Speaker A tells Speaker B to stop putting himself down in front of his wife. Self-deprecating language erodes self-respect and damages the relationship. Speaking with dignity and assertion, even when confronting difficult people, preserves your standing and makes you feel better.
Don't ever allow your wife to see you self-deprecate, ever. Don't ever allow her to see you talk negatively about yourself out loud, like, 'I know, honey, I'm just such a piece of crap. I know I can't do anything right.' Don't ever let her see you talk about yourself like that. Have you ever let her see that?
Yes, I have.
Yeah, don't. Stop that. From now on, speak highly of yourself.
Counter it. Is a productive way to counter that You know, to me, being respectful, I can defend myself and say, sweetheart, I love you, I did the best I could, and that's good enough for me.
I don't like the tonality. The tonality is a defeated tone. Tonality of my tone? Yes, it's a tonality of like— it's the inflection goes down. It's weak. Ah, I know, honey, I know. Yeah, don't. Instead, come with a more assertive tone. Okay, okay. What would the tone be if you were standing there talking to your mom as your mom physically abused you as a child? What is the tonality of you as a 50-year-old man standing in that interaction speaking to your mother, defending the younger you? What's that tone?
Listen, you can't do that anymore. I know you're my mother and I love you, but this is unacceptable.
There it is, right there. Nailed it. And trust me, you will feel a hell of a lot better when you do that. Hell of a lot better, bro, because what you're preserving is your sense of dignity and self-respect. Amen.
