls in a convertible could drive by and they could point and laugh. The guy next to me might have thought they were laughing at him. I might have thought they were laughing at something behind us, and the guy next to me might have thought they thought he was handsome. So the belief system is relevant because determined that how I feel, see the consequence, my emotions. In the ABC model, the C is the consequence, and the consequence is an emotional consequence or behavioral consequence. If I think they're laughing at me, well then obviously, right, maybe I engage in passive aggression, acts of violence, I go after the vehicle. If I think they're laughing at something behind me, Well, maybe I don't feel anything. I feel indifferent towards the situation. And if I maybe think that, you know, they thought I was handsome, well, that's going to affect— see, that goes back to the cognitive triangle, understanding how what you think influences what you feel. So saying, 'This made me feel,' or 'You made me feel,' should never come out of your mouth, because what's making you feel is your own thoughts. So people are doing that. They're giving power away to the external environment, and they wonder why they feel powerless. They wonder why they need to try to overcompensate. You wonder why they overreact is because they don't actually understand and haven't mastered the cognitive triangle. So you have activating event, you have B, you have the belief system, and then you have C, which is the consequence. Now, in relevance to the consequence, you looking at the way you feel. Now, this is where most people stop. They don't actually do anything to make a change, right? They just react. They feel powerless. They feel angry, right? And you ask them, hey, how are you feeling? And they say, I feel angry. Anger is a secondary emotion. It can only be there if you feel fear or sadness or hurt. So the D of the ABC model is where you start to actually dispute the irrational belief system. It's where you actually put your thoughts on trial. You imagine that you're a prosecutor, and the way you do this is by questioning those thoughts. What makes this thought accurate? Is there another way to look at this situation? Am I making— am I overgeneralizing? Am I catastrophizing? Am I taking this personal when it isn't right? Most people can't do this. Just because you're thinking something doesn't make it real. Just because you're thinking something doesn't mean it's a fact. Feelings aren't fact. And just because you're thinking it doesn't make it a reality, right? You're not your thoughts. You're the thinker of the thoughts. So your ability to objectify your own subjective thoughts your own subjective experience is so crucial in developing self-mastery and a powerful mindset. So in the D, right, I dispute. And by disputing them, I break down my initial perception of the activating event, my initial beliefs of the activating event, which then allows me to create a new perception. And just like the old perception created the old emotions, the new perception creates new emotions. And then next thing you know, you're standing in the group of people and someone turns to you and said, how did that— how did that not bother you, and you're standing there just calm and stoic, and you're like, the only way that would bother me is if my own thoughts bothered me, but I checked that perception and dealt with it. You didn't need to turn to liquor, didn't need to turn to violence, didn't need to turn to passive aggression. You didn't need to act out. You didn't need to escape. You didn't need to do anything. You were just standing there stoic and calm. That's true power. That's true power. I want to help you out with this. If you're interested in learning more about this technique specifically and how to actually apply it into your life, reach out to me. Message me. Message me. Because this, it requires you to put your big boy pants on, number one, because you could never blame anything outside of yourself anymore. You have total accountability. So this isn't for everyone. This is not for everyone. But if you actually start to apply this into your life, total game changer. Reach out to me today. I'd love to help you out with this.
