The Lie of “Making It”

Yeah, you know what most people in a Ferrari don't have? Deep sense of purpose. A lot of people— I know a lot of people, hyper-successful people, multi-millionaires, hundreds of millions of dollars, lack purpose, lack calling, lack a mission. They lack something greater than them. That's why they go for those things, and then they use those things to overcompensate for what's actually missing, which is a sense of worth and value underneath. So here's the irony. Why would you want to go back to something that you already realized wasn't the pathway for you?

Just refusing to open my eyes and get attuned, or—

well, I would say probably because you assumed that lacking those things is a part of the reason why you can't have the life or the relationship that you want, is that you have to have those things in order to quote unquote be a success. So what does success mean to you? What is being a success? What is that?

Well, after a lot of reflection, I think it comes down to just be at peace. I'm at a point in my life where somebody has to compliment me. I am more secure than I've ever been in the last 6 months. Working on myself, working on the inside out is— I don't need the validation that I once needed. Feeling insecure, lack of self-worth, going back to what makes Ken happy, you know, the things that I was taught. Growth mindset, always learning, always bettering, study yourself, improve yourself, be a better person. Things are happening for me. So now that I look back on all these things that were going on, and it was bad. When the talk about got to the point of suicide, I had no support. The wife was literally ready to call and, uh, commit me, and she wasn't there to lift me up. And I recognized that God saved me at that point.

And when you look back on the marriage, you realize you weren't compatible with her?

I do. I think there was a lot of things that, that drove us apart, but I sought work, and work was my escape.