Tim Arrigo identifies four therapist habits that keep you stuck: letting you talk without direction, coddling instead of challenging, teaching techniques without showing you how to use them, and giving advice without lived experience. He says to ask your therapist about their own experience and look for approaches that build skills and independence.
Top 4 reasons why you might not be getting the results you want in traditional therapy. Number 1, your therapist is not taking a directive approach. If you're doing most of the talking in the session and your therapist isn't giving you a lot of direction, a lot of times this can leave you feeling confused because the therapist is making more suggestions or reflecting back to you what it sounds like you're saying. Number 2, your therapist is coddling you. If your therapist is coddling you, this may cause you to feel stuck and stagnant and without any direction. I always say a good therapist is someone that'll challenge you. Number 3, using techniques on you without actually teaching you how to use the technique on yourself. A lot of therapists will do this. They'll use techniques on you in session, but don't actually teach you the techniques so you can use them on yourself. Therefore, this keeps you dependent on the therapist and keeps you coming back for more sessions. If you have to wait all week for that 1 hour to process something with your therapist, this means that you're now dependent on them, and this isn't going to lead to self-sufficiency and self-reliance. And number 4, your therapist is not speaking to you from experience. Next time your therapist hears you out and makes suggestions about what you should do or seems overwhelmed by what you're sharing with them, ask them, "Have you ever been through this? Or is this just something that you read in a book or heard from another client?"
