Tim Arrigo describes how men often start self-improvement tied to external outcomes like fixing their marriage, which kills consistency. When the outcome arrives or doesn't, they quit. Real change comes from doing it for yourself, not for your wife's approval.
So a lot of guys, they come to this crossroads in their personal development journey. So it's like they're kind of going through, they're in denial, right? They're engaging in their own self-deception. And then they get to a point where finally it's a breaking point, right? It's like the epiphany, it's the awakening that they have where they're finally like, okay, I need to do something about what's going on inside my marriage, inside my personal life. And they finally make that decision. And a lot of times it's motivated by their marital issues. It's motivated by issues they're having with their wife. And so they finally decide to make that change. And they can either go one of two directions. They start working on themselves for themselves. Or what most guys do is they begin their personal development journey with an almost an unconscious, almost an unconscious contract that they sign mentally that says, I'll work on myself if and then they attach an expectation to it. So the entire time, their personal development journey is really more about expectations and outcomes that they want to achieve with their wife. And the problem with that is the journey is then motivated extrinsically, externally, right, by their wife or outcomes that they hope to create. So a lot of times they don't remain consistent because once they achieve that outcome, then they kind of digress back into a former version of themselves. Number one. Number two is if they don't achieve that outcome externally, then their personal development process, they don't feel as motivated to keep working on themselves. So I tell every guy this in the beginning of your journey, right? Make sure that you understand one thing, that this is about you. It's about you becoming a better version of you for you. And here's the thing, this isn't selfish because you becoming a better version of you for you first, your self-investment is pay dividends into every area of your life. So your employers are going to get a better version of you. Your kids are going to get a better version of you. Strangers are going to get a better version of you. And most importantly, your wife is going to get a better version of you. But understand that your personal development process cannot begin with an expectation or rules or contracts that you go into, whether conscious or unconscious, that say, yeah, fine, okay, I'll work on myself, but only if my wife A, B, and C.
